Epistemic status: Speculation. An unholy union of evo psych, introspection, random stuff I happen to observe & hear about, and thinking. Done on a highly charged topic. Caveat emptor!

oh boy

archive: https://archive.is/uOP4y

  •  sc_griffith   ( @sc_griffith@awful.systems ) English
    12·
    2 years ago

    felt like it started off relatively normal, gradually got weirder and more reactionary, and then the bakery bit was where it was clear this dude is from another planet. imagine a bakery… but with both men and women in it. imagine the roiling, all consuming sexual tension. fuck! we can’t handle this

    •  Mike Knell   ( @m@blat.at ) 
      11·
      2 years ago

      @sc_griffith It’s true. The bakery just down the road has both male and female staff and it’s really pretty inconvenient that every time I go in I have to ask if they’d mind taking a quick break from the constant fucking in order to serve me. And don’t mention the time I asked if they had “a couple of nice floury baps for me”.

      •  blakestacey   ( @blakestacey@awful.systems ) MEnglish
        14·
        2 years ago

        Wouldn’t a Hallmark movie be about a young woman from the big city who finds love and fulfillment when she has to return to her small hometown and manage the local bakery, including the wacky antics of its mixed-sex staff?

          •  sc_griffith   ( @sc_griffith@awful.systems ) English
            17·
            2 years ago

            “Hey,” Blakeston said, “thought you could use a hand.” Rachel looked up from the flour sifter and her eyes widened. Blakeston was holding a large, complicated looking assemblage of tubes, with fans over one end. Could it be…

            “You have a flour sifting accessory?” Rachel asked, her voice stunned. “Those are impossible to find!”

            “I know,” Blakeston said, “it took weeks to find this one and another few weeks to fix it up. I just couldn’t see you struggling with the old flour sifter day after day. Here, I’ll set it up.” Rachel moved aside and Blakeston stepped in, straining as he pushed the assemblage into her flour sifter. His strong muscles glistened under the skin of his forearms. How have I never noticed that before? Rachel thought.

            Blakeston stood up, assemblage complete, and turned the crank once - just once. The fans whirred, the tubes rattled, and just like that, the flour was sifted.

              •  self   ( @self@awful.systems ) MEnglish
                11·
                2 years ago

                I’m only here for the love triangle episodes with the gruff but lovable bakery owner portrayed by Nathan Fillion who’s not yet over the heartbreak of his wife’s passing (crushed by unsifted flour) but I can fix him

              •  sc_griffith   ( @sc_griffith@awful.systems ) English
                10·
                2 years ago

                As Rachel unlocked the door to Chez Mixte the next day, she felt something different. At first, she couldn’t figure out what. Everything that had appeared antiquated and unsophisticated now had a special glow. She had once looked at pastries like Blake’s orteils de gopher, which had been setting overnight, and thought them no better than animal crackers. Now, they seemed full of animal passion.

                For the first time, she picked one up and bit into it. Flaky, and Blake’s cream tasted so good on her tongue. Sweet, but not too sweet. A thought popped into her head. Blake had started posting gym selfies five weeks ago. That was about when he had started looking for a flour sifting accessory. Had he been trying to… impress her?