- cross-posted to:
- ausomememes@lemmy.autism.place
- cross-posted to:
- ausomememes@lemmy.autism.place
Pro-tip: Asking permission to interrupt to say your bit goes down much much better than just interjecting
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Learning to have a conversation and not a monologue is also a pretty solid skill.
People stand there talking without a break and I just stop listening.
This is the story of my life right here.
My wife has ADHD and some wicked rejection dysphoria. I feel bad interrupting because sometimes it makes her feel really badly, but I swear she could talk for an hour without pausing for breath.
I definitely do the same thing when I’m talking about something I’m passionate about though, so like… live and let live.
I feel called out.
I remember internalizing stuff I wanted to say and thinking “I might as well not say anything ever” and “I don’t know why I’m participating in this conversation when I can’t say anything”
It’s depressing every time it happens.
Yeah. And everyone acts butthurt when I just walk out of the conversation and go to people that are willing to engage in dialogue. Or to get something to eat or worthwhile to do. It gets worse when I state the reason.
I’ve made it pretty normal for me to simply leave. Pretty much all of my friends and associates know that I don’t really say goodbye, I just leave.
Whether that applies to a group conversation or an event. My logic is simple, people who announce they’re leaving, IMO, are looking for a reason to stay half the time. Everyone coos over it, like awww don’t go, blah blah, fake placating talk about how much they like having you there even though they haven’t said more than ten words to you the whole time…
Fuck that noise. I want to leave, so I leave. I always make a point to tell at least one person that I’m going so that if anyone asks, they can say I left, simply for informational reasons.
Learning how to let a thought whose moment has passed go gracefully is also a skill. I understand we have extenuating circumstances that make doing so more complicated for us, but that unfortunately that does not absolve us the hard work in learning to be a respectful conversationalist as well.
And if you wait for a pause to interject, you’ll also not be paying attention to anything else they say because you’re focused on what you have to say.
In general we all need to slow down when speaking and give lots more room for others to speak.
My family is all various flavors of neurospicy, and we’ve kind of organically developed nonverbal signals for “A thing I want to say has occurred to me; please continue, but I call the next pause.”
It’s awesome because it allows the current speaker to complete the thought without it getting derailed, and the whole group can still participate in some back-and-forth on the current thread with the understanding that we should be reaching for a conclusion so space can be made for the next speaker to insert their thought without forcing them to step on others to make that happen.
It does a really good job of keeping our conversations from reaching the level where you’re blurting things out because you feel that you aren’t guaranteed an organic space to get it out. Everyone can keep from interrupting or being interrupted by requesting the talking stick from the current speaker without implying that they’re taking up all the air.
Edit: Oh, right… The signal… An outstreched finger placed on the table like you’re pointing at a map. Gentle tap to remind. Add fingers for follow-ups :P
My wife and I are also neurodiverse and this is EXACTLY what we needed based on recent conversations.
But asking permission to interrupt feels like interrupting
It’s okay, we give you permission.
You need to gesture like you want to talk, it’s kind of a lean and eye contact thing, open mouth as well.
The only way I can picture this: Face the talker, lean forward at the hip joint as far as balance allows, rotate both arms like V-22 Osprey propellers, mouth wide open without making a sound.
Basically that image, but dial it back 1000%
Wait, this is a thing people do when they want to say something? Shit, I need to reevaluate some things. Socializing is hard.
I don’t think this is an exclusively autistic feeling. I feel it often.
Unless…
Everytime I see these posts I experience this. Can somebody who definitely is not autistic please confirm that this doesn’t occur in their life?
That’s the problem with neurodivergent disorders. There’s not a single behaviour or symptom that is exclusive to them.
You’ve got two ears and one mouth
Me fr :3
Me in group therapy where the remote people can’t see body language. And also monologue. And also ignore the counselor.
that was a huge therapy thing for me and i still am the interrupting sheep. the therapist tried to get me to understand that it was ok not to say what i thought was so important to say