deleted by creator

Exactly, that’s why we have to end the punitive and carceral ‘justice’ system that doesn’t work and move to a restorative and transformative justice system instead.

This would lead to less harm over time as it would not only remove the conditions that make people fear speaking out about their abuse, but also lead to teaching people not to abuse in the first place.

The reason why such things happen is because of abuse growing up and a lack of education on how to go about having good relationships with others, gender roles and toxic relationships with those who are supposed to care for us is a huge problem and the current system is incapable of dealing with, catching and changing these problems because they simply put do not wish the status quo to change, it benefits them.

If the power in society was not put with ‘parents’ and allowed communities to catch, educate and modify such behaviour and remove children from such situations over time it would lower such problems. The current system does not seek to deal with the root causes, it only punishes long after any such harm and bad lessons have been taught which clearly does not work.

That’s why we need restorative and transformative justice to remove the core power dynamics in relationships and throughout society which lead to such things, it wouldn’t be overnight, but then the current system clearly doesn’t know how to nor does it wish to get rid of these things and so it isn’t ever going to deal with them.

Removed by mod

Agreed.

I am a man and I am a victim of repeated child sexual abuse. It has broken me forever. While I don’t feel comfortable explaining what effects it had on me, let’s say that I’ll never be a normal functioning person because of what was done to me.

To what you said I would like to add that some of us are victims too and being generalized and then labeled as rapists or apologists is so fucking triggering, it’s actually madening. The idea of being associated with my perpetrator is intolerable.

I get it that sexual misconducts are more prevalent in men, but something like 1 in 6 boys will experience some sort of sexual abuse. That is a shitton of victims being labeled as rapist apologists.

Anyways, like you, I think we can have this discussion without aggressively accusing all members of a given gender.

Especially lately with all the Epstein stuff being discussed, I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling trapped in a constant spiral of flashbacks and stuck in a non-stop dissociated state especially that there is no accountability in sight.

In any cases, let’s have compassion for all the victims no matter their gender or sex and let’s focus our anger toward the abusers.

You didn’t have to tell us you are a man, it was obvious. What you just did is provide a great example of why we need better education on gender based and sexual violence.

Firstly, there is almost a complete certainty that you know a rapist and may even be friendly with one. The overwhelming majority of sexual violence perpetrators are men and that violence is facilitated through the nuclear family model and social ostricization of men who challenge rape culture.

I have had multiple women in different generations of my family disclose sexual violence from men beloved by dozens of people who were none the wiser. I have sat at tables where men make jokes about getting women drunk on purpose like it doesn’t reflect lived experiences only for other men to laugh along enthusiastically or nervously. I have been in classes where men discuss harassing women in the workplace without it being challenged. I could not name the amount of friends I’ve lost when I challenge them on their views, all of them have been men. Every one of those personal experiences reflects statistical data we have on sexual violence rates and rape culture reproduction.

You seem to have this fantasy that rapists are men who jump out of the darkness to prey on strangers, but they’re your friends and family who prey on those you know. They do talk about it, all the time. Whether they’re talking about the act of rape or why rape is okay, they talk about it. You cannot insulate yourself from this culture without abandoning the responsibility to challenge it.

When you say shit like, “not all men,” you’re admitting to an insecurity you have about the potential injustice of rape accusations and the association between manhood and sexual violence. Too bad, you’re in it and have to choose to challenge it or continue to participate through inaction. The fear of false rape accusations is almost completely unfounded in a world where women face consequences for reporting and convictions of sexual assault are so difficult to get. False convictions are so statistically rare and acting like they arent shows that you value your comfort more than believing victims. Men are the vast majority of rapists and most women have experienced gender based or sexual violence at one point in their lives. As long as they exist in a culture where that violence will most likely come from men and most men do not challenge it, manhood will be associated with sexual violence. When you say that if a cartoon rapist should ever appear you’ll give’em a wollop, you’re subscribing to an imagination of sexual violence that obscures the reality of its frequency and potential vectors. You’re telling the women around you that you do not care about what they experience and only think of rape as a vector for you to fulfill the masculine fantasy of violently punishing a rapist to protect the poor, helpless women.

This is all of course ignoring your fundamental misunderstanding of what rape is when you discuss it as though it’s a form of sex. There is no discussion to be had about whether men kiss and tell about rape because rape is not sex. It is about violence and power. It happens at high rates in highly patriarchal societies exactly because of the brutal hierarchy of power that must be maintained for that patriarchy to exist.

I don’t care if most men don’t rape, most rapists are men and the greatest resistance we get to challenging rape culture is from men. If that bothers you, learn.

Determined how?

I can’t imagine that’s a survey that’d be filled out honestly…

Jesus Christ 3% of men are rapists? That’s horrifyingly high. I knew I was terrified of men but I wasn’t scared enough.

It’s really not. If a rapist rapes several women, there’s a 1xN distribution. Then they think they did nothing wrong, so they won’t mention they raped someone, but that they had some fun with someone, if you don’t know them well you might think they meant they had a date which what normal people do.

So, less perpetrators than victims and perpetrators either don’t think they did it or they know and don’t say it. It’s normal for regular men not to know. I’m a man and I know of victims, not perpetrators.

Also male. Any convicted rapist I’ve heard of says it was consensual.

Man here as well. I was sexually assaulted at work. Company did nothing but I did spend some time in a mental ward due to having panic attacks coming back into the office.

Assaulter was a man, never got fired. I was kinda told to deal with it.

I don’t think I’m friends with any rapists but it’s hard to tell. I had a friend that gets like a large number of hits on Tinder and basically hooks up really often with a new chick. One day, he described how he treated one of his girls that he wanted to settle down with, I was a bit horrified. He was saying things like, “she really thought she was at my level, I had to tell her I was number one in this relationship”, “I had to separate her from her friends they were getting on my nerves”. I was like … oh shit, this guy’s a possible abuser. I just kinda stopped hanging out with the dude. That girl did eventually dump him which he was sobbing to me about.

I try to avoid people like that to be honest.

Bluntly, everyone should consider themselves to be a mandatory reporter.

I know the term has a specific legal definition, but if more people adopted that mindset, then maybe there would be fewer rapists walking free…

Exactly why we need to rethink how we deal with this kind of thing.

Guy: talks about how unproblematic he and his buddies are.

Me: Checks inside.

It’s all him puffing himself up about shit he doesn’t know about and bitching about the woke left.

I’m sure you’re very good at detecting dangerous men in your family and friend group.

Sadness? The ability/duty to do something meaningful about it to ensure they don’t do it again, i.e. not punishment but working with them to undo whatever entitlement they have, lessons they have been taught, trauma they have and power structures they are part of that allows them or makes they want to, do it.

And aggressive. Their hate of women really spills out

Removed by mod