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/c/WomensStuff Modlog

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Time	mod	Action
11 months ago	mod	Restored Comment I'm in a Chinese-only corner. I barely qualify (being only half-Chinese was a mark against, but living in China made up for that). And it's nice not to constantly have to answer basic questions or deal with sinophobes. by 🇨🇦🇩🇪🇨🇳张殿李🇨🇳🇩🇪🇨🇦 ( ZDL@ttrpg.network )
11 months ago	mod	Restored Comment OK, I'm going to put this gently. Seeing the point, understanding the point, then continuing to belabour it because you think the terminology is incorrect is called "pedantry". Please stop being a pedant. by 🇨🇦🇩🇪🇨🇳张殿李🇨🇳🇩🇪🇨🇦 ( ZDL@ttrpg.network )
11 months ago	mod	Restored Comment I'm sorry you aren't seeing the problem. by 🇨🇦🇩🇪🇨🇳张殿李🇨🇳🇩🇪🇨🇦 ( ZDL@ttrpg.network )
11 months ago	mod	Restored Comment Picture a well-intentioned man. (I'm not even talking trolls who do this deliberately and strategically.) This well-intentioned man intrudes into a conversation about, say, workplace sexual harrassment experiences. They say something ham-fisted like: > How is it 'creepy' if I put my hand on a woman colleague's shoulder when looking at something on their desk to help? I do the same with my male colleagues. Again, we're presuming a well-intentioned man here. Not a troll who's deliberately triggering. Just a well-intentioned man who genuinely believes that it's fine to do this. Now five women, say, have been comparing war stories about sexual harassment at work. They each respond with a further example, or a a plausible progression from "hand on shoulder" to real life experience that ended badly or whatnot. Each of these five women brings up a different point or point of view, so this isn't just repetition. Now the well-intentioned man responds to each one, asking for more details, or failing to understand and needing explanation, or whatever. We now have, with only one round of this, a situation where five women in total have spoken: one twice (to report the original story, and then to respond to the man), the rest once each. Six messages from five women in total. And from one man we have six messages. And this never ends in one round, does it? In no time flat we have a thread that is 80% written by one man and 20% written by five women. One man's voice is drowning out five women's voices. Now multiply this by the number of men (again, here we're assuming only the well-intentioned!) and the number of threads and you rapidly have a forum for women that is mostly men talking. That is how you "talk over" a group on Lemmy. by 🇨🇦🇩🇪🇨🇳张殿李🇨🇳🇩🇪🇨🇦 ( ZDL@ttrpg.network )
11 months ago	mod	Restored Comment > I just zone out and let them get on with it, it’s not hurting me. This is so key to this debate right here. People have groups or threads for talking about video games. Video games bore me to tears. They're not for me and by extension neither are the groups or threads. (I bring this up specifically because someone brought up playing a video game together in this very group.) A mature person sees something that's not for them and … moves on. A certain breed of immature man sees something that's not for them and "just answers a"(n obviously rhetorical)" question" to whine about the injustice of not being invited, not realizing that they're showing in their behaviour EXACTLY why they're not invited. I guess I should go to that thread about the video game and whine that I think video games are boring as all Hell and we should instead find a place to play 六虎 together. You know. 'Cause that's how my "betters" are teaching me how things work. by 🇨🇦🇩🇪🇨🇳张殿李🇨🇳🇩🇪🇨🇦 ( ZDL@ttrpg.network )
11 months ago	mod	Restored Comment > I'm not sure if that reference to a terf group was a subtle dig or just ham-fistedness. I'm going to assume the latter for now and overlook it. I think the core of why women-only spaces (or any affinity-based spaces) exist is that sometimes, people need a “room” where they don’t have to explain themselves from scratch, justify their feelings, or brace themselves for misunderstandings, no matter how well-intentioned. It’s about having a place where you can relax and be understood without constantly translating your experience or others. ### Exclusivity sometimes matters It’s a bit like why people form Chinese-only groups, or native women-only circles, or even expat meetups. It’s not necessarily about thinking outsiders are bad or unwelcome as people; it’s about the relief of not having to explain cultural references (like 关系, say), background pain points, or subtle social cues. Even the most well-meaning outsider, by virtue of their different life experience, can unintentionally disrupt that sense of “home base.” And sometimes, you just want to be with people who get it, so you can drop your guard for a while. ### Constant explanation is draining Even when outsiders are respectful and curious, their presence often means the group’s energy shifts from sharing and healing (or even just shooting the shit) to explaining and justifying. It’s not about active hostility; it’s about emotional labour. Imagine a Chinese-only group where a non-Chinese person keeps asking (genuinely!) for explanations of idioms, jokes, or cultural references. It’s not malicious, but it’s exhausting for the group members who just wanted to chat freely. By way of analogy, imagine a French-language only room that permits monolingual anglophones. How much time would be wasted on translating things people say to a non-francophone? How much energy and effort