At what step do you struggle the most?
I have trouble wanting to invest all that energy to effectively reduce my own autonomy in the end.
this hits home.
My wife.
I currently hate my body and don’t feel comfortable dating until I like it again, as dating involves finding others who like your body (and other things about you, but still)
I’m sure there are people who would want to date me in my current body as well as my future (hopefully improved) body, but I just can’t summon any confidence while I feel like this.
Obviously there’s some mental health problems I need to work on too. I’m fortunate to have decent psychiatric care at this stage in my life and am slowly progressing in that area, and trying my damnedest to ramp up body improvement efforts.
I went to the gym today, at least. :)
Whether it’s January 2 or February 1.
ISO 8601 supremacy.
Best interpretation of the question.
We also just want to keep track of all these natural cycles that have no guarantee of having any reasonable ratio. Every calendar system except, like, Epoch is a little dumb because of that. It’s unavoidable.
I’m still figuring all this out but for me the biggest things were:
- Dating app stuff. What to put in your profile, what to talk about when you match with someone, how to convert a match into an actual date
- Confidence. After you hit 28 years old and still haven’t been on a single date it starts feeling more and more like there’s something wrong with you. I really had to work hard in therapy to kill that particular demon. The worst part is, you have to kill that demon or nothing will change. You can’t successfully find someone if you believe there is some legitimate problem with you that people won’t accept. And sometimes, there literally is something wrong with you that you need to correct.
- Socializing. I’m autistic so a lot of the general rules of conversation, particularly how to have the kind of conversation that makes the other person enjoy talking with you, was really hard for me. I’m still working on this one, but at least for the time being I’ve gotten over the hurdle of getting a steady girlfriend.
Myself, I’m my own cockblocker 😅
I’d say I have 3 problems:
- I have zero game, can’t read signals, don’t know how to appear interesting, all that stuff
- Despite being 32, I still don’t know what I want, my sexuality is very fluid, so one day I may be super attracted to a girl, and 3 days later I may not care enough to even text her
- I don’t put myself out enough, I don’t want to use dating apps but I also don’t want to visit places where I get in contact with a lot of people because I get anxious
My marriage. ^/s
Talking to people I don’t know and initiating conversations in general. If the other person doesn’t approach me first, I can’t do it myself. I’m not much into dating, but it’s really inconvenient for socializing in general.
I struggle most with meeting people, and then with talking to them, and then with continuing to talk with them.
It took me 5 minutes to send this
- Fizz ( @Fizz@lemmy.nz ) 7•2 months ago
Probably meeting people. I’m not a very outgoing person and when I do go out my hobbies tend to be 100% males. I also don’t use social media or dating apps. I have friends and relationships and I have no idea how I got them.
Its annoying because I feel like I have no agency I can’t just go meet people when I want to. I have to live my life and trust that I will eventually meet someone which has held true so far.
It’s a numbers game. Go to events where you are temporarily exposed to manageably sized batches of new people. One-time workshops and volunteering are great for this.
- Decades-long crippling social anxiety
- Money
Honestly, social media… Facebook is just absolutely full of bullshit meme’s for every type of occasion, and clicking on a single one sends people down that rabbithole. Eg… Say a person has a breakup with a person who exhibits some narcissistic traits and then relates to a meme about it and clicks on it (or pause too long), next minute the feed is full of gender hating memes, groups and pages to feed that part of the brain, and I think it is incredibly unhealthy. It just seemed a lot easier to meet people before heads were filled with social media influence
oh my god reddit was the worst with this. “Oh my god he had a beer after work? He’s an alcoholic, you can do so much better, DUMP HIM. RED FLAG GET OUT”
Poor, unemployed and depressed. Also because conservative society.
Predatory lesbian brainworms, I have forced myself to set the benchmark of “if someone repeatedly compliments your appearance they will probably be flattered even if they don’t reciprocate” and that has helped.
To all of the people whose reasons are something self-deprecating about their confidence/appearance/personality/etc:
I’ll go on a date with you, if you want! ☺