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It was a somewhat stressful week. Second busiest week of the year church-wise and I’m exhausted from that. Been trying to juggle a bunch of different stuff.
Had Easter dinner with my mom, grandparents, and one other person. Didn’t wanna be there because I was tired and hate having to sit still for so long. Got misgendered and dead named all the while which made me feel worse. For my grandparents I don’t bother because they’re very old and it’s hard to change at that age, but my mom knows better and I’ve told her so many times and she still does this shit. She’s also been saying weird TERFy shit lately. I hate getting misgendered, especially by someone who knows better. It hurts like hell. I put so much effort into passing and it’s like no matter how hard I try she won’t try. She always claims she’s a supportive parent and she’s done so much for me but the thing I need most from her right now she acts like she’s incapable of doing it. I hate how she acts like she’s some woke liberal ally around other liberals, and then comes home and won’t even acknowledge me as her son. She’s outed me to different people so many times that I can’t even keep count anymore.
But the weather’s been nice and I’ve been out taking lots of pictures of the flowers and scenery. My aunt’s paying me to take care of her dogs while she’s away, so once she comes back I’m gonna use the money to buy a bass guitar and start learning 👀
I picked up the bass guitar last year, this really helped me learn how to play: https://www.bassbuzz.com/
I’m sorry to hear about your mom, that is frustrating. I don’t know what your relationship is like with her, but it sounds like some basic boundary setting might be needed. She shouldn’t be outing you or misgendering you.
Thanks a bunch for that link. Looks like a good resource. I was having trouble finding some. I’m very excited to start!
Yeah, frustrating is a good way to describe it. She crosses boundaries that I set all the time. I love her, but it really hurts me. Luckily, I’m moving out in September so it won’t be as constant of a problem.
Yes! It’s a lot of fun to play. I think I learned about BassBuzz from searching for videos on youtube to help me learn. His videos were pretty decent, and there seemed to be community consensus that his course was useful and effective. I’m more than 3/4 of the way through the course now and in retrospect I’m extremely glad I tried it (I was quite averse to spending money on it, but when compared to paying for a tutor or lessons it seems like a rational choice). The course is basically just a series of videos. Each lesson has usually a video teaching a new song, then there are three practice sessions where you start off with a slow and easy tempo and gradually work up to full tempo. The lessons also incorporate music education but the bar is kept really low so that you could always move forward in the course without learning the music theory or how to read sheet music, etc.
I think a common experience with the course is that it is so well laid out that it can be deceptively easy, then it’s almost a surprise when you hit a song and it takes a lot more practice to be able to play at full tempo. I would just say don’t worry how long it takes, and to be easy on yourself. I have noticed that when practicing a difficult new song no matter how much I try I might not get it on that first day, but literally just sleeping the next morning I’m able to play the song. Sometimes it just takes a bit for the brain and muscle memory to sink in, so patience as well as diligence is importance. It’s also super rewarding when you are finally able to play that difficult song that took so much practice to learn. 😁
Bass aside, cheers on moving out - it can be risky to really press boundaries with parents while you still depend on them or live under their roof. Having independence is a good first step to repairing relationships. I wish you luck, but it sounds like you’re well on your way.
My week was emotional but good! I finally came out to my brother as trans. I was so scared for his reaction.
I prepared a letter, I read it out loud to him half crying and I noticed he had watery eyes too. When I finished reading he hugged me 🥰 and said he just want me to be happy and I felt soooo relieved. Afterwards I received a very thoughtful and supportive message from his gf, who I told him could tell too later. This helps me so much with accepting myself for who I am.
I also baked a cheese cake and some french pastries for an Easter brunch at my mom’s. The brunch was great!
That’s so sweet. I’m glad your coming out went well.
awww, that’s so heart-warming <3
Kaity had more surgery on her shoulder, but is out and about and recovering. That was probably the biggest issue of the week
I didn’t realize y’all were together. Hope she has a smooth recovery.
