I would have liked my parents to have been understanding of the fact that I had anywhere from serious difficulties up to and including inability, to do things they took for granted as necessary parts of life. Unfortunately they chose the methods of constantly yelling at me, belittling me, and being utterly dismissive and respectless.

Psychologists usually support early intervention. That allows the kid to immediately learn how to do things in the best way for them, instead of being forced to conform to a mold that does bot match them. If you can, an evaluation and follow up with a mental health professional would be beneficial. That would also allow the school to provide reasonable accommodation.

Also consider that having a diagnosis doesn’t mean you have to share the diagnosis with everyone (or anyone).

Please get the diagnosis even if you plan to do absolutely nothing with it.

It opens doors

• Individual Education Plans

• Scholarships for additional services/materials even while attending primary school.

• Scholarships for College

I literally have a scholarship right now for my 5 yr old daughter. The scholarship covers speech therapy, occupational therapy, and I have left overs to purchase equipment like a pc for her use but I will likely put it into a 529 for her.

If she receives this scholarship for even a few years - her college will be all covered.

Not much time to write a better answer, but here’s something that worked for me (for first).

My parents believed they would have restricted my life in some manners if I had an official diagnosis. Instead they put a lot of effort into telling me throughout all my childhood and youth how each person has their pluses and minuses and nobody is objectively better than the others. And they kept making sure that I understand that every humam has a right to be themself and should be proud of their good sides. This gave me a lot of coping mechanisms that have been if huge help for me! I’ve learned to circumnavigate all kinds of problems caused by ADHD, which means I’ve been able to fully take advantage of all the good things ADHD brings.

However, this also meant that I was absorbing information very efficiently and therefore never had to do my homework and got almost the best possible grades anyway. But around the age of 15 that started to seriously backfire, getting worse with the time. Not only did the school grow more difficult and my ADHD started to have an actual effectively on my learning. Learning the habit of doing my homework without any ADHD medicine was almost impossible and I would have flunked school of my teacher hadn’t said: “I’m not accepting this quitting, I’m not going to look at that paper. If someone in this school deserves to pass, then that’s you. You’re 18. I’ll offer you a beer at a bar and we’ll talk about it!”

At thenage of 24 I finally understood I had ADHD and learned the meanings of so many words (now my children want my attention; will write more later!)

(Text continues again:) so, I learned the meanings of some very important words. Here’s a graph showing what had always annoyed me:

The left bar, in blue, is how careful I was when doing things. The right bar, in green, is how careful I could be when I really put a lot of effort into it. It’s a big difference, as you can see! And it didn’t matter to people. They could not see me working hard. They could always find something small to complain about, and that bugged the hell out of me!

So, in the age of 24 I got my ADHD diagnosis and started taking medicine for it. That’s when I learned what I’m showing in the next diagram:

Once I understood what the word “carefully” actually means, I could reach at least almost that highest level even after I ended my medication for a decade. It’s a hell of a lot of work, but I can get there when needed now that I know it exists.

So, yeah, the medication did help. I am a proponent of trying to live without ADHD medication. I have managed to get the good out of my ADHD. I hitchhiked from Finland to India and that was an experienced that made my life better and gave me skills I’ve been later able to use professionally. I am a walking Wikipedia, and because I’m always zooming back and forth and because I always am overly optimistic with timetables, I run a lot and ride my bike fast. And that means I’m physically surprisingly fit, even though I’ve been at a gym, I think, three times in my life? At my work at a children’s daycare centre the standard answer to random but complicated questions like “what is evolution” is “let’s ask Tuukka.” And, my specific line of work is that I’m the reserve person of a daycare centre. Every day I’m working at the same house, but I have no group of my own. Instead, I’m always in the group where I’m needed the most. Sometimes in two different groups during the day. Every child in that daycare centre feels like I’m an own adult of their group. This ability to hop into situations and grasp the situation of the group quickly is something I’ve got because of ADHD. And to be playful. At the same time, I have it more difficult than my colleagues with tracking the overall social constellation that a group’s children form, so if I was in one group only, my ADHD would also be a handicap. Although, the playfulness that the lack of dopamine has caused me to have as a coping mechanism, would be super useful in that work anyway. Still: I decided I want to build my life ADHD-compatible and I’ve found my niche. I don’t need to be a muggle. Yes, that closes some doors, but it also opens some other doors. My ADHD makes me better suited for my precise profession than any of my colleagues would be. Those just tend to be a little bit hidden, such as the existence of the profession as a reserve person of a daycare centre :) But then again, the ADHD helps me notice such small things better.

But, at the same time, I am sad that I began the medication as late as at 24. I could have had very much better teenage years if I had used an ADHD medication even for just a year or two around the beginning of my teenage years. Also, ADHD medicine has less effect if you’ve used it during the childhood when the brain is still growing very fast. The brain kind of routes itself around the medication, finding ways to be what it would be without the medication anyway. And then that grows into the physical structure of the brain, causing a certain level of tolerance for ADHD medication. In other words: an ADHD medication will have a lesser effect on the brain if the brain has been able to build ways to avoid the effects of the medication when it was still growing. But, each child is different. If one of my young ones end up having ADHD, I will observe them carefully, and if it looks like their life might go off the rails because of ADHD, then yes, I will get them the medication. The diagnosis will of course come as soon as possible, medication or not. It takes about one to two years to get the diagnosis done, so if I decide “my child needs to begin an ADHD medication!”, the diagnosis must be already made!

