A few days ago I was one step closer to coming out but now I doubt its safe to come out. My parents just proved that they are extremely religious and would get pissy about how im bi ( actually omni but I use bi ) and how i despise the Catholic church.
The only thing stopping me from coming out is religion. Anyone in the same boat? What do i do?
I’m always tempted to say: Fuck them, it’s your life, not theirs. Come out. If they love you, they’ll accept you…
But… that’s a huge if to take into consideration. Any descent parent should love their child, but we’re in no shortages of awful stories. That’d be one hell of a way to find that out. Ignorance can be bliss and all that.
It comes down to this: Do you feel as if your parents love you? Care about you, who you are, what you do and what you want? Are they interested in you in general? If yes, then… would it make you feel better for them to know? If it’s again yes, well, try?
These are tough things to decide and it’s fully up to you. If they’re religious, they may react badly but come around soon after, as you’re their child. But that depends on how deep they are in their religion.
I’m trying to help because there is little engagement in this thread, but I’m always really uneasy about things like this. I don’t know anything about you. There are so many factors from the gender you were assigned at birth, to which country you live in, and assuming you’re American, which state, and so on.
I guess, one last question to ask is: How “pissy” would they get if they were to find out, you know? Are we talking big argument pissy? Or disowned pissy? Would they try conversion therapy? Also, if they’re really religious, take into account how their religious peers will react and how they could influence them.
There’s a lot of angles to this, and those are ultimately yours to figure out. Still though, I hope I didn’t scare you. I want you to be safe, first and foremost. I’m trying to help to the best of my ability, hopefully, that was worth something.
Take care of yourself. And, keep us posted!
🩷💜💙
Im pretty sure I care but my younger siblings get more attention. Coming out van help but I’m not sure. Either way the closet has been taking its toll on me. They are pretty deep in Catholic bs. To the point where I’m enrolled in religious shit and when I don’t go with my father to church they whine for hours. I live in Malta so conversion therapy is not a concern. As for pissy somewhere between big argument and disowned. But that’s mostly about religom.
So far I’ve been teaching my lil sis critical thinking and pushing back against Christian indoctrination. If they knew I’m agnostic (nearly an atheist) they would not take it well. I will keep this place posted. I just don’t want to flood the sub as its been kinda empty and in filling it with my problems basically.
Thank yoj
Yeah… ok. I see. :|
The way I see it, coming out is not a matter of if, but when. I used to think it was private, that I didn’t need to come out… but then one day I got into a huge public fight with my family about politics (my family has huge far right tendency and my father is basically a Nazi), it got messy, I was hurt and I came out here and there.
We’re not on good terms, my father and I. At all. But I’m adult, living far from them. I felt alone and it was painful, but at least I was out of his reach, he couldn’t influence or affect anything other than my feelings.
If that would’ve happened when I was a minor, still living with them? Who knows what kind of shit would’ve went down.
So based on what you’re telling me, I’d say that you have to be strong. It sounds like you’re the oldest? Protect your siblings, they may say and do dumb shit, but if you have their back, chances are, they’ll remember it.
For your coming out? I’d say: Keep it in. As long as you’re a minor and not independent from them.
One day you’ll come out to them. And that day, maybe they’ll tell you that you should’ve do it, that it would’ve been ok. If that happens, remember that it’s not your fault, don’t feel guilty about time wasted, it’s ultimately them who made you feel unsafe about coming out.
Protect your siblings. But don’t ever forget to care for yourself first. Don’t be selfish, but too much selflessness can be self-destructive. Find the right balance.
You don’t owe anyone anything, especially with who you are.
I’m just keeping my siblings safe and trying to counteract religion. They are my only bet on coming out eventually. Its not too late to teach them to not be bigots but idk how. They are 5 and 3 and im not sure how I can explain lgbt to a child. I actually care about my 2 siblings
Well, I don’t know about that. However, people will often go to children who got into school if they have a girlfriend or boyfriend. I always make it a point to ask “both” if someone asks it first.
Like, someone will go to my nephew and be like: You got a girlfriend? in a joking way. Which, you know, I’m not sure how I feel about asking this kind of questions but whatever. If I do ask that question, I’ll always ask it like: Do you have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend? making sure that my tone stays the same, to not indicate that there is a difference between the two, that both are equally valid.
Basically, I don’t explain it, I just make sure to make it sound normal. I don’t have to explain why it’s ok for a boy to like another boy, for example, nor do I say it is. I just talk as if it is normal, because it is.
Hopefully that’s helpful. :)
I’d do that but they go to an all girls school atm and nobody asks if my sis has a bf
Yeah, that might want to wait until they’re actually around puberty, a common thing is people getting understandably angry that 5 year olds are being asked about their nonexistent significant others. But the general idea about intervening to present more than one gender as a valid romantic interest is solid.
I honestly think searching the internet would be helpful here.
- how to explain lgbtq to children
I know a lot of us are on Lemmy to avoid Reddit, but their LGBTQ+ subreddits probably contain people in similar situations who got answers to their questions about how to survive an intolerant religious family and how to best approach this topic with young children. I’d say that browsing Reddit for this kind of thing really is not a big deal. Go browse Reddit for answers, I personally weigh people not being bigots over sticking to the Reddit protest. If this rankles, there’s also alternative front ends to Reddit that don’t give them traffic, so you can basically browse Reddit without breaking the protest, without giving Reddit anything. https://libreddit.projectsegfau.lt/r/LGBTQ/ https://libreddit.projectsegfau.lt/r/lgbt
Thank you. Although I’ll make a post here too. This place needs more activity
You mention that the closet has been taking a toll. You have to weigh that toll against the potential / likely consequences of coming out, both short term and long term.
Closet is probably safer tbh
Religion should not be a synonim of homophobia.
They are not extemely religious but homophobic. Sadly in modern times, with the doing of many high profile “religious” figures, this has overlapped.
I know people that were in the same as you… You may need to just ignore your parents here. Sometimes people do not want to understand. The other option is calmly discussing it with them.
I’m just sad because first of all in a minor so I can’t leave and second I thought they were actually supportive for a second.
I am from a very catholic family. Before I knew what or who I was, I had family members use religion as abuse to belittle and degrade me from the age of 6 onward. My home life was awful and extended family piled on to make sure I really had nothing left for myself to cling to. I was kept on a cycle of love bombing (with church approved rewards only) when the constant insistence on my selfishness and awfulness would periodically succeed in breaking me. It made life entirely unenjoyable by design. Yet the programming they instilled also came with heavy guilt designed to keep me trapped by “faith.”
I understand the fear of knowing you need to leave. The abuse ramped up every time I even remotely suggested I be able to live without the church. But my only regret is that I wish I had done it sooner. Religion doesn’t stop you from coming out. The toxicity that it bakes into the community and your family does. They make it very hard and painful to stand up for yourself and advocate for life to be the gift it is. As with many such things, the cruelty seems to be the point.
I’m sorry you had to deal with that. My situation isn’t that bad but it vna turn into that in worst case. That’s why I’m trying to steer my siblings away from religon just not sure how to do it