I know you all who have been here longer than 3 days are probably sick of the whole “leaving reddit” post trend here, but I figured this would be a good thing to talk about because I didn’t really see it mentioned too much. A lot of people have spoken on here about poor moderation, the whole API debacle, a sort of downward cycle in terms of content quality etc. Plus, when I did bring these things up on my now-deleted reddit account, people mostly resorted to the whole “You hate capitalism yet you exist in it” argument. I also wrote a sort of summary for this in my application, so whoever read my application doesn’t really need to read this. I basically said the same shit just shorter.
But for me it was just because people got kinda mean? What I mean is that over the past 4 years (probably accentuated by the pandemic), it felt less and less like a place where you could just talk to somebody. With every post I made, it felt like I was in a competition not just in terms of karma but in terms of making something that pleased as many people as possible. Every title needed to be perfect for the grammar people, every fact needed to be perfect for the fact people, everything needed to be as apolitical as possible.
And even with all of these unwritten rules, I came to realize that there really are just two types of posts or comments on reddit. There’s jokes, and then there’s debates. Jokes ended up being a little more lenient in terms of unwritten rules so I think that’s why there’s so fucking many of them on reddit and it’s almost unavoidable to escape the pit of sarcasm in reddit comment sections. But with debates, it felt like with every comment I made, people came in expecting me to either agree with them or refute a point they made. And if I didn’t make “a point,” I wasn’t contributing. I couldn’t just go “Yeah I like Metal Gear Solid V, too,” I had to go “Yeah I like Metal Gear Solid V, too, and the guy you’re responding to is a fucking moron for not doing so,” or “No, you’re a dumbass, MGS4 is way better.” I remember one time I joined into a conversation and somebody actually replied bullying me for not “contributing” and for posting useless comments, as if I were somehow wasting their time by not trying to argue with them.
And what’s even worse is people just don’t seem to know how to be nice about it? Obviously with the internet, people are going to bully you at some point but on reddit it was just all. the. time. Every post I made, every comment I made there was somebody who didn’t like it and felt the need to tell me about it by insulting me or my family or my cat. Everyone was mean. It felt truly impossible to disagree with a person on reddit without insulting them, because that was the culture that was accepted there.
While I don’t use TikTok, I ended up stumbling upon this series of them by way of YouTube Shorts called “Average Redditor…” by The Slappable Jerk and I really think they perfectly encapsulate what it’s like to browse reddit, and I hate that it took me so long to realize that’s what my experience was like. I kept watching them and going “Nah, nobody’s like that,” but then the more I used reddit the more I realized “Yeah, it’s kind of everybody including myself.” As you can see in the video I linked, the guy is either joking or debating and he’s not nice about either one, and frankly that’s kind of how every single one of my reddit experiences has been so far. I can’t really remember the last time anybody has been nice to me on reddit. Maybe that’s my fault and my brain is suppressing me from realizing it, but I do think it’s a problem inherent in the system if I’m seeing other people doing it to each other also.
I got banned from reddit as a whole a week ago for reporting a guy for calling me a “spastic loser” after getting angry when another guy got angry for me not reading some deeper meanings in his 1 sentence post. I think that whole really weird run-on sentence should tell you all you need to know about my reddit experience these past few years. Funnily enough despite it breaking the subreddit’s rules against insults, it was “report abuse.”
I ended up hearing about Lemmy while browsing today and I deleted my account just now. I saw probably a couple dozen posts at most. It seems kinda slow here. But you know what I didn’t see at all? People fighting. Calling each other names. Insulting each other. I saw debates and arguments but I straight up didn’t see the same kind of debates and arguments that I saw on reddit. On Reddit I could probably go 3 or 4 posts without that happening, but even posts of 12 comments will always have rude jerks on them. Now I’m still new here, and I have heard that there are toxic and xenophobic instances of Lemmy that are on massive blocklists, but Beehaw so far has been nothing short of just plain joyful. It’s so wonderful to see people online just. talking. to each other. And while I see people swearing (I did it myself in this post), it really just haven’t seen it directed at other users on here. On reddit it seems like there’s such a big culture of if you’re gonna insult somebody you go for the deepest-cut insult possible. On here I just haven’t seen that.
TL;DR: People on reddit are mean. Beehaw (and some other instances of Lemmy I signed up for) are far from that.
/rant
Another “I know this isn’t the point of your post” comment, but that specific “Average Redditor” video rubbed me very much the wrong way.
I was partially raised by a physically and emotionally abusive grandmother, and that level of sarcasm the Redditor character shows is honestly far better than what that woman deserved. I hate how any backtalk to a grandparent is just framed as flagrant disrespect and ungratefulness, without any sort of contextualization. Calling Grandma a simple woman is fair play for Grandma calling you a worthless criminal waste of space, threatening you with knives, and breaking multiple kitchen utensils over your head at the age of six. Money can’t buy off past abuse, and lord knows my grandma tried that shit too once I was too old for her to physically abuse.
Sure, Redditors are mean, but that example is extremely mean to survivors of familial abuse as well. The YT comments are even more of a triggering hellscape, it’s sad because it’s turned me off of checking out the rest of the series, which by raw description I probably would’ve enjoyed.
On a more topical note, I’m grateful for the welcoming nature of this community, and I’m hoping that keeps going as it keeps growing.
Man, your comment almost made me cry at work. Thank you for sharing, I never realized the connection between toxic communities and verbal abuse. You’ve made me realize I’ve been letting my own bad history influence my perspective. I’ve been hard on myself for having the same feelings as Bermuda towards reddit. I couldn’t tell if the community really is as bitter and short fused as it felt, or if I was being too sensitive. I thought feeling bad about what strangers said on the internet was weak of me. I realize now I’m probably just being hard on myself. People can be major assholes, and it doesn’t make you weak to notice their bad behavior.
I honestly just picked whatever his newest video was. Didn’t realize it was mean to the abused. Sorry.
You’re fine, I don’t want to come off as if I think it’s your fault or anything. Hell, it’s not even the creator’s fault either, it’s a dynamic that’s common in media and real interpersonal relationships alike.
It’s just kind of amusing that it illustrates both the hurt people hurting people thing and how from the outside, it’s easy to write aggression off as unjustified entitlement when context is missing.