Me - when I’m lonely.

  •  sascuach   ( @sascuach@lemmy.ml ) OP
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    2 years ago

    Unfortunately many women will not be physically affectionate with men because many men misread this sign

    I think it’s mostly due to societal expectation. Ex even me, for the most part, I have very little understanding of being close emotionally or physically with someone and not dating them. Like I can theorize about it, but it’s just theories in my head, since i have basically no real experience of this. Sounds like the life you’ve lived/other ppl in the same community would be an interesting work of fiction. Aliens in like avengers movies are pretty much just typical society copy and pasted by with a skin change.

    I would never be offended if someone came to me and said something along the lines of

    I dig it. But in my life, both men and women would be offended if i said this to them haha. But i’ll ponder on this for a while and see if i can come up with a modification i could use.

    Sharing thoughts about your feelings - the wants and needs, and the troubles you’re experiencing is generally speaking not a very cishetman thing to do and can help to show the vulnerability and desire to connect with another.

    It’s genuinely a risky approach to do this, bc it’s not uncommon to be called a pussy (or similar) for sharing the vulnerabilities. Last happened to me 2 weeks ago. Though it was a (likely) cishetWoman, but she seems pretty conservative, so got black swaned there. But yeah, if i can correctly read a person isn’t gonna be offended by ‘i can feel pain’, then it’s probably helpful.

    Also, you blog about this kind of thing anywhere? I wanna read more about the world you’ve live lol

    • Ex even me, for the most part, I have very little understanding of being close emotionally or physically with someone and not dating them.

      So this is important to recognize when it comes to internalizations - this is what society has been teaching you as a male, is normal. Women do not have this problem, because women are allowed to be physically close with other women. However, they will learn, quite quickly, that this makes them prey to sexual assault and unwanted sexual attention from men and will learn to avoid this behavior.

      But in my life, both men and women would be offended if i said this to them

      Some may, but many will not. I understand, however, that you may not be willing to test this given what you said next:

      It’s genuinely a risky approach to do this, bc it’s not uncommon to be called a pussy (or similar) for sharing the vulnerabilities.

      I find it sad you live in a society which treats you like this. As I mentioned earlier, seeking out explicitly queer spaces might help to avoid this kind of toxic behavior. Moving somewhere a bit less conservative might help as well. I understand that neither of these may be accessible to you and I’m sad that many people are stuck in positions like this and unable to healthily connect with others.

      Also, you blog about this kind of thing anywhere? I wanna read more about the world you’ve live lol

      I do not. I live in one of the gayest cities in the world (San Francisco), but this isn’t exactly new behavior for me either. I lived similarly even in much less gay cities. It’s really about who you seek out and surround yourself with.