Was just casually checking out some videos from this voice coach lady… when suddenly I find out she’s trans too! Kinda makes me feel inspired, with progress like that.
Was just casually checking out some videos from this voice coach lady… when suddenly I find out she’s trans too! Kinda makes me feel inspired, with progress like that.
I wasn’t meaning to challenge anyone, I simply wanted to put in my understanding of how things work and try and better understand the life of a trans person. So I’m sorry if it came across as that as it was very much not intended, but if it’s transphobic then prove it and ban me for it, because I am not transphobic of all things…
In addition I was looking to maybe be educated rather than yelled at by you. But I guess fuck me for trying to learn right?
I want to believe that you truly want to learn. I am writing this comment under the assumption you’d like to learn effectively and didn’t mean any harm with your initial comment(s)
If you’re entering into discussion on a topic you’d like to learn about, it may be more beneficial to you, and less negative for others, if you ask questions instead of posing statements.
The mod isn’t trying to tell you that you’re transphobic - they’re just trying to tell you/give you a nudge that the thing you said is a very, very common transphobic piece of rhetoric.
As for the stern response in general - life as a trans person (or any member of the LGBTQ+ community, for that matter) at the moment is fucking scary. Several countries that were making huge steps toward better rights and equality and healthcare, are regressing at astonishing rates, and its putting our lives in danger.
Rhetoric along the lines of the sentiment you expressed is part of the general arsenal of the people spearheading action against LGBTQ+ folks’ existences, and when we start seeing it entering our community/ies, it’s so important to stamp that shit out fast, for one because we want the communities to feel safe, so swift, stern action must be taken, but also because if its allowed to take root in any way, that poses genuine threat to people’s lives.
I hope you find this constructive and educational, and that it helps avoid future accidents 😊
They could have been a bit clearer and less hostile but I understand why, especially considering how common it otherwise is on the internet.
And so I can be educated, what was exactly wrong with what I said? I never denied that she was a woman in any way but I guess 6 words is probably way too few to get any of what I intended across in my initial comment. And thank you for taking me genuinely and being kind, it really means a lot to me right now.
I can’t remember precisely what your wording was, only the sentiment it expressed, and I believe that sentiment was along the lines of “she was born a man”.
The trans experience (in fact, the experience of gender for any human being) is varied, personal and unique to each person, and as such there is nobody on this earth who can say what gender she was when she was younger is her.
Doctors and other medical professionals could have taken a look at what sex characteristics she exhibited at birth, and decided that mostly fits into the bucket of “male”. For the majority of people gender and sex line up neatly, and as such the two are often conflated as being the same thing.
To assert that she was “born a man” you must make this incorrect assumption that gender and sex assignment are the same concepts - but this is false (and harmful to propagate)
She was assigned male at birth (presumably) and she may have experienced gender as a boy/man for quite some time growing up, or she may have always felt something wasn’t quite righ, or she might have had some completely unique experience of gender that I could never even dream up as an example for you. The only person who can say if she was born a man is her. Doctors can say if she was born with male sex characteristics.
I know I’m repeating myself somewhat, but I hope this helps.
Edit: I knew I’d forget something as well.
Even if your sentiment had been “she was born a male” (which, god, you’d have to know her quite privately to be able to know that!), its not a particularly useful thing to bring to the conversation, and allusions to trans folks expressed sex characteristics that may not align with the gender they identify with is generally a bit of a dick move. Like a more intense version of telling a cis woman they have a manly face, I guess. And, a more appropriate way of expressing it if it is relevant to the conversation, is simply, “assigned male at birth”.
It seems that’s part of where I got confused, I thought all of you were talking about sex assignment, rather than gender.
And thank you for explaining so throughly, I’ll use this knowledge going forward.
I’m glad I could help - thanks for being open to learning :)
Apologies I don’t always have a ton of time to explain to everyone exactly what they did wrong. In this case you entered a thread about minorities and made an assertion about their lives to challenge a narrative they presented. If you had educated yourself on this issue first, you would quickly find this is a narrative often imposed on transgender individuals, one which directly effects their lives and one in which the person being discriminated against is often having to explain to the majority why their assumption is incorrect and how they are being harmed by it. If you are not the person being effected by a system you need to educate yourself before engaging with someone who is effected by the system. If your goal is to come and gather info, you should be on your best behavior- this means thanking them for engaging with you, realizing you’re asking for their valuable time and energy and experience, asking questions in a very polite manner, and never attacking or making any assumptions about them.
With that being said, the general statement asserting someones sex or gender was an assumption about their life. You don’t know what their legal papers say or even what country they are from. You definitely do not know their genetic information and it seems like you’re not particularly knowledgeable about intersex individuals or the nuances of genetics and expression. If your intention was to reflect upon what society likely did to this person, the language needs to reflect that- for example you can state that they likely received a gender on their paperwork because a doctor decided it based primarily on the person’s external appearance at time of birth. That’s a very different statement from ‘they are genetically this gender/sex’.
You’re right, and it wasn’t what I intended even though that’s how it came across as. And you’re right that I am assuming things about their life, but given the information I or the rest of us have that’s kind of the only option available to a degree, and then learn from people commenting in reply to me when I attempt to start a discussion. Are assumptions not allowed at all here? If so that should be outlined in the rules clearer. And thank you for the thorough explanation,
It’s not explicitly not allowed but you’ll find it’s a lot easier to come off as nice if you don’t assume things.
If you’re looking to be educated, don’t make assertions about someone else’s life - instead, ask questions.
I will make sure to do that in the future then, my apoolgies again.
No worries! The fact that you’re willing to engage shows your good faith. I’m glad you’re around 💜