Recently had a conversation with a good friend about dating, and it had me curious about how everyone on Beehaw approaches dating. Tell me a bit about how you date! Here’s a few prompts/thoughts I’m curious about:
- How long does it take for you to know if you’re attracted to someone (sexually, romantically, emotionally, shared interests, etc)?
- What do you like to do when you date and does it change depending on how many dates you’ve been on or how well you know the person?
- Once you start dating someone, how long does it take you to understand whether you want to date the person long term or whether it’s not going to work out?
- Do you only date people you meet in real life or do you use dating apps? How do you approach going from stranger to dating them?
- What’s most important in deciding whether you want to date someone? Do they need to have an interest in activities you enjoy, shared values, emotional intelligence, a certain kind of humor, or something else?
- Is there something you don’t understand about dating and want to share your frustration?
Attraction for me is more like waves. Like I meet someone new and there’s just tons of different waves between us and some resonate internally with me and build up an anticipation and excitement. Over time this fluctuates a lot and there are also plenty of times where I need distance. For those feelings to really settle I need a lot of evidence. I need to feel safe and seen and I need to see emotional effort, like say take me to some place that’s meaningful to them.
When it comes to dating, yes it changes a lot. Initially it’s just dinner but later I want to go on walks and visit nice places. Eventually I’d like to have a peek into their lives for example friends and family and their home, hobbies etc.
As long as there are no red flags and it keeps developing emotionally and anticipation keeps building I am always up for more dates.
I only meet and date afk. Something like tinder always has seemed like a joke to me and I don’t understand it. Ideally I see the person multiple times over several months with some flirting and then I know we can start dating. However if I meet someone at a random place and we spend some hours together it can go faster. Sometimes you just don’t have the luxury of time, and taking chances is a part of life.
That’s unique to every person. The person I’m dating right now impressed me when I met her because she was able to talk to everyone and really listen. And we had a great time dancing and talking and she seemed like someone with a lot of love in her heart. However if I’d have to pick a single trait it would be kindness and after that curiosity and playfulness.
It frustrates me when someone imposes expectations on the moment, rather than listening to their feelings.