I don’t think my parents made the correct choice in actively trying to be oblivious about my ADHD, even though they also supported me with finding coping mechanism to “whatever it is you might have or develop”. A lot of things they’ve said to me are schoolbook examples of what one should never say to a child with ADHD. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is not a nice thing to have, and many people with ADHD develop it :(

So, to close this, I’ll add what I think is the very most important thing for parents of an ADHD child: There are excellent books on ADHD. Ask your local ADHD support organization for what is best to read in your language and read at least two books on how to be a good parent of an ADHD child. If you can support them find the best of their ADHD, you’re raising a star :) (Also, parenting an ADHD child is nerve-wrecking. Remember that you have human rights. Also remember to actively build a support net when you still have energy for it. An aunt or uncle or similar that has been a part of the child’s life since almost the beginning can be worth their weight in platinum when you run out of steam!)

All in all: My life would, all things considered, be far worse without my ADHD. I’ve reached a lot because of it.

Diagnosed as an adult

My parents tried punishments and rewards to get me to do my homework. Neither worked. They never considered that I was telling the truth when I said “I can’t do that”. No matter how hard I tried, there were some simple things that I just couldn’t do. (I did get an apology as an adult when they finally had the missing information).

On the other hand, I was so good at the other subjects that I didn’t have to study or even try until I got to higher education, then I didn’t know how and failed badly.

Diagnosing early can help with getting access to medication later in life. Medication can be helpful with controlling focus, but be aware that children often don’t have the vocabulary to tell you that the medication has uncomfortable sides effects, so you’ll need to be aware of them (and consult a professional - not just a random internet person).

ADHD isn’t an attention deficit disorder, it’s an attention regulation disorder. Hyperfocus is just as common as a lack of focus, and it’s not possible to force a hyperfocus or even direct it on the correct task. It is possible to do a task that’s different from the current hyperfocus, but it takes a lot of energy.

Be aware of burnout, work with the ADHD not against it where possible, but keep in mind that sometimes things are just going to be difficult.

You seem to care, and know where to ask for help. You’ll do fine.

Edit: I would love to give you tips for how to get daily tasks done, but my partner still has to remind me to eat some days. If you ever find out, please let me know.

Diagnose and medicate - since getting through school absolutely requires it and failing school might bring with it other bad things for a kid when it comes to which people they hang out with etc.

/father of ADHD school kid

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I am pretty sure I have ADHD, but never been diagnosed. I had to learn certain things throughout school growing up and I almost failed out of my freshman year in high school. I was able to turn that around and figure out how to study and focus when needed. I basically used music and TV to help.

My kid has ADHD and I did get him diagnosed. I do not want to medicate him either. I would much rather help him learn how to control himself when possible instead of medicating him. It takes a lot of work. Especially in today’s age with avenues like YouTube where my kid will get absorbed into that for hours. Just like yours, he will forget to eat.

It takes a lot of work from my side to keep him focused. I have to sit down with him to do his homework. He goes to a school where it’s a bit more academically challenging as well, so what should only take 30 mins, might take 1-2 hours. He’s well ahead of his peers in certain areas like reading where he’s about 4 grade levels ahead. So, it’s not that he struggles with school or the material, it’s just focus. I have to make sure he does everything he needs to when getting dressed or ready. I have him in many activities to get him away from tv, YouTube, and other digital devices. It’s a lot of work on my end, but I do feel like it’s helping. In kindergarten we would probably spend 5 hours almost every night on homework. Now it’s 1-2 hours sort of spread out. He understands what is expected of him and he has better habits when it comes to studying.

The main reason I got him diagnosed was because of his school. This way they understand and can make any accommodations due to his behavior at times.

At the end of the day, for us, it’s all about routine. Even for myself. When I go on vacation and get out of a routine, I start going all over the place. Same for him. So, having a routine helps significantly. We do x homework first, then Y homework. We get our clothes on first, then brush our teeth for example. We go to x activity on this day at this time. This means I have had to become more organized myself, which is difficult for me.

Learn everything you can about ADHD. Figure out what traits be has doesn’t have.

Most importantly, discuss these things with him! Don’t let him grow up confused and having to figure all this out on his own. Don’t assume the school(s) will explain anything.

• Get them officially diagnosed: start looking for an appointment now!
• Decide about treatment based on science. In most cases, I believe, medication has the better outcome over non-medication; occupational therapy possibly too at that age, psychotherapy later. But they can tell you what works for that specific case.
• Educate yourself and show compassion. Ask yourself “could this be purely neurological?” before getting angry or forcing something.

During the holidays, I observed my son medicated and unmedicated. I noticed how unmedicated, he gets into all sorts of annoyances to himself even when just playing a board game with me. It’s overall not as good of an experience for himself: He is distracted and makes worse decisions, gets my mood down by tripping over water or toppling stacks of cards etc. There are many little things that add up to worse experiences. Might have a hard time getting into whatever is trending in his class, be it sports teams or trading cards.

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