DaaftRaaft ( @DaaftRaaft@vlemmy.net ) 14•1 year agoAds are blocked for me in real life. Billboards, posters, tv-commercials, all gone!
hungryphrog ( @hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 23•1 year agoYou start bumping into invisible billboards all the time.
someacnt ( @someacnt@sopuli.xyz ) 9•1 year agoYou realize you are living in North Korea.
muzzle ( @muzzle@kbin.social ) 9•1 year agoThey are blocked by obnoxious flashing and loud beeping noises.
Roundcat ( @Roundcat@kbin.social ) 2•1 year agoRESUME VIEWING AD! RESUME VIEWING AD!
lobster_irl ( @lobster_irl@kbin.social ) 13•1 year agoPhotographic memory!
b3nsn0w ( @b3nsn0w@pricefield.org ) 4•1 year agofuji discontinued the film your memory uses
🐝bownage [they/he] ( @bownage@beehaw.org ) 3•1 year agoU have prostate cancer
Slayer 🦊 ( @MavTheHack@lemmy.fmhy.ml ) 11•1 year agoI can make my dad come back from getting the milk
Lux ( @Lux@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 12•1 year agoHe brings his new family
🐝bownage [they/he] ( @bownage@beehaw.org ) 4•1 year agoThe milk is expired
Roundcat ( @Roundcat@kbin.social ) 10•1 year agoSummon lobsters at will.
neutronst4r ( @neutronst4r@beehaw.org ) 2•1 year agoThe lobster are horse sized and crave human flesh.
DaaftRaaft ( @DaaftRaaft@vlemmy.net ) 10•1 year agoI can jump 10x my own height and can stick to walls
Parsnip8904 ( @Parsnip8904@beehaw.org ) 3•1 year agoYou get vertigo every time you jump
Dumblerawr ( @Dumblerawr@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 3•1 year agoYou have no built in shock absorption and the substance you secrete that allows you to stick to walls also gives you eczema.
TheGiantKorean ( @TheGiantKorean@beehaw.org ) 2•1 year agoBut you stick to walls using your buttocks, and they stick to chairs and anything else you sit on.
Space_Jamke ( @Space_Jamke@lemm.ee ) 9•1 year agoDoes obtaining the financial security of the average adult American in the 1980s count as a superpower? Home ownership on near-minimum wage does seem pretty fantastical.
DaaftRaaft ( @DaaftRaaft@vlemmy.net ) English21•1 year agoBut you become extremely jaded and disappointed in anyone younger than yourself, overcome with än irredeemable urge to tell people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps
Parsnip8904 ( @Parsnip8904@beehaw.org ) English2•1 year agoOh no
DaaftRaaft ( @DaaftRaaft@vlemmy.net ) 8•1 year agoAll my bodily functions smells nice, sort of perfume-like.
AussieTom ( @AussieTom@kbin.social ) 11•1 year agoYour perfume-like scent acts as a pheromone to all insects in your proximity, leading to an endless swarm everywhere you go
Roundcat ( @Roundcat@kbin.social ) 1•1 year agoSo basically anytime I sweat already, but I’ll at least smell better. I honestly see no downsides.
chetradley ( @chetradley@lemm.ee ) 1•1 year agoAll smells you used to enjoy smell like bodily functions.
DaaftRaaft ( @DaaftRaaft@vlemmy.net ) 7•1 year agoI have a set of mental buttons i can press which lets me instantly fix some common flaws of being a human:
- fall asleep
- stop humming a song stuck in my head
- stop feeling light headaches
- postpone hunger for 3 hours
- shut of tinnitus
- make the itching stop
Space_Jamke ( @Space_Jamke@lemm.ee ) 8•1 year agoPressing one inconvenience-fixing button also causes a random inconvenience in the list to reoccur. Hope you like invisible splinters in your socks and random hiccups every time you want to cure your allergies.
Cucumber_coconut ( @Cucumber_coconut@kbin.social ) 2•1 year agoWhen you push one of those buttons, it’s effect is random.
Roundcat ( @Roundcat@kbin.social ) 1•1 year ago“I really need to get this song out of my head so I can concentrate on cla…ZZZZZZZZZZ”
Dumblerawr ( @Dumblerawr@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 1•1 year agoYou fall asleep easily, but you have wicked sleep apnea.
