Initially, I was terrified of judgment. What would my friends think if I didn’t drink? What about a potential partner? Will they think I’m a loser? Wait. Stop. Nobody cares.
This is such a freeing reminder that whether or not you choose to drink, it literally does not matter. Sure, you might encounter 20 seconds of awkward dialogue with a new friend, a coworker, a potential partner, but ultimately, that’s it. Most well-meaning people stop caring very quickly. Which reminds me of one of my favorite facts: nobody is thinking about us as much as we think about ourselves. That’s a good thing.
Lesson 2: If it does matter, that’s not your problem.
If someone makes a fuss about your lack of alcohol consumption, that actually has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. I know that sounds like a boring modern platitude — “that’s a them problem” — but it’s true. That’s a them problem. I’ve had a date or two who’ve been offended, “slightly confused” as they said, that I agreed to go out on a drinks date when I don’t drink. But just because I don’t drink doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to my fair share of swanky hotel lobbies and fancy glassware! This leads me to my next lesson…
I feel those 2 lessons directly conflict with each other. :P
Some people definitely do care; this has been a pain point with my partner’s wine-obsessed Italian family for years. Points 2 and 3 are entirely correct, that it’s almost always about the drinker(s) feeling judged.
I feel those 2 lessons directly conflict with each other. :P
Some people definitely do care; this has been a pain point with my partner’s wine-obsessed Italian family for years. Points 2 and 3 are entirely correct, that it’s almost always about the drinker(s) feeling judged.