Rather than put my answers, I will leave space for you to jump in directly with yours:-).
There’s many but some new ones for me:
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They shit talk others behind their back as a hobby. They’ll do it to you too
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They’re not curious about things. I’ll get bored due to lack of interesting conversation
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They never take ownership of fault or apologize. Everything will be blamed on you
Apparently if you do a - followed by a space it formats as a bulleted list!
Holy fuck yes. Also, if you truly wanted a line starting with a dash, like for a quote attribution, preface it with a backslash character \ . I’ll show it here:
- me, just now:-P
You can do quote blocks with a
>in front of the lineYou miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
- Wayne Gretzky
- Michael Scott
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Cruelty or aggression towards other people. You might be treated differently early in the relationship but eventually that’s gonna be you on the receiving end.
Mostly based on the shitty exes of the straight women I know:
Votes R. This means they do not respect women full stop.
Does not reciprocate emotional labor.
Swears liking femboys is straight.
Gets upset when told no.
Lack of confidence. This usually comes with all sorts of manipulative behavior to get what they want because they won’t say it outright. Had a friend seek out a dominant person who turned out to really be a submissive but couldn’t get women that way, so he would try and get them emotionally attached and manipulate them into dominating him without negotiating for those things.
The need to be right.
Being offended by the man vs bear thing.
Jokes about sexual assault.
Any hints of abuse. Controlling behavior. Love bombing. Etc. It’s only going to get worse.
Cop.
Swears liking femboys is straight.
This one seems oddly specific and unlike the others. Is it because of being closeted LGBTQ (because it’s not exactly “straight”), combined with homophobia?
Because we could debate all day on how gay it is, and none of that is really a relationship red flag without homophobia.
It’s the homophobia.
Swears liking femboys is straight.
…this is a thing? Man, learn something new and facepalm-worthy every day, seriously.
It’s a symptom of internally defining ‘gay’ to mean ‘immasculine’ rather than ‘homosexual’. Essentially, “it’s only gay to bottom”.
A useful diagnostic follow-up would be to determine how straight they think Top Gun is.
Great list!
How they respond to them asking me to do something and I say, “No.” If they accept it without any problem and move on, that’s good. If they inquire about it to make sure they are respecting boundaries, I’m okay, or there’s something they can do to ameliorate a situation, that’s good. If they argue it or insist in anyway, then that’s a red flag. The reason is that they are implying that they don’t accept my desires and situation as important in and of itself. I am more of a tool to achieve what they want because they are not demonstrating care for my experience. They are demonstrating that they will fight for what they want, so consent is a task to be acquired/achieved, not an natural approval based on mutual benefit.
Love bombing
People who seem too desperate for approval too soon after meeting, ie the person who asked if I thought they were “problematic” and “a bad person” for their taste in media after our first date.
Maybe it’s because of my own mental health history, I have OCD and I’ve engaged in that behavior before too. If I’m with someone else who does it I’m liable to relapse and it turns into a two-person misery spiral. Maybe someone a little healthier could just reassure them and move on, but I’m not there yet.
Also, I don’t date anyone who just got out of a relationship. Their ex will change their mind and take her back and I’ll look stupid 😭
That reminds me of scammers that make the initial contact egregiously obvious so they only get the most gullible. Like the person is fishing for the people that will put up with their worst behaviors. Or anchoring problematic to innocuous behaviors to diminish “problematic” in the future. Could be intentional or subconscious. Good red flag to have.
Codependency is rough, absolutely. Sometimes we need to focus on ourselves before we move onwards,.:-)
