My manufacturer decided he would rather have his memories of the “My depressed son” mask he forced me to wear than know his daughter who actually knows how to smile now. Hed rather message me about how hurt he is by my being happy.
I continue to hold out a vain hope that maybe one day he comes around but for now he refuses to even sit down and have a conversation with me about it because the idea of my being trans makes him feel icky.
‘I’d rather you be miserable than be happy’ is such an awful, shitty way of being
Glad you’re nowhere near such a horrible person ❤️
Yeah, given the choice of “be normal or be happy” I chose happy, and that really seems to have ruined his mood for the last year.
‘Normal’ is overrated anyway, better to be weird and happy
He never had a son, he had a daughter going through pain trying to act like a son. It’s so sad he doesn’t see that, and would rather you suffer than accept who you truly are. I’m so glad you’ve managed to overcome that and accept your true gender, you’ve done amazing
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The only advice I can give you: Make peace with the idea you might lose him now. Assume he’s going to reject you, and be ready to mourn his loss if that’s the outcome.
I made peace with the fact that I’d lose them long before I came out to them. I hold out hope that maybe they’ll both come around, but ultimately… Being myself, authentically, is worth it.
I’m finally comfortable in my skin, happy with who I am, and I’m not about to let him or anyone else make me feel bad about that.
The world became a slightly better place when my dad died.
Ooof what an epitaph
I never realised how ‘normal’ my family were until I met my bf and his horrendous mother and brothers
It takes a lot of pain for a person to finally go no contact, or be relieved when a family member finally dies
There are far too many shitty parents and siblings out there
I hope you’re still having a good day today, because he’s not here
Thank you, I am. I have two wonderful (now adult) children and can at least give my dad credit for teaching me what kind of father not to be.
I hear you mate. Ability to reproduce doesn’t make someone a good parent and the world is better off without some people. I’m sorry he was like that
thank you
Yeah, I can agree with this. Mine died about 2 years ago. He didn’t even call to let his own children know he was sick. I had not talked to him for over 25 years and he chose not to reach out when I almost died in a car crash 13 years ago. I finally feel like I can visit my home state without the anxiety of running into him and the woman he cheated with and abandoned his family for.
I am happy for all the folks who have good dads though. Please give those good guys an extra hug from us ladies who had shitty dads.
Ugh… sorry you had to deal with that. :(
🫂 hugs for you too
Mine died while we were talking on the phone. He had been rushed to the hospital (hiding how bad his cancer was), went into cardiac arrest, got revived, called me and said hello and asked how I was. I asked how he was and he said okay, normal voice. That was it.
As a father I can say that your Dad only wanted you to be happy no matter what, not to suffer a single day but we can’t protect you from everything. I’ll also need to go at some point and leave my kids behind and it pains me that I won’t be able to spare them from that day.
True stuff. I can’t deny that he came back from the dead and I was the person he called, lol. So that’s a privilege no one else got.
My dad suddenly died a few weeks ago. We didn’t have a relationship, though I tried a few times over the years. Definitely going thru grief, but I think a lot of it is grieving what I never got to have.
Foxy that’s really sad news. You never got the dad you deserved, all kids deserve supportive parenting and you didn’t get that. Him dying has got to bring things up, and it’s no surprise you’re grieving what you never got to have. Don’t forget you can reach out here whenever you want to… you may find !dadforaminute@lemmy.world helpful too ❤️
I feel you, my Dad is still here but I grew up without him and when I realized it’s not a time you can make up for I grieved for the time we lost. I’m going to make sure mine don’t go through the same thing.
It’s in the middle.
He’s not malicious but he’s not warm and fuzzy. He’s very short sighted and he has done hurtful things towards my mother, which in turn made my childhood a bit unstable(cheated on my mother, divorce when I was 8, got back together when I was 17, cheated again). He tries to do nice things for me and my brother but it’s when he thinks about it.
I’m sure a lot of people would take that over what they have though.
Middle isn’t great but isn’t horrendous either. Instability isn’t good for anyone especially a child, and it sounds like there’s a lot of disruption with it. It’s far from ideal
Mine was an alcoholic and died when I was 19 because of it, but had already been kicked out the house for a few years prior. He was an okay dad I guess in as much that he never hit or yelled at me and tried to get me things I wanted, he was just always drunk. I know he was a shitty husband to my mom. They fought a lot.
I wish I had the chance to have an adult relationship with my dad.
Alcohol can be so destructive and it’s helpless watching someone drink. It’s a shame you never got the chance with him
My dad passed away when I was 10, in late April of 2014. Been 13 years of not having him for father’s day. Don’t remember what we even did for most of those few fathers days I got with him, just a blur for me.
I try to stay off the internet for most of the day and distract myself so I don’t spend the entire day crying. Doesn’t work very well, still end up crying for a good chunk of the day. Just wish I got one more Father’s Day with him.
Relax, it’s only US-ian fathers day, you can wait until November to mourn the Scandic one.
My dad died 5 years ago. He was not a perfect man, but he was good. He loved his kids more than anything. He died because of a medical procedure that he was too scared to tell us the details about. I miss him a lot. He never got to know that he had a second daughter, but i am certain he would have loved and supported me through my transition.
How does it feel to have a father…?
Mine just got diagnosed with stage 4 metastasized cancer so…
