When I was a child I thought my adult life would consist of avoiding quicksand, people offering me free drugs, and that at some point I would need to stop, drop, and roll.

As an adult instead I’ve developed the healthier fear that the earth would open up and swallow me into a crushing wet abyss. I know it’s only reported to have happened to that one guy who was sleeping and his bedroom disappeared, but that it happened once is confirmation that I could be next! 🫣