I went shopping with my mom, and someone asked “You ladies need help with anything?” 🥰️
Things like that keep happening to me recently which is really strange since I wasn’t doing anything at all to look feminine any of the times. Maybe everyone is suddenly telepathic
Gosh I’ve had way too much time to think this week, just turned myself in to an anxious mess. I don’t really have any friends and I desperately need to fix that but I don’t know how to start or even how to be a good friend after so much self-isolating. How do people do it?
I also need to start practising with makeup and skincare, even if its just simple things like eyeliner and moisturizers but I keep getting insecure and procrastinating! And I need to stop whining about my problems instead of doing something about it! 😂
Edit: Oh, and I just found out the service I use to get my HRT (GenderGP) removed the ability to contact them and “improved” their system with an £8/15min appointment booking, that’s so much better! /s
Maybe you could make a post asking for friends on here
Edit: stroke
I saw a video from F1nnster on that GenderGP situation last night, kinda fucked up
Yay, thank you to Emily for getting this automated
Hehe no worries
Best week ever, yet it was uneventful. I love myself 🥰
I finally ordered my estrogen implants! They should be coming in the mail in about a month and then my GP will put it in!
Congrats! Are these implants the “tic-tacs” that are injected through a large syringe into the butt / thigh area? I’ve considered this option because I’m so needle phobic (and right now I’m injecting every 4 days), but I’m worried about how you control the exact dose, and how frequently you have to essentially have a minor surgery, and how expensive it can be.
They are! We don’t really have injections down here in Australia, so doctors (the few who know trans healthcare) recommend implants for long term transition. Either way, the idea of a needle from the GP occasionally is far better than once every 4 days. My implant cost about AUD$150, plus maybe AUD$80 for the doctors appointment (both subsidized by the government though), and it should last about a year or two.
Oh nice, good to know. Being in the U.S. of course healthcare is … not as affordable. I think here the implants last 4 - 6 months (based on this transfem science article), and I know someone who has had pellets implanted who said she was instructed not to exercise for a week and sitting was painful, etc. If it were cheaper here and lasted for a year or two that might be more worthwhile to me.
I inject estradiol valerate currently, but I use small 27 gauge needles and inject subcutaneously (into fat) so it’s not as bad as it could be.
I have heard about testosterone pellets lasting about the same amount of time as well.
which amount of time, the 4-6 months, or the 1-2 years?
4-6 months
nice, thanks for clarifying!
Have you had estrogen implants before? If so, what was you experience with them?
I have read about testosterone implants as well, but I don’t hear much about them from other trans people. Might be something I’ll look into getting in the future because t gel is expensive and you can accidentally spread it to other people.
I haven’t, this’ll be my first. Since injections aren’t really available here, my doctor recommended an implant to reduce the cardiovascular risks associated with oral estradiol. I also like the idea of them because it kinda feels like my body is just naturally producing it.
I didn’t realize there are cardiovascular risks associated with oral estradiol. I take oral estradiol to not get the monthly. Guess I got a triple dose of cardiovascular risks with that, ADHD meds, and testosterone 😅
I agree with it feeling like your body is naturally producing it. It’s also a lot less everyday hassle. I hope that in a couple of years it’ll get cheaper and less painful.
My week has been oki :3
Wish had blockers tho :c
Btwx hate to be mean but the Trevor project helpline is kinda bad, tho its a good last resort
What do you recommend then? There needs to be some kinda crisis hotline
All the ones I know are local :c
Contacted them in 2023 to try help my ex. They refused to help because he lived in another country :c
No ideas tbh
That sucks. I’m sorry that happened to your friend.
Its fine, its been about 9 months, the details are getting hazy
Pretty fucking sure he died tho :c
:(
:c
I’m a few months into feminizing HRT, and while at the airport I was referred to as a lady by an elderly woman working at a pretzel shop. I’m in that awkward in-between state where I get gendered differently by different people.
Right now my biggest struggle is updating my mental habits (the way I think of myself and thus interact is still rooted in trying to pass as a man) and mustering the courage to practice and use my new voice in public.
I just hit 2 months for HRT and am already noticing I’m starting to hit that awkward stage. The voice challenge is huge. I can’t help but feel like I’m talking to my toddler when trying it out, lol.
Have to be conscious not to overly patronize strangers when they pick up their trash or are polite (Good job buddy! I’m so proud of you for cleaning up after yourself!)
