Hey all.

I’ve been writing a novel recently - I’m only 2200 words in. It feels like so little and so much at the same time.

Until I graduated college, I loved writing. Reading, too. Then, it feels like my ADHD got much worse and I lost all the passion I had for both. I had about a year of really intense depression while trying to find my first job during COVID. I had basically written nothing for almost three years up until recently. I started, and did not finish, a short story, and am working now on this “novel”. The problem is that I love writing in the abstract, I love putting words together in interesting ways and telling a story. But I can’t stop looking at the word count and feeling hopeless. I can’t stop feeling like there’s no point to any of it because my writing is shit. I feel like all of my passion has just left and I don’t know how to get it back, but I desperately want it back.

This isn’t a question, really, despite the title. I guess I needed to vent and know if I’m not alone in having experienced this.

  •  kyria_nico   ( @kyria_nico@beehaw.org ) English
    5•1 year ago

    All a first draft has to do is exist! I’ve experienced this too and you just have to keep going. Honestly, just give yourself permission to be bad! You’re not alone in feeling this way. I used to be so paralyzed by this that I couldn’t even get any words down, so first off, you should congratulate yourself on that 2200 words because that is an accomplishment!

    If you imagine the well of your creativity like a dammed up stream, and you’re only just unblocking it, you’re going to have to let the debris and trash that built up flow through before you get to the clean water farther up the stream. Just keep the words going! If you hear that voice saying “this is shit” just ask back “yeah? And so what if it is?”

    Would you rather have a bad novel that you can edit and turn into something better, or a blank page and a heart full of regret? I don’t believe your writing is shit, for the record, but almost no one just produces a perfect novel with no need for edits or changes on their first go. Just keep at it. Passion is something you can cultivate, it’s not gone, you just have to create an environment where it’s allowed to flourish.

    •  Ashindoe   ( @TranceReduction@beehaw.org ) OPEnglish
      4•1 year ago

      Thank you for the advice! I think part of the problem is that I’ve never been able to just write. I always take a ton of time for each sentence. I know that’s something that I need to get over because it slows me down immensely.

      •  Zagaroth   ( @Zagaroth@beehaw.org ) English
        2•1 year ago

        Oh, ouch. yes. Write first, edit later.

        Following up on my much longer post, I use a combo of ProWritingAid (which works with Libre Office) and Grammarly (as a Chrome plugin) to double-check things, but I also ignore a lot of their suggestions. But at the very least, it means I do not have to worry about missing minor grammar issues and typos (those are the suggestions I accept).

        Dithering is the bane of writers. Though at least when I dither, I try and side-track to other places like here instead of staring at the page.