Tesla, a future case study for securities law classes across America, had to stop delivering Cybertrucks this past weekend. No, not because the hundred-thousand–dollar medium-duty pickup, which is only any of those things in the loosest interpretive sense, tends to brick when it gets rained on; nor because its stainless steel panels get all rusty and nasty-looking after weeks exposed to the rare, harsh condition of “being outside.” Perhaps you think it has something to do with the shorter-than-advertised driving range and longer-than-advertised charging time, but no: Rather, the cause of this snag is that the trucks struggle with the basics of stopping and going, by which I mean that the accelerator pedal cover slides off and gets stuck under a panel and locks the accelerator pressed down and keeps the Cybertruck stuck at maximum velocity.
Other Tesla models have had issues with speeding up and slowing down at the wrong times. The company was sued in 2017 by drivers whose cars drove themselves unexpectedly through garages and into walls; a German paper reported last year on over 2,400 complaints about sudden braking problems; and a safety researcher published a white paper showing how voltage spikes could lead Teslas to speed up without warning. You are supposed to like this because it means you are on the cutting edge, helping Elon Musk in his quest to save humanity.
Suckers who ordered Cybertrucks a few months or years ago and expected deliveries this weekend did not get their cars, nor a precise explanation for why they did not get their cars, but instead were simply told, “Hi, we have just been informed of an unexpected delay regarding the preparation of your vehicle. We need to cancel your delivery appointment for tomorrow and we will reach out again when we’re able to get you back on the schedule.” Maybe someone with a hot glue gun will get on this one.
I saw one in the wild the first time a couple weeks ago on an interstate. It looks so fucking dumb in person. The pictures don’t do it justice of how insanely stupid looking it is.
I finally saw one in person, and this is so true. It’s like a kindergartner was told to draw a picture of a truck and then made it in real life.
I compare to a kindergartner drawing a house and then said, fuck it, it’s a truck and put wheels on it.
Bypass the subscription wall: https://archive.is/XntJn
Thanks, site is cancer.
I saw one in person in Akron. The kids made fun of it.
Why would you pay that much money just to be made fun of. Owning a Tesla is bad enough, but a cybertruck is just begging for ridicule.
You don’t own a Tesla , you lease the software to keep it running.
I just really hope the 7,000lb steel truck doesn’t crush someone to death. What a fucking awful design.
Unless it’s their owner and then no one of value would be lost
Well, that’s the other thing. The Cybertruck has NO crumple zones, meaning in the event of a crash all of that energy is going into the passengers. I feel like at best you’d be lucky to get out with severe whiplash.
Still, I’m more concerned about someone being flattened or worse, used for nefarious purposes. If anyone regrettably remembers when some peaceful protestors disrupting freeway traffic had a giant truck driving through them (not the Semi in Minneapolis but the regular Large Truck owner driving through an abortion rally protest, hitting 2 people).
Dire straits money for nothing lookin ass car. Fuck that thing.
excellent headline is excellent and made me lol fr
The ghost of John Deloreon is laughing.
I love unbiased journalism! Lmao, I know it’s a blog / opinion piece but still, at least consider why people buy them. This just reads like a boo Elon circle jerk.
It is an opinion piece and I’m not gonna pretend it’s not heavily biased, but why shouldn’t it be? What are the reasons to own a Cybertruck when the whole intent of the product feels like a pro-Elon circlejerk?
I’m an average consumer and shall we say, an Elon-disdainer. I don’t like the man, though I have better things to do with my time than actively hate him. At first glance, it does not appear to even be a truck. It’s wild and awful looking, it doesn’t sell itself at all on the visuals alone so it had better have killer features. Which are … ?
Look, when you show up to my potluck with a literal crockpot full of shit, I don’t feel the need to entertain you. “Is that literal shit?” I ask. “It’s my grandmother’s recipe!” you reply. “Well that may be, but is it literal shit? In a crockpot? Cooking all day?” “You haven’t even tried it!”
I don’t know why I have to justify not eating shit. Coming up with reasons not to blindly consume transparently bad products was not a position I felt I’d ever need to reason myself out of.
EDIT: sorry if that came off sounding too critical of you, I don’t mean to attack you personally. But the shape of this discussion is a thorn in my side that sits at a particular junction between how we choose to see biases in media and modern consumerism and I think it warrants further investigation.
Elon seems like a douche. So I think we’re on the same page there. But if we’re calling the Cybertruck literal shit, then we’ve lost the meaning of the word. The product seems to have some crappy flaws. But it is a first gen of a radical new idea. I personally really like finally seeing some innovation when it comes to automotives. It feels like no one’s really tried to make a big change up in decades. Everything on the street is the same concept in 4 different shapes. Every now and then they add a no-brainer feature like Bluetooth and that’s it. The Cybertruck looks like a totally unique new electric pickup built with stainless steel, a 4-wheel steering system, and steel rolling bed cover. I don’t see a reason to buy it myself, but I get why someone would. And I’m really happy that someone is trying something new in a stagnant market.
If the product is shitty, then by all means call it out. But I think understanding why some people are excited for it is worthwhile. No one is asking you to eat this particular “shit soup.”
At first glance, it does not appear to even be a truck.
I think this is actually it’s biggest selling point. Over the last couple of decades, trucks have really all converged on the same styling. They all look tall, brawny, hyper-masculine. The cyber truck isn’t going to appeal to someone that wants an F150, but it will appeal to someone that wants some F150 functionality without all the truck bro image. I wouldn’t ever want one, but I get it.
Back in the day people just called that “making fun of” or “ridicule”. It’s not trying to be journalism, it’s trying to be flippant and chaudenfreudic.
It goes fast when you hit the faulty accelerator and the battery is full. And… Yea that’s about it.
“but the company, which is a stock racket that happens to sell cars, has operated at a level beyond rational analysis for years.” Actual laugh out loud at this statement!!
Tesla wasn’t always like this. Something changed. Somewhere a load-bearing corner was cut and it’s been shit ever since.