My childhood trauma is opening up to my parents about anything and then it being used against me. So I think I’m good, thanks.
Hearing the mildly traumatic event you told your mom about increase in scale with every phonecall your mom makes that day
deleted by creator
Trust me. It was intentional.
deleted by creator
I’ve been learning a lot about covert narcissism and it explains exactly why my life has been in shambles for the past 3 decades and never seems to get better.
deleted by creator
Ah, the old classics.
r/LetGirlsHaveFun is leaking and it’s great
Damn we don’t have a comm like that on Lemmy apparently
Be the change you want to see in this world.
Thanks for the recommendation, heheh
deleted by creator
For what its worth, I can offer an e-hug, if you’d like.
deleted by creator
I’m banking it, I probably will at some point =)
Same, but for me there are certain types of people and smells that put me extremely on edge for no logical reason. Any loud noise or actual aggressive language puts me into fight-or-flight mode. I don’t hyperventilate, but I start to babble, and I have a very hard time with people showing interest in me romantically or even just touching me.
deleted by creator
I do my best.
I’m a bit beyond the point of beating myself up or lashing out. Currently living alone for the first time in my life (I’m not a young man mind you) and each day is a bit of discovery and introspection.
I have bad days and bad habits but therapy and aweness helps keep things in perspective. It’s hard to explain to people the point I’m at. I don’t consider myself depressed. I’d say I’m re-discovering myself while also trying not to fall into the full escape of solitude.
It’s generally nice, though really ‘healing’ I think, requires some discomfort. So no, not beating myself up. Not angry these days. I’m just trying to be a brave little guy when I need to be.
best of luck on your journey too.
deleted by creator
Jokes on her. I don’t remember most of it
What you no longer know can’t hurt you (anymore).
That’s not how CPTSD works.
The power move counter to this is you trauma dump before sexy time, and then, if they help you through it, then have the sexy time.
You’re gonna be naked, bare your body.
Why not also bare your inner self?
I feel like this only works if you’re a woman, but yeah. Decent way to vet a dude’s empathy capabilities
… I am a man and I have successfully done this more than once.
Not like, out of the blue, first date hookup kind of thing. More like… we’ve at least been dating for a few weeks, more like months usually, kind of thing.
Sometimes, it ends up with just comforting, no sexy time, just … more or less bonding time.
But, sometimes, it does end up with sexy time.
If your goal is relating to the other person, growing a relationship with them, not just sex with them… it doesn’t matter.
Because your tomorrow will include that person.
I believe you. There’s some kinds of trauma though that are just inherently more stigmatized by cis-het women. Sure people value our capacity for vulnerability and candor but some societal norms haven’t really seen any progress on that particular end of the spectrum.
Regarding trauma about male-on-male SA, various addictions, or accusations of sexual misconduct the general public still isn’t really that progressed in it’s ability to handle. They’re not really kinds of trauma that you can dress up in a cool jacket and say “well I’m a better person for having endured it”
It really depends I guess on the woman. At least a third of the men I have dated have been SA’d by other men as children. I think because I had shared with them my family trauma, which includes this kind of violence, it made them more comfortable to tell me. At least a couple, I was the first gf they told.
This is why I dont agree with the whole "it’s rude to ‘trauma dump’ on people thing. I never mean harm, but I do share my story. Firstly, because my cptsd is legit baggage a potential partner will have to support my in, and second, so also a person with their own baggage doesnt feel like a freak for having it. My crowd was always other baggage carriers (sorry for this metaphor, but its working rn).
I learned very young the horrors of …this. It comes down to the person, and thier life expierences. While dating one fella, who was SA’d as a young person by his adopted father, I saw discourse online a lot with people making fun of men for thinking washing their ass was “gay”, and folks making fun of this. I was actually dating this guy, who thought this. It was because he was raped at 12. I didnt judge, but he did break up with me after a half year or so. But now, I dont think the jokes are so funny anymore. How many of these men who think like this were raped as boys? You cant help but wonder.
This issue runs close to my heart, and I only hope that change can come in the next few generations. It is starting to be talked about, but I really hope to see change before I die in regards to the taboo in talking about this. I hope men in thier own circles are disscussing it.
Ill trauma drump as much as I want, because it could help someone not ready to talk about it. I dont carry shame in this regard, and I wish others wouldnt either. These boys grow into men, and feel such shame, blame themselves, and get complexes. If only I could heal everyone. Thats my genie wish.
I agree with you, I’d just like to point out that, at least to me, the term trauma dumping means explicitly talking about trauma in an inappropriate environment/situation. For example, imagine talking to your coworker about them visiting their dad for his birthday, and then starting to talk about trauma relating to your dad. That is trauma dumping. In a dating context it’s more likely that you are in a situation where sharing your trauma is appropriate.
you know, absolutely
Well said.
100% agree.
We still have a ways to go in… socially realizing / allowing men to actually express emotional pain… I literally instinctively wanted to just call it ‘weakness’, lol.
We are still basically at ‘well if you are a man and you aren’t basically always a tough guy, well then you must be either gay or totally mentally unstable or something’.
That being said, of course there are exceptions to this, my experiences are proof of that, but yeah, its not the norm.
May I advise doing the exact opposite?
It’s going to be hard for him to share his trauma if he’s still panting.
If all the sharing is done before all the panting, the waiting can be skipped and the parts involved can go straight to the orgasms.
I would just go catatonic and then eventually say “I gotta go wash my dick”
