•  Elise   ( @xilliah@beehaw.org ) 
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    1322 days ago

    Amazing. Especially the social part. Like, I finally just get it and how I feel like I want to communicate just fits right in. With guys it just felt kind of stunted somehow and I could never live up to their social expectations.

    For example as kids the guys would ask me what football team I was for. Ajax, pvc or feijnoord (I am sure I have the spelling wrong). Well, I didn’t care, but I showed some interest. I remember seeing the logos and just thinking about their visual style, color combinations and so on. But they were all so pretty in their own right, so I couldn’t choose in the end because they were all pretty.

    It’s like trying to connect two cogwheels but they just don’t line up right.

    And as an adult this created so many issues. I absolutely adore going to the market and striking up conversations. Of course guys do that too, but somehow it just didn’t work? Like I don’t know, it was as if they felt I wanted something from them and they were confused. So I couldn’t really explore it, even though I knew it made me happy.

    And now it’s so simple. I’m constantly making good contacts, especially with women. And the connection with kids is off the charts and finally it’s just simple and straightforward.

    Like it was as if before I had to hold back all the time. It felt terrible.

    Now the long journey of detangling and unknotting my emotions starts. It’s causing me to dissociate and go numb, and it’s hard to focus on them with all the stress in my life.

      •  Elise   ( @xilliah@beehaw.org ) 
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        22 days ago

        That and also that quite frankly our society has serious issues with homophobia.

        So what IF a guy smiles at another guy and is just being friendly and wants to have a nice chat? Like it’s immediately seen as a sexual advance! Omg if you’d just punch the guy out of the blue he’d be less upset.

        Not to forget to mention that this sort of culture also gets in the way of men simply talking with women in a respectful manner, giving her a chance to safely get to know him, and as a result getting a more fulfilling love life 🤦🏻‍♀️

      •  Elise   ( @xilliah@beehaw.org ) 
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        20 days ago

        🤠 “Yah so I used to run iron mans and one time I punched someone while swimming. Omg at the finish line I totally had to keep going otherwise we’d definitely have gotten into a fight!”

        😐 “…”

        🤠 “I’m a survivor I once ate a duck because I was too proud to take the food from my friends”

        😐 “…”

        🤠 Stares at someone’s ass “Raaaawwrrrrrr”

        😐 “…”

        (disclaimer: based on reality but of course just extreme examples)