- cross-posted to:
- hackernews@lemmy.smeargle.fans
- cross-posted to:
- hackernews@lemmy.smeargle.fans
Dear Mr. Architect!
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.
Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don’t have nearly enough insulation in them).
As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminium, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminium, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)
Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.
To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.
Please don’t bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.
Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.
While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has.
Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.
You must be thrilled to be working on an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can’t happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.
P.S.: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I’ve given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can’t handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.
P.P.S.: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.
- zerofk ( @zerofk@lemm.ee ) 68•7 months ago
“This button turns on the light in the hallway. Sometimes it brings the whole house down on you, but we haven’t found a way to reliably reproduce this. If that happens just crawl from under the rubble, rebuild the house, and try again. This time the light should turn on.“
“Oh, and send us the log messages.”
- peak_dunning_krueger ( @peak_dunning_krueger@feddit.de ) English33•7 months ago
Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.
That’s actually too easy, because electrical systems have been standardized for a long time.
Should be something like “15 highpowered electrical stoves, but keep the total power consumption below 15 Watts.”
Or, homeautomation and integration with google/alexa, but using the old fridge.
- MostlyBlindGamer ( @MostlyBlindGamer@rblind.com ) English28•7 months ago
I was not prepared for this. I came here for jokes.
- Cwilliams ( @Cwilliams@beehaw.org ) 2•7 months ago
Eeme oote
- Arghblarg ( @Arghblarg@lemmy.ca ) 18•7 months ago
I’ve spent the last 4 months living this. Thank you I hate it.
EDIT: Actually my entire career, but most painfully the last 4 months. I hate it. And, yet, I must eat, so I endure.
- MonkderZweite ( @MonkderZweite@feddit.ch ) 3•7 months ago
Ask for a Software requirement document. Thats one of the basics.
- nilloc ( @nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de ) English4•7 months ago
“Could you write one?”
“Is it done yet?”
“Why is this taking so long?”
- ferralcat ( @ferralcat@monyet.cc ) 4•7 months ago
Lol. I pitched getting these last year and my boss laughed. “Have you worked with these people? They’re incompetent. They can’t tell you how a single thing works, let alone the whole system. It sounds nice to have, but we’ll have to do it ourselves”
- Johanno ( @Johanno@feddit.de ) 3•7 months ago
You should sell the document and the consultation extra. Basically you first sell them consultation on what they want and then let them sign a contract that the document that this consultation produced are the requirements. Then you can bill changes to the requirements extra.
- MonkderZweite ( @MonkderZweite@feddit.ch ) 2•7 months ago
?
Not you, the other has to write it.
- nilloc ( @nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de ) English4•7 months ago
I know, I’m giving you my company’s owner/manager’s response the last time I asked for that.
- gregorum ( @gregorum@lemm.ee ) English9•7 months ago
My entire design career in one video
- nilloc ( @nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de ) English3•7 months ago
Yeah, there were definitely some subject matter experts involved in that film. I’m not going back to that career.
- dan ( @dan@upvote.au ) 7•7 months ago
also make sure that you keep updating it for life even though I’m only paying you once.
- TiTeY` ( @titey@lemmy.home.titey.net ) 2•7 months ago
This is soooo true! 😐
- haui ( @haui_lemmy@lemmy.giftedmc.com ) 2•7 months ago
My life flashed before my eyes.
- andioop ( @andioop@programming.dev ) English1•7 months ago
“Dear Mr. Architect!” is such a charming start to the letter, sort of getting “kid’s letter to Santa” vibes if the kid dreamed of being an architect.
Too bad the rest of the letter isn’t quite as charming :P