So I was diagnosed with ADHD in my late thirties and before that I was a mess, job to job etc. then got lucky and worked for a company that afforded me the chance to study for my dream job without work pressure.
I am now a software developer and although I went from being the smartest person in the groups I roamed to the dumbest person at work I still have half a foot in my old life of drugs and poor decisions (although the usage has dropped by 95% and I’ve got a good routine and go to bed early).
I feel like a pretentious dick when at a party and someone asks what I do for work, I kinda feel ashamed saying I’m a software developer. Like a fraud I guess.
How to stop this?
Fellow adult with ADHD here, welcome to the club! What you’re feeling is referred to as “imposter syndrome” and it’s one of the more pesky symptoms of our particular affliction.
Just knowing it’s a symptom of ADHD has been a huge help to me… When those thoughts creep in, I just remind myself how hard I’ve had to work to get here.
I know for a fact that I had to study for some of my licensing exams three or four times longer than some of my coworkers, for example. Those coworkers don’t know that, and I wouldn’t care if they did, but I know how hard I’ve had to work to get where I am and I’m proud of it.
I had heard of imposter syndrome before, but I wasn’t sure if this was it or not.
It’s good to be aware of I guess, and although my mind can be quite irrational with these kind of things I will try to keep it in mind.
Thanks.
Yeah, I was thinking “Hello, Imposter Syndrome” when reading your last paragraph. I deal with it a lot, even after 15 years in my area of expertise I still tend to downplay and undersell myself. Being aware and recognising it is a good step to dealing with it, I think.
The most fun part about imposter syndrome for me is that i even have it for ADHD. I was diagnosed at a young age, and then again - independently - as an adult. Still there are moments where i feel like i might not even have ADHD. I just have a collection of Symptoms that match the characteristics of ADHD but if i just wasn’t so lazy I would totally be able to do things like all the other “normal” people. Like multi hour study sessions and shit.
I have to constantly reaffirm myself that I might have to do things differently, and medication is something i can and should maybe use to help with getting my shit together and that’s okay, because I really do have ADHD and I’m not just pretending to have it because i’m lazy… I think …