Fashion is something I’ve never been good with (now thanks to google I know what a french tuck is), but I’ve tried to get out of my comfort zone wearing more form fitting clothes. As for making compliments, I never really know what to say to sound genuine. I make an effort to use pronouns that match how I think an individual is presenting, and using they/them when I’m not sure, but I’m nervous about invading other’s space, or accidentally drawing too much attention. My daughters are getting old enough to want their nails painted, so maybe I can let them practice on me and just leave it on a finger or two when I’m out and about.
I’m working on having the courage to confront my family when they’re being bigots, but it’s much easier said than done obviously. As my daughters get older, I’ll have more courage to put my foot down, since I absolutely will not having my kids pick up my family’s judgemental ways.
I think everything you’re saying makes lots of sense. The only thing I want to add is that the discomfort and confusion you’re dealing with around this isn’t because of you. You live in an intolerant, homophobic society and you’re trying to figure out how to treat people well who are marginalized and excluded by that society.
It’s genuinely difficult, because you have to choose which social norms to ignore, which to try to change, and which to follow. Doing that with grace is very hard. And putting in effort is the single most important thing.
Child painted fingernails are the best. They tend to pick lots of colors!
The best way I’ve found to manage other people’s pronouns is to use my own.
“Hi! I’m tanglisha. My pronouns are she/her.”
Practice until it sounds natural. Include your pronouns everywhere that makes sense, I have them in my work email signature and zoom account. The other person will usually reciprocate if you’re in person, even if they’ve never introduced themself that way before. A bonus is that it normalizes this as a way to present oneself. We shouldn’t put all of the burden of managing pronouns on the minority who already have a hard time with them.
It’s true that this might draw some attention, but the worst I’ve ever gotten was someone asking me why I refer to my partner as “my partner” when he’s of opposite sex. YMMV based on where you are and the folks around you, I’m on the west coast but have coworkers all around the world.
Fashion is something I’ve never been good with (now thanks to google I know what a french tuck is), but I’ve tried to get out of my comfort zone wearing more form fitting clothes. As for making compliments, I never really know what to say to sound genuine. I make an effort to use pronouns that match how I think an individual is presenting, and using they/them when I’m not sure, but I’m nervous about invading other’s space, or accidentally drawing too much attention. My daughters are getting old enough to want their nails painted, so maybe I can let them practice on me and just leave it on a finger or two when I’m out and about. I’m working on having the courage to confront my family when they’re being bigots, but it’s much easier said than done obviously. As my daughters get older, I’ll have more courage to put my foot down, since I absolutely will not having my kids pick up my family’s judgemental ways.
I think everything you’re saying makes lots of sense. The only thing I want to add is that the discomfort and confusion you’re dealing with around this isn’t because of you. You live in an intolerant, homophobic society and you’re trying to figure out how to treat people well who are marginalized and excluded by that society.
It’s genuinely difficult, because you have to choose which social norms to ignore, which to try to change, and which to follow. Doing that with grace is very hard. And putting in effort is the single most important thing.
Child painted fingernails are the best. They tend to pick lots of colors!
The best way I’ve found to manage other people’s pronouns is to use my own.
“Hi! I’m tanglisha. My pronouns are she/her.”
Practice until it sounds natural. Include your pronouns everywhere that makes sense, I have them in my work email signature and zoom account. The other person will usually reciprocate if you’re in person, even if they’ve never introduced themself that way before. A bonus is that it normalizes this as a way to present oneself. We shouldn’t put all of the burden of managing pronouns on the minority who already have a hard time with them.
It’s true that this might draw some attention, but the worst I’ve ever gotten was someone asking me why I refer to my partner as “my partner” when he’s of opposite sex. YMMV based on where you are and the folks around you, I’m on the west coast but have coworkers all around the world.