would be spent on servicing the needs of the anglophone participants at the expense of the people the group is ostensibly for? Yes. That masculine/feminine divide can sometimes be that vast. ### The "Five Geek Social Fallacies" This ties into the “Five Geek Social Fallacies,” especially the first one: “Ostracizers are Evil.” The idea is that some people believe any exclusion is inherently bad, but in reality, *boundaries are necessary for healthy communities*. (I stressed that because it's an incredibly important point.) Not every space has to be for everyone, and that’s okay. Sometimes, the most supportive thing you can do is recognize when your presence isn’t needed, and respect that boundary. ### It's not #AllMen (or #AllOutsiders) It’s not that every man, or every outsider, is a problem. It’s just that the group can’t function as intended if it’s always on alert for the possibility of being misunderstood, having to explain basics, or, in the extreme case, having to defend its existence. The easiest, kindest way to preserve that space is to set a clear boundary, even if it means some good people are left outside. It’s not a judgment on those people, it’s a recognition of the group’s needs. Exclusivity in these contexts isn’t about hostility or superiority. It’s about creating a rare, valuable space where people can be fully themselves, unfiltered and unguarded. Sometimes, that means drawing a line—not because outsiders are bad, but because the group’s needs come first in that particular space. I hope that helps clarify where I’m coming from. by 🇨🇦🇩🇪🇨🇳张殿李🇨🇳🇩🇪🇨🇦 ( ZDL@ttrpg.network )
11 months ago	mod	Restored Comment Between the jumping-spider-reflexes of the mod team and, yeah, the actually pretty level-headed responses of the men I've seen who've stumbled here, this has been pretty good. I was expecting to see a whole lot of manosphere rage in the modlog and … haven't. This is a nice place! by 🇨🇦🇩🇪🇨🇳张殿李🇨🇳🇩🇪🇨🇦 ( ZDL@ttrpg.network )
11 months ago	mod	Restored Comment > Apparently I made assumptions about [@jsomae@lemmy.ml](https://lemmy.ml/u/jsomae) that were unwarranted. I've done some light editing of this post to correct for this. I have a question for men who ask this question: Why must you absolutely be here? There are literally thousands of communities on Lemmy and yet you're offended that one doesn't want your presence. Think carefully about why that is. Think carefully about why you're choosing to come into the community you're clearly not welcome in (given the very rules of said community) to whine about how you're not welcome in it instead of just shrugging and saying "guess that's not for me". ~~When you realize~~If you ever realize why you just did that, then you'll also quite magically understand why the community rules are the way they are. I'll give you a free clue, though, to help you to your realization: your very insistence on asking is why the rule is the way it is. > I added a sentence and changed a few words in the closing sentence. by 🇨🇦🇩🇪🇨🇳张殿李🇨🇳🇩🇪🇨🇦 ( ZDL@ttrpg.network )
1 year ago	mod	Appointed LadyButterfly she/her ( LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone ) as a mod to the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
1 year ago	mod	Banned turtlesareneat ( turtlesareneat@discuss.online ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al reason: Trolling and misogyny
1 year ago	mod	Banned Omega ( OmegaLemmy@discuss.online ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al reason: rule 1: only women are permitted to comment
1 year ago	mod	Banned andybytes ( andybytes@programming.dev ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
1 year ago	mod	Removed Comment ozzy actually didnt write it, i believe geezer butler wrote it and he was extremely depressed by BigBananaDealer ( BigBananaDealer@lemm.ee ) reason: rule 1: only women are permitted to comment
1 year ago	mod	Removed Comment Sorry, man here, but your description of a man is largely my experience with some women as well by vandsjov ( vandsjov@feddit.dk ) reason: rule 1: only women are permitted to comment
1 year ago	mod	Banned SRo ( SRo@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al reason: rule 2: don't be a dick, no aggression, be nice (don't be a troll)
1 year ago	mod	Removed Comment He… is kinda making me question my own sexuality as well. So, good on ya, Pedro. Yes, not all men, but good god, it is enough of us that I see it or hear about it daily. by chuymatt ( chuymatt@startrek.website ) reason: rule 1: only women are permitted to comment
1 year ago	mod	Removed Comment The "friend" is just too much. I had a friend from high school that just got blackout wasted and was attention desiring and overwhelming on the way. I had to eventually ghost him and block his number. by Pnut ( Pnut@lemm.ee ) reason: rule 1: only women are permitted to comment
1 year ago	mod	Removed Comment I think they were more perturbed by the "every woman on earth" part since it suggests that all women on earth are attracted to men. Valid point, though I do think they're reading too much into it. by prole ( prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) reason: rule 1: only women are permitted to comment
1 year ago	mod	Removed Comment I thought his arms look like that because he has to carry me and give me tickly kisses :3 Full disclosure: I'm a big baby b*y who needs to be carried, sorry for breaking the rule Edit: 5 downlemmers? Only my ::: spoiler Pedro Pakimakura can console me now ![](https://ani.social/pictrs/image/6b86fd6e-e97d-438c-a56a-624e7a24d060.webp) ::: by Hoimo ( Hoimo@ani.social ) reason: rule 1: only women are permitted to comment