You can stop humming songs but it dials the intrusive thoughts up to 11
Good news, your light headaches have been replaced with moderate migraines.
You can postpone your hunger for 3 hours, but anything you consume within that window you permanently develop a sickness taste aversion to.
The ringing in your ear has been replaced with the Wilhelm scream.
The itching has stopped. The only price was IBS.
DaaftRaaft ( @DaaftRaaft@vlemmy.net ) 7•1 year agoMosquitos that drink my blood instantly die
hungryphrog ( @hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 2•1 year agoWhen they die, they have already stung you and the bites are 2x more itchy.
I can undo and retry fumbled social interactions.
BackStabbath ( @BackStabbath@lemm.ee ) 3•1 year agoBut you shit yourself while you’re going home every time.
Dumblerawr ( @Dumblerawr@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 2•1 year agoRetrying these fumbled social interactions can occasionally lead to absurdly consequential butterfly effects that rock the foundations of the world around you. Every disaster stemming from a social retake is preceded by a benign itch in the back of your ear. Sometimes you just get that itch for literally no reason anyway, though.
Parsnip8904 ( @Parsnip8904@beehaw.org ) 1•1 year agoThe recipient immediately forgets the interaction.
DaaftRaaft ( @DaaftRaaft@vlemmy.net ) 6•1 year agoI can see dead people
Chariotwheel ( @Chariotwheel@kbin.social ) 10•1 year ago… and they see you. You remind them of the taste of food. It’s been so long.
DaaftRaaft ( @DaaftRaaft@vlemmy.net ) 6•1 year agoSeeds i plant always grow to the full size plant in a day.
Roundcat ( @Roundcat@kbin.social ) 12•1 year agoAnd require flesh for sustenance
SteveXVII ( @SteveXVII@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 5•1 year agoAnd they continue to grow at the same pace.
hungryphrog ( @hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 4•1 year agoThey grow immediately, which leads to you getting either stuck inside a tree with wood in your lungs or getting impaled by a plant.
Flaky_Fish69 ( @Flaky_Fish69@kbin.social ) 3•1 year agowhat about fruit? perfectly ripe for lunch the next day?
DaaftRaaft ( @DaaftRaaft@vlemmy.net ) English2•1 year agoLets say, they grow to full ripe size every day
Flaky_Fish69 ( @Flaky_Fish69@kbin.social ) 1•1 year agoYeah…uh… I’d get fat in a hurry.
HappySerf ( @HappySerf@kbin.social ) 1•1 year agoSame. Maybe the fast growth makes them taste like bamboo?
Dumblerawr ( @Dumblerawr@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 2•1 year agoIn doing so you also grant the plant sentience with a mind that develops at the same pace as its physical maturity.
These plants are fully aware that
A. They have been robbed of a full life, B. They exist solely for the harvest C. They are the only ones of their kind and are alone in the vast uncaring universe beyond the prison you call a “window sill”.
They also see you planting other seeds and understand that makes you their parent. It’s a lot to process.
DarkenLM ( @DarkenLM@kbin.social ) 5•1 year agoI can materialize any technology I want, whether it is possible or not.
exododo ( @exododo@lemmy.fmhy.ml ) 11•1 year agoBut everytime you do it you get sued for patent infringement
xeekei ( @xeekei@lemm.ee ) 4•1 year agoTelekinesis with no mass limit.
DaaftRaaft ( @DaaftRaaft@vlemmy.net ) English6•1 year agoBut it also has no speed limit, causing items you pull around to reach light speed almost instantly, effectively growing to infinite size for the duration of the pull
xeekei ( @xeekei@lemm.ee ) English2•1 year agoHonestly, in controlled conditions, I think I can benefit humanity with this.
hungryphrog ( @hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 4•1 year agoI can find any lost object.
Arcturus ( @Arcturus@kbin.social ) 9•1 year agoNone of those objects are yours.
Roundcat ( @Roundcat@kbin.social ) 1•1 year agoWell, apparently I already have this super power.
Lux ( @Lux@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 7•1 year agoYou have to sort through every object anyone has ever lost to do so
Dumblerawr ( @Dumblerawr@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 2•1 year agoAny object you locate begins looking for you