I am having issues letting go of my family. My dad, he’s awesome. Bought me a bunch of makeup and nails polish and is just generally wonderful.

My mom and one of my brothers at least are giant thundercunts. My brother cut me out of my nephew’s life cuz 8 “is too young to be thinking of gender identity,” even though they have been saying “it’s a boy” since the ultrasound. My mom is standing up for my brothers parental rights, yet won’t even say my brother is being a dickheaded bigot. “Cuz I’m 37 and old enough to fight my own battles”

I want my mom and my brothers. I’m really sad and hurt. I have told them as such. They do not care. How do I cut them out and let them go. It’s really hard.

I’m just torturing myself every day, trying to win them over. It hurts that they don’t care. I want them in my life, but not if they are going to be filled with so much hate.

Help?

  •  Chimaeratorian   ( @Chimaeratorian@beehaw.org ) 
    19•9 months ago

    I am not trans myself so I can’t speak to that specific situation but as someone who has let many people go in life: you cannot beg people to be in your life. Family, for some people, can just be bad people you happen to share DNA with. The hardest thing to realize is they were likely always this way, you just lived your life passably before and no longer meet their approval (which despite how much it hurts right now, you do not need to find happiness or success in life).

    Treat your dad with kindness as long as he treats you the same. For the others, go no-contact or limited contact if it means you can keep in touch with your dad. Let mother and siblings realize how much of a cool daughter/sister they are missing out on, but do not attach your every hope on that happening because it may never, but that is NOT a reflection on you, if you live unapologetically with good intentions. Your goal is not to hurt them (it sounds like it isn’t working, anyway), but to heal YOU.

    Lastly, if you haven’t already, please find some sort of therapy to help you deal with the situation. Trauma can reach every square inch of your life before you realize what is happening. Support is out there that can help you better navigate this until the pain subsides (or lessens enough to carry on). Therapy gives you tools to thrive, to find a relationship in yourself that no other human can give (or take away) from you.

    The disclaimer of my post is this: I am not a licensed therapist or doctor; I am just sharing a singular personal experience in the hopes that it helps in some small way. Take care of yourself.