I have 3 kids. The most tired I had ever been was working a dead end job in my 20s.
The best advice I got related to this is that “it’s not a competition.”
I kept putting off taking care of my health because I wasn’t as burnt out/sick/tired/as much pain as someone else. So if they were still moving forward I should be too, right?
No. I didn’t need to wait until my chest cold was pneumonia because the chemo was worse for my friend. Or my limp wasn’t as bad as their constant pain. Or I wasn’t as bone-tired as them, I’ll just chug some caffeine.
If you are breaking down, you are breaking down.
We don’t expect a wooden bridge to hold under the same daily stresses as the Golden Gate. We fix them both as they meed repair. We don’t wait until the Golden Gate needs repair to fix all the other ones.
I wasn’t unsympathetic beforehand or anything, but dealing with an extremely high energy kitten that literally could not be silent for more than 6 hours in a row made me understand infant parent crash outs a lot more. After months of not getting enough sleep you start to go insane. And this was just for a kitten that woke me up too early, I wasn’t even responsible for all the parent shit on top of it.
Cats are crepuscular but you can train/coax them out of disturbing you. E.g. blackout curtains/door guard and smart lights to create your own sunrise at a time you’ve had a full sleep
I’m working a dead end job (more like career—I’m a programmer) with no kids. The fun in the work is gone and I feel unmoored. I’d honestly be okay with exhaustion caused by watching kids grow and learn, over the exhaustion I have from being forced to use AI while learning nothing.
I feel you. I’m thinking of getting out of my dead end office job (dead end unless I want to get into management, and I don’t) and apprenticing as an electrician or something. Yeah it’s physically harder but I’m just sick of what I’m doing.
Can’t take the paycut yet though.
You and I are in the same boat, friend. The money is too hard to turn away. The upside is that I really enjoy the folks I work with. Electrician, plumber, carpenter—they all sound intriguing. My dad went from electrical engineer to carpenter. Loved it.
I also got lucky with my direct coworkers, they’re great. Some of the people from other teams… eh.
I just need to get things squared away so that I can get a good year or two into an apprenticeship, assuming union, then I’d be doing fine financially and by the time I’d get to journeyman I’d be making a little more than currently.
But boy that’s getting tougher to do every day. Rents up, utilities are up, groceries are up. I’m already self hosting several things that have cut out most of my subscriptions (just started hosting music, and it’s actually pretty good, no “discovery” but I’m solving that with excessive numbers). It’s a process, but I’m hopeful I’ll get there in about a year. Also a bit worried I do all this and hate the new thing too lol.
In any case good luck to you.
I mean, it’s always been a lot of fun to have kids, exhaustion or not. Literally the greatest and most long running project in most lives, and a source of meaning if not always happiness. I think people are crazy to deny themselves that kind of grounding and foundation to build a life on, but I acknowledge that people have different desires and goals in life.
I think there is a difference between single days of exhaustion and long periods of tiredness that you don’t know when you’ll be able to rest again.
Being tired while having kids is a moving goal post. You think to yourself “no one can live like this” and then you find a new depth of stamina and it doesnt seem so bad until they get a little older and find new ways to exhaust you and the cycle repeats
Unless you are doing 50 hours+ at an extremely shitty job type deal, or have some challenging mental illness, you probably haven’t dealt with anything as difficult as the first 2 years of having a kid.
It doesn’t mean you aren’t going through shit or that a parent who says that isn’t an asshole. But you probably haven’t, been through anything remotely as emotionally physically challenging, it’s just reality. There will be edge cases but you just probably haven’t dealt with that level of sleep deprivation and anger 🤷♂️.
It’s silly to get mad over it.
classic ragebait works every time
