• This guy’s philosophy, applied to a young man who is desperate enough to look for help on yotube, is a great way to become an incel. I don’t know how that would be non-toxic.

    I’m happily married today with a beautiful son, but it didn’t just happen. Throughout high school I was entirely focused on things other than women or a social life, and in college the program I took was one of the harder ones out there so I was totally focused on not flunking out, so when I finally entered the adult world, I had to teach myself everything from scratch in a strange city (since I moved for my first professional job) where I had no social circle. Lost my virginity, had fun times meeting interesting women, and eventually found the best woman in town and married her. Last year I wrote a large chapter of my book “The Graysonian Ethic: Lessons for my unborn son” on the topic of attraction because I didn’t want my son to have to struggle like I did.

    Thing is, if you’re virgin enough to need advice, odds are the whole “oh you’re just fine the way you are” schtick is probably wrong. You shouldn’t fundamentally change who you are, but odds are you need to find the ways to become your best self, and that’s going to be more than showering and talking confidently about your dwarf tossing hobby.

    Most men aren’t fine just the way they are. If they want to have what they want out of life, they’re going to have to work to improve themselves, and they’re going to have to push themselves away from the phones and computers and into social situations that make them anxious and learn how to manage that anxiety and do things that make them anxious regardless. They’re going to have to actually learn about the real-life experiences of women, as well as what women want from men.

    It’s not easy. Shower and be nice might work if you’re lucky, but if you’re planning to make your own luck then it’s not enough.