The first half is true. The conclusion is wrong.
No one ever thinks they’re in the wrong while they’re doing something. No one. The fact that they are doing it is evidence that they have a justification for it. People only realize they’re the problem after they do a thing. That’s not just men. That’s how we all work. Men change when they can be convinced that their past behavior was wrong.
Thank you! I can’t stand the sentiment that people can’t change. It’s so harmful.
I agree. I think the reason that this kind of behavior is so prominent in men is that the world around them tends to be more approving of men in general. A patriarchal society will be more forgiving and allow worse behavior to fester in men while being more scrutinizing and judgemental of “others”.
Himpathy. It’s a real thing.
Besides disagreeing with the conclusion, I’m deeply suspicious of accounts with “radfem” in the name since that’s what TERFs like to call themselves.
I just call them transphobes, as I don’t perceive them to be feminist in any way. If they were, then they wouldn’t be fighting to reduce their own bathroom access, fighting to subject people to nonconsensual bodily inspections, and so on.
Emancipation is about liberating people from rigid gender roles, not policing them.
Extremely true! It can help to understand the type of transphobe so you can pick up on dog whistles like radfem more easily of course.
Most people that get called TERFs aren’t radical feminists, they’re liberal feminists at best and plain old misogynists at worst. They don’t believe that patriarchal society is responsible for women’s oppression and they certainly don’t believe that it must be changed by means of revolution.
Sure, but that’s how they choose to label themselves. Like the same way Nazis weren’t socialist but they stuck it in their name (and then persecuted the socialists). Being suspicious of people using the label “radfem” is normal since anyone who is actually radical about feminism in a non-transphobic way would use a different label to avoid association with TERFs.
Are you doing a terrible job of articulating that the specific term “radfem” (as opposed to the full radical feminist) is a dog whistle? Because it seems like you’re saying socialists shouldn’t call themselves socialists because the Nazis called themselves national socialists.
I think you are willfully misinterpreting me if you think I’m implying that. Radfem is specifically used by TERFs, yes. Terrible people appropriate neutral or positive terms to make themselves sound better all the time. Understanding specific contexts where those appropriations are used to signal bad faith usage is important so you don’t end up platforming TERFs and Nazis, reasonable enough?
I’m not willfully misinterpreting you, you’re just a bad communicator - I asked a clear and direct question with two distinct options, and you chose ‘that’. I’m more confident you’re just trying to say ‘“radfem” is a dogwhistle’, but you’re still dancing around the point for no apparent reason.
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This is a women’s only community. If you happen to be a woman or in one of the other groups covered under the sidebar, why are you inventing a ridiculous interpretation of this comment? If you’re not, kindly leave us.
Swap the genders and the OOP sounds like a mass shooter’s manifesto.
If you think what I said is ridiculous, you’re telling on yourself.
I note you didn’t address the implied question. I’ll ask it straight up.
Are you compliant with rule #1?
Thanks so much for giving us your opinion! We are women only so I’m afraid I’ve had to ban you. Have a good week ❤️
The old “No one would put up with this if you swapped the genders” bullshit. Tired. There’s a reason we use context and nuance in our interpretations, because women are systematically abused by the favoured gender.
You’re not just reading between the lines, you’re looking at something else entirely.
No, you are.
Misogynist. Probably a dude.
No one really ever thinks they’re evil.
That’s like those billboards you see driving home that say domestic violence is wrong as is if some wife-beater is going to see it and be like, “oh shit no way.”
Those are meant more for women, to help them recognize abusive situations are not alright.
I can’t tell if they know it’s wrong deep down, or they just know that others think it’s wrong.
I don’t know if it’s right or wrong but I do know many of the guys who say “not all men” tend to be the ones that don’t treat women well.
I would agree. Just as everyone is the hero of their own story, no one is the ‘bad guy’ in their own story…and will often do olympic level mental gymnastics to fit that image.
It’s true only insofar as “every man” is expected to literally mean 100% of men.
I think it’s fair to say most men don’t believe they ever mistreat women, even if they do.
But as a man, I also have learned and grown a lot in this area over the course of my own relationships. So change certainly happens, and it’s important we keep increasing the share of men who work to unlearn misogyny and treat women better.
But as a man…
…you don’t think you need to follow rules laid down by women?
Oh shit, my bad. Didn’t realize what community I was replying in.
It’s fine don’t worry. Thanks for understanding and have a lovely week 😊
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