I’ve had a ‘passion’ for programming for all my life, but recently I’ve been getting into a very, very emotional state over stuff like tooling and small things like that. The smallest things make me go off these days, and I feel so tired after every discussion. Feeling like I am in the wrong or that I don’t know what I’m talking about. I wish I could just make it all go away or somehow be happy or succeed some day. I never will tho
Yeah I’m on the Aspergers side of things too (don’t think they even call it that anymore). It feels like stuff is really intense now and that’s normal, cause you’re 18. Your brain won’t be done growing for another 7 years and it’s still freaking out.
I’d highly recommend finding some meditation that works for you. That might be a traditional meditation or yoga. Or it might be archery, or motocross, or longboarding, or swimming, or pretty much anything that requires intense focus. It makes a big difference.
I thought I knew a lot at 18, and some of my code from back then was pretty clever. But at this point (35 now) I would be unhappy with every single line of it. There is a whole lot out there to learn and know. Hopefully you can find a way to look forward to it.
edit: Maybe give “Nerdy Shy and Socially Inappropriate” or “The Autistic Brain” books a read.