Both. Sometimes you have to be saved from yourself even if it disrespects a boundary. A real good friend will know when it’s necessary and when to just respect your wishes.

There are many rules to friendship, and a good friend knows when they need to be broken.

Yes.

Yes.

Something in between.

Some friends are one way, some another, most are in the middle: respecting boundaries but not without trying to help first.

I do nothing without question. I always ask. Do you need help dealing with your anatidaephobia? Yes to helping you? No to violating your boundaries? That’s for you or your history with answering this question to tell me. Some people even like only certain people to help them depending on the situation.

I’ll stop helping at a friend’s boundary, but depending on the situation, I might be stubborn and tell them when I think they’re wrong.

First to mind, a friend whose boyfriend was abusing her. She came to my place for help and I suggested we talk to some of the expert resources available for people being subjected to domestic violence. Neither of us really knew how to proceed safely, so my pitch was just talking to them would be a good start. She decided she just wanted to go home to him and that “it would probably be fine, she had just overreacted”. Of course I didn’t force her or call a DV hotline on her behalf, but I let her know going back to him was a bad idea and she could just stay at mine.

He beat the shit out of her. Again. And from that the cops got involved, whether she wanted them to or not. I wish she’d taken my suggestion, but I couldn’t make that choice for her.

I think there’s that fine line between being “that friend that’s always there for me” and “that friend who won’t take a hint and fuck off”.

At the end of the day, you can only help as much as you’re invited to. Anything beyond that comes across as overbearing, and sometimes someone doesn’t need help, they just need a bit of space to decompress and the help comes later.

I guess the measure of a good friend is offering support if they need it, and being ready to offer support long afterwards if they feel they’re doing just fine.

Respect boundaries. Even more so if you’re not a professional in how you want to help them, e.g. psychology, as you may do more harm than good.

It REALLY depends how well you know each other.

I’ve had a friend transfer me money when I said no, and my ego was wounded but I didn’t go hungry.

I’ve also had people pick screaming fights on my behalf when I wanted defuse the situation, publicly blame others for a relapse I didn’t want publicized, and refuse me any privacy when I was depressed, constantly telling people that I was about to kill myself. 😐

Notice I don’t call them friends anymore, just people. They didn’t know my situation well enough to know how to act on it, but they had to be heroes.