Trigger warning: Abuse.

I grew up in households full of homophobia in a very conservative area. Homophobia was engrained in so much it’s hard to really put a finger on the first time I experienced it. It was also something I engaged in for a time before I accepted myself for who I am.

I’m not perfect, I was taught horrible things growing up. And I had to grow past them to even accept myself.

But one experience that sticks in my mind like a thorn is from my religious grandmother.

I was maybe 4 at the time.

My sister and my mom were painting their nails and I didn’t want to just sit and watch TV, I wanted to socialize with people.

So we painted each other’s nails and talked about random stuff.

That afternoon my siblings and I were dropped off at my grandparents house because mom had to go to work and dad was nowhere to be found.

We get there and my brother and I immediately go for the Legos.

My grandma saw my nails and stopped me.

“What is that?” Pointing at my nails.

“Mom and sis and I painted each other’s nails and talked about the birds.”

“Only girls and [F-slurs] paint their nails. Are you a girl or [F-slur]?”

“No I’m not a girl or [F-slur]”

“Then clean that off and don’t do it again.”

It was nail polish, and she didn’t have remover. She made me scrub my hands with a brush until they bled. Then said, “[F-slurs] don’t get to play with toys, they burn in hell.”

She then made me sit I the corner for the rest of the day watching my siblings play.

When grandpa got home he asked why I was sitting in the corner and grandma said it was because I was naughty and she didn’t want to repeat it it was so bad.

So they left me in the corner on that little chair.

So yeah, that’s the first one that sticks in my mind.

Honestly I could probably cite hundreds of examples of I really wanted too. Hell this isn’t even the worst one. But I won’t.

We can all build for a brighter more accepting future together.

And when you finally pass grandma, rest in piss.