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Probius ( Probius@sopuli.xyz )  to The Monkey's Paw@sopuli.xyzEnglish · 2 years ago

I wish the thing causing my hiccups would manifest as a physical object so I could beat the everloving shit out of it with a hammer and finally go to sleep.

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I wish the thing causing my hiccups would manifest as a physical object so I could beat the everloving shit out of it with a hammer and finally go to sleep.

Probius ( Probius@sopuli.xyz )  to The Monkey's Paw@sopuli.xyzEnglish · 2 years ago
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  • I Cast Fist ( ICastFist@programming.dev ) 
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    2 years ago

    Your hiccup is a leopard and your hammer is an inflatable toy one. Good luck.

    • Probius ( Probius@sopuli.xyz ) OP
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      2 years ago

      If it kills me, at least the hiccups stop.

  • rockerface 🇺🇦 ( rockerface@lemm.ee ) 
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    2 years ago

    Granted. You hear the boss music, gradually getting louder.

    • Probius ( Probius@sopuli.xyz ) OP
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      2 years ago

      The boss music… Is my music, right? I’m the boss about to beat the crap out of my hiccups, riiiight?

      • rockerface 🇺🇦 ( rockerface@lemm.ee ) 
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        2 years ago

        In your peripheral vision, you see a long red bar filling up. The text above it says “Hic, Lord of the Cups”

        • Probius ( Probius@sopuli.xyz ) OP
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          2 years ago

          Fuck.

  • Mister_Feeny ( Mister_Feeny@fedia.io ) 
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    2 years ago

    Look, this doesn’t even have to end with a curse.

    No fooling, if you get the hiccups just tell yourself, “I am not a fish.”

    It’s the stupidest hiccup cure I’ve ever heard. And it somehow always works.

    • GeeDubHayduke ( GeeDubHayduke@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) 
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      2 years ago

      But, do you like fish sticks…?

    • Probius ( Probius@sopuli.xyz ) OP
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      2 years ago

      Believe it or not, I already tried that.

  • BaroqueInMind ( BaroqueInMind@lemmy.one ) 
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    2 years ago

    The hammer is your finger and the manifestation of your hiccups is your fathers prostate gland

  • zero_spelled_with_an_ecks ( zero_spelled_with_an_ecks@programming.dev ) 
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    2 years ago

    It manifests as your big toe.

    • Probius ( Probius@sopuli.xyz ) OP
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      2 years ago

      So I’m smashing a disembodied clone of my toe with a hammer? Bizarre, but acceptable.

      • zero_spelled_with_an_ecks ( zero_spelled_with_an_ecks@programming.dev ) 
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        2 years ago

        Though it manifests disembodied, it is still entangled with the one attached to you; they share state and sensation. The focus that maintains their entanglement is your liver. Cirrhosis or other damage to the liver causes a spotty connection that gives horrific shocks each time it disconnects or reconnects, accompanied by the sound of a dial up modem that only you can hear at THX volumes.

        • Probius ( Probius@sopuli.xyz ) OP
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          2 years ago

          :(

  • Mycatiskai ( Mycatiskai@lemmy.ca ) 
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    2 years ago

    Have you tried pushing all the air out of your lungs and forcing yourself to not breathe in, your body will try to inhale and your lungs will spasm. Do it for 5-10 seconds then allow yourself to breathe. I find there are hardly ever any hiccups after that.

    • Probius ( Probius@sopuli.xyz ) OP
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      2 years ago

      I’ve tried all sorts of breathing stuff and hiccups just break through anyway. If I inhale as much as I possibly can or exhale as much as possible, that’s supposed to make it impossible, but my diaphragm’s sheer force of evil will outweighs that of reality itself.

      • Ageroth ( Ageroth@reddthat.com ) 
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        2 years ago

        I’ve always been a fan of leaning over and drinking from the far side of a glass of water. Something about swallowing liquid while inverted resets whatever it is in my brain or lungs

      • ifItWasUpToMe ( ifItWasUpToMe@lemmy.ca ) 
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        2 years ago

        Get a glass of water and a straw. Plug your ears, drink through the straw for absolutely as long as you can. Has never not worked for me, used to have a hell of a time getting rid of hiccups.

        • Probius ( Probius@sopuli.xyz ) OP
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          2 years ago

          I’ll give it a shot next time!

    • tetris11 ( tetris11@lemmy.ml ) 
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      2 years ago

      Well yeah, when you’re dead there’s hardly anything leftover whatsoever

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