Some context. I’m from a western country but live in a non western country in a big city where driving is a bit more tricky.

I went out with two friends to a city close nature area. One of the friends volunteered to drive her car and take us. The other friend was in the passenger seat. I was in the back, which seems important as some make a different regarding the responsability for co-drivers.

I’ve driven with sais friend once or twice before and realized she was a little unsure driving. Never thought much of it though.

On the short way to the nature area we took the highway. When it was about time to take the exit I politely signaled that we almost arrived at the exit. The driving friend confirmed but stayed in the middle of the heavy traffic 3 lane highway. I didn’t say anything afterwards but we proceeded to pass the exit. We were still in the middle lane of the highway and she slowed the car down so much that we came to a full stop in the middle of the highway just past the exit. Cars flew by us left and right. No idea how we were so lucky not to have one slam into us. We somehow made it to the close by gas station.

I was shocked by what just happened but didn’t want to say anything to worsen the situation. The other friend did the same. We just said that it’s all good and can continue to the nature area.

Once on the path to the nature area the road was narrow and bumpy and filled with water holes. But all comfortable enough to have two cars passing each other and the car model was adapted to the road situation.

She started to become very unsettled by every water hole and every oncoming car. I tried to encourage her that the car is suited and the water holes aren’t deep enough to cause problems and that there is enough space for other cars tomorrow pass. Very nervous driving and at one point a branch made a big noise while very slowly making room for an oncoming car. Later it turned out to apparently have left a scratch.

When we drove back we were at a red light with heavy traffic. Literally standing/minimum rolling for 5 minutes. The driving friend was very nervous about all the other cars all the time. At the same time the Navigation was proposing a turn with a big loop through the city. I proposed and insisted a little to take the other way which I knew was a lot shorter.

It was a lot of trouble to propose an alternative causing the driving friend to be more stressed. I tried to explain to the other friend to check the opinion. In the end I let it be and she decided in the last moment to go the way I proposed. I helped navigate to the quick road and we were well on the way.

Then we were on a 3 lane fast road again and again in the middle while we had to get off. Neither me or my friend said anything this time letting the driving friend follow the navigation.

Again we came to a stop in the middle of the road while trying to turn. I turned to look through the back window and this time it was even worse. I saw one car after the other speeding towards us and each time I was sure they’ll crash into us any moment. I was literally scared to die. I just said her name once out of fear.

Somehow again nothing happened and we managed to to get of the speedway with the help of the passenger friend waving down cars from the passenger window. The passenger friend then made a very soft comment asking if it’s ok to make a suggestion. Basically saying it would help to get sooner to the right lane.

When we finally got off I talked a little with my passenger friend to exchange about what just happened. We were in total agreement that the situations were complete nuts and that the driving friend was putting everyone including other cars and herself in danger.

Later that day I wrote the driving friend. Asking how things are going and excusing myself for being a little pushy on that direction situation. We agreed to talk about it in person another day.

A few days later we talked I paid attention not to do any accusations. She said she felt guilty and overestimated herself and didn’t hardly sleep that night, but not excusing herself. I said that it also took me a while to digest having two such dangerous situations in one day.

It was hard for me to feel pity for her as I rather saw myself as the victim of this situation that I had no control over and could not really escape.

I couldn’t really trust my ears though when she finally said things in the direction of giving me responsability for the branch scratching her car and not saying that I feel a pity for her car being scratched and not helping her enough to navigate through the city. I said that I don’t see anything I could have done as I felt the few words were already too much for the stressful situation. Especially given that I was sitting in the back. I also mentioned that the other friend actually put his arm out the window to slow down traffic.

I was frustrated by hearing that and explained that I was in two very dangerous situations and don’t feel I could have done anything to improve the situations. We kinda left off after I said to her that it’s ok and I’m happy nothing happened to us.

But now it seems she holds a grudge and I feel like my response might have been to strong. I feel treated super unjust.

Am I the asshole?

Edit: the other two friends are from western countries as well.

::::: In short :::::

Beginner driver friend brought me in two almost crash situations and scratched her car on a branch in a third situation. Then accuses me of not feeling pity and not helping enough with navigation.

AITA?