I’ve 🐝 bee-n fighting for two years now. I have this « job » that I’ve been stuck with forever now. My inability to enjoy the little things of life is just another indication of my dereliction: hating the bitter man I’m becoming, seeing myself in people I despise, being unable to think, speak, create.

There’s no future for me here. No way out from my work. No time to dedicate to what I love. I read the introduction of Camus’ « L’homme Révolté » about absurdism in other to be something else than a consuming shitty human, and I don’t agree with most of the moral dilemmas: killing yourself is not the same as killing another person. I’m making a choice for myself and maybe, one of the limits of this argument is that I’m imposing my absence on others…

But who might miss me? My family & friends? It’s true, there are the ones that made me stay this long, but nothing is changing, and I need to help myself.

ಥ_ಥ, maybe see you tomorrow ?

  •  reric88🧩   ( @reric88@beehaw.org ) English
    2•4 months ago

    I have been in the same boat. I have no friends, but a wife and kid. Life sucks a big one, especially work and the work-life balance, and finances, etc.

    The only thing that helps me is medicine. I’m on a cocktail of Dextroamphetamine for ADD, Lamotrigine for Bipolar Disorder, and Propranolol for anxiety. I’m still far from 100%, but I’m in the more positive side of the fence.

    Talking about problems can help a lot of people, and that’s great to have a therapist, but it doesn’t work for me. Talking about stuff doesn’t change my circumstances, neither does my mindset. Definitely discuss issues with a doctor and medicate. Nothing else has helped me deal with the shit in life.