Sometimes I want to go out, but I don’t want to have to interact with people, and feel bad for ignoring them. Often I can’t even bring myself to open my front door because there are always people doing stuff in my apartment’s parking lot. I never feel able to get to know my neighbors because most of the time they are gone in a few months. Only one person here now was living here when I moved in.

I’ve got pretty bad social anxiety, though it is a lot better than it used to be. If I go to any local park there are bound to be lots of people there. I love to do outdoorsy stuff but even then I find it hard to find a place where I can really be alone. The state parks always seem to be pretty packed and are an hour away, or two during rush hour.

I really want to find a place where I don’t feel like I could be being watched. I have what I feel like is kind of a dumb dream, to find some nook nestled between a bunch of buildings or whatever. A place that is vaugely hard to get into with some grass or something to sit down in and enjoy. Something that would be very unlikely for anyone else to find.

I did actually find a place like this once but eventually it became semi-regularly occupied by houseless people and filled with trash, broken glass, drug supplies…truthfully I’m afraid to go there. And ever since there was a large fire started there the landowner set up an alarm and cameras pointing into the area that only works some of the time. If it isn’t people I’m afraid to run into it is that the ear-piercing alarm may be fixed this time. I fear any private space I find will be like this. And I get it, people have to live somewhere…it makes me feel like I’m invading someone’s home though.

Maybe I need to find an apartment with fenced in little areas behind each unit. I have a friend with a patio setup like that and it is great.