Today my vocal coach is going to be teaching me how to add more breathy -ness to my voice after resonance so it doesn’t sound so nasally and pingy.
Hope you’re doing well Dandelion ❤️
I just hit my three month mark for HRT. We’re almost twins
Congrats friend! Have you noticed many changes yet? I don’t know much about tHRT because well, I already went through male puberty and it just wasn’t for me :P
But I’m interested to know what some of the first changes folk tend to notice on T :)
I’m on a low dose cuz I don’t want my voice to change too quickly and damage it, but the first thing I got in the first couple of weeks was significantly improved mood. I’m still way less depressed than I used to be even three months later and haven’t changed my lifestyle at all. Had ADHD medication issues which did impact it some. Got some belly hairs and my leg and arm hair are getting slightly thicker and darker. I have more acne than I used to. My face looks slightly more masculine. My voice has occasionally started to crack and feel different. I stink way more now and sweat mainly in my armpits. The main thing I want is body fat redistribution but that hasn’t come yet, unfortunately. Always have to wear shapewear so I don’t get debilitating dysphoria around the bottom half of my body. But hey, something’s better than nothing. I’m so thankful I finally get to be on T.
For me it’s hard because most contexts for practice are not with strangers, but with people who knew me before transitioning. Psychologically it’s much harder for me to use a “fake” voice with people who know it’s fake than to practice feminine speech patterns with strangers who might not know better where my “normal” masculine voice would threaten passing.
Unfortunately my speech therapist already says I’m doing a great job and wanted to reduce frequency of lessons, but I feel overwhelmed by this and like I’m entirely failing to modify my voice. The problem seems to be more psychological than technical. :-(
I hope your vocal lesson goes well - it can be a lot of fun to learn new techniques and experiment with them!
Oh I get that :/ I still can’t really practice in front of my wife which is definitely an issue I need to work on because I can’t just… Drop it on her ya know? She even told me she couldn’t handle that mentally, lol which I don’t blame her for.
It’s really hard practicing your voice in front of those that know you are intentionally trying to change it.
oof, it would be a punch in the gut for me if my spouse said they wouldn’t be able to handle practicing with them. It also makes me wonder what they are thinking about the long term, you know …
I’ve heard of someone whose spouse told them to only use one voice (the new voice) and not switch back and forth, but that seems almost equally problematic to me.
I’ve been looking for advice on how to overcome the mental struggles with practicing the voice, here are some things I found (mostly just laying them out for myself, but maybe sharing them here will be useful to someone):
- read books aloud while practicing your voice
- join an online community (like a trans voice discord) and practice there (Zheanna Erose from TransVoiceLessons would practice her voice while playing CS:GO)
- find an IRL trans group where you can practice your voice in a non-judgmental zone, or otherwise make friends with whom you can regularly practice
- when feeling insecure, motivate yourself by reflecting on the fact that sounding the wrong gender is the default, and it takes work to change that
- commit to practice the new voice full-time and always use it (this is obviously the hard part, and I might as well just be saying “just do it” at this point)
Oh no! Sorry, I didn’t word that well. I meant my wife doesn’t want me to just start using my new voice one day out of the blue without giving her some time to adjust.
She is very supportive but is also going to miss my voice as I work on it. So I need to gradually kind of work on it with her present that way she can be a part of the journey and get used to how my voice will change. Does that make more sense? O.o
That is a great list and I find it useful :) it does take a lot of work to get to a point where you’re happy with your voice but it’ll be worth it (I hope) 😅
oh, yeah - that makes more sense, and maybe that’s what I would have inferred if I weren’t so tired when I read your message, my bad 😄
That actually seems like a great situation because it promotes practicing with your spouse! Maybe they can give good feedback and being involved they can go through the adjustment with you.
These are such big changes, it’s a lot for anyone.
Another resource I have outside the stuff mentioned in the /r/transvoice subreddit is The Voice Book for Trans and Non-Binary People, though I haven’t finished reading it, so I’m not necessarily recommending as much as just mentioning it in case it helps you.
Thanks! I’ll definitely check it out :)