CW: Sexual mentions (just in case)

Hi. I will admit, we’re pretty young. So, I saw the post about some guy having trouble with his girlfriend, and I thought of our relationship.

My girlfriend always wants to text me, like every 2 seconds, and gets worried if I don’t respond within a minute.

She’s actually very sweet and caring, but she too has trouble paying attention to what I have to say because of her ADHD.

I’m pretty much asexual, I believe, or on the ace spectrum. I probably fit a microlabel (aegosexual, aceflux, etc.) of that, but IDK. I also have trouble saying no, but I’m trying to learn to assert myself.

The thing I feel bad about is that because I have trouble saying no, she probably thinks I’m just a very sexual person. I do enjoy experimenting with sex, but thanks to my low sex drive, not that much.

And it’s more like I just get feelings down there than actually wanting sex.

As much as I love her, though, she’s also pretty… emotional? And because of that, she often blames herself or gets really upset during the times I did say no.

  • Lily ( Shirow@lemmy.zip ) 
    8·
    2 days ago

    To be fair I have been doing this. Please do not hide it. Communication is better. I couldn’t say no, because I was thinking about the impact of my words if I said so. My previous partner had a really low self esteem. And me refusing was often taken as I don’t love her anymore, I don’t desire her… But this is not healthy and will damage you.

    • Monica (elle) ( JeSuisMonica@jlai.lu ) OP
      5·
      2 days ago

      Thank you. My therapist has also stated I am in an unhealthy relationship, but I can’t leave her for numerous reasons even though my therapist says I can feel bad, but it doesn’t mean I’m bad

  • cyngi ( cyngi@midwest.social ) 
    5·
    2 days ago

    I can speak to this from the opposite end, and I hope my perspective can help a little. When I was younger I used to be the same way - I was overly sexual and I would take a decline personally - as if I wasn’t wanted anymore or wasn’t loved. It was 100% not the case and it took a frank conversation from my S.O. and a bit of growing up to realize sexual intimacy doesn’t eclipse other forms of it, and it is actually disrespectful to who I was purporting to love by suggesting that it did with my reactions to it.

    It took communication and a will to change on my part. And I was wrong.