1 year ago	mod	Banned Amanduh ( Amanduh@lemm.ee ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al reason: rule 1: only women are permitted to comment or post
1 year ago	mod	Removed Comment > I find it alarming that men in general don't find it insulting that rapists like Tate and dumb fkn meat heads like Rogan claim to represent masculinity. Think it's because most men either fit into the Rogan fan boy club, or just don't really care about the concept of masculinity very much. As a married dude in his late 30s, I just find it kinda pathetic that dudes in their 40s and 50s are still so insecure about their masculinity that they're doing steroids and taking karate classes. I just think it's sad that a whole generation of young men are getting life advice from a bunch of guys with the most powerful divorced dad energy in American history. by TranscendentalEmpire ( TranscendentalEmpire@lemm.ee ) reason: rule 1: only women are permitted to comment
1 year ago	mod	Banned NoForwardslashS ( NoForwardslashS@sopuli.xyz ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al reason: rule 1
1 year ago	mod	Removed Comment Sounds a lot like [POTS](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postural_orthostatic_tachycardia_syndrome) which has had an uptick of cases since covid by NoForwardslashS ( NoForwardslashS@sopuli.xyz ) reason: rule 1: only women are permitted to comment
1 year ago	mod	Removed Comment Such a hateful asshole. by state_electrician ( state_electrician@discuss.tchncs.de ) reason: rule 1: only women are permitted to comment
1 year ago	mod	Removed Comment I wonder if there won't be an opposite effect if it becomes so common that nobody takes them seriously anymore. It might even help for revenge porn if everyone assumes everything is a deep fake. Of course that will make it harder to go after revenge porn as such. It's an insane world we're living in. by Tinidril ( Tinidril@midwest.social ) reason: rule 1: only women are permitted to comment
1 year ago	mod	Banned Beacon ( Beacon@fedia.io ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al reason: rule 1
1 year ago	mod	Removed Post SIGH reason: rule 4: no politics
1 year ago	mod	Banned Faydaikin ( Faydaikin@beehaw.org ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al reason: rule 1
1 year ago	mod	Removed Comment Permanently Deleted by Faydaikin ( Faydaikin@beehaw.org ) reason: rule 1: only women are permitted to comment
1 year ago	mod	Removed Comment Packing fruits. Paíd by the crate, you do the math all day long in jour head and the end result is absolute shit. Pizza Hut was shit too. Shit pay of course, but shit mostly because of management: as soon as demand was slowing mid-afternoon, you'd have to clock out and wait in a windowless rec room until called back. by ReallyZen ( reallyzen@lemmy.ml ) reason: rule 1: only women are permitted to comment
1 year ago	mod	Removed Post Lawsuit over Ontario universal basic income pilot gathers momentum reason: Politics
1 year ago	mod	Banned Prehensile_cloaca ( Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
1 year ago	mod	Banned Kaboom ( Kaboom@reddthat.com ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al reason: rule 1
1 year ago	mod	Banned Boomkop3 ( Boomkop3@reddthat.com ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al reason: rule 1
1 year ago	mod	Banned Psychadelligoat ( gamermanh@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al reason: rule 1
1 year ago	mod	Banned gradual ( gradual@lemmings.world ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al reason: rule 3
1 year ago	mod	Removed Post How many of you are biological women? reason: rule 3
1 year ago	mod	Appointed LadyButterflyshe/her ( LadyButterfly@lazysoci.al ) as a mod to the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
1 year ago	mod	Banned FiveMacs ( Fiivemacs@lemmy.ca ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
1 year ago	mod	Removed dandelion ( dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) as a mod to the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
1 year ago	mod	Appointed foxglove (she/her) ( foxglove@lazysoci.al ) as a mod to the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
1 year ago	mod	Banned PutItOutWithYourBootsTed ( putitoutwithyourbootsted@piefed.social ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
1 year ago	mod	Banned ddash ( ddash@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
1 year ago	mod	Banned baines ( baines@lemmy.cafe ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
1 year ago	mod	Banned TheReturnOfPEB ( TheReturnOfPEB@reddthat.com ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al reason: Hostile, safe space for women
1 year ago	mod	Banned peteyestee ( peteyestee@feddit.org ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al reason: Woman only community
1 year ago	mod	Banned Dr. Bob ( DrBob@lemmy.ca ) from the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al reason: Women only space
1 year ago	mod	Appointed dandelion ( dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) as a mod to the community WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
1 year ago	mod	Removed Post Barriers to Women's Representation: Electoral Systems reason: Politics
1 year ago	mod	Removed Post Women’s Participation Has Proven Worth in Bringing Peace reason: Politics
1 year ago	mod	Removed Post Women are steadier leaders in times of crisis, but they are still being overlooked reason: Politics