I got my hearing professionally checked today and all is normal. But I have difficulty hearing people I am dining with, talking in restaurants. Is it me, or is the music just too damn loud?!
It’s to encourage you to eat faster and leave, so your table is available for the next victim.
I have ADHD and I find I have lots of difficulties with auditory processing in high noise floor situations. Also got my hearing checked because I couldn’t understand people in loud spaces. Turns out ADHD brains just don’t handle processing all that noise well. If I understand it correctly it’s because we need to process everything at the same level instead of some things being easy to leave on autopilot. Might not be your case but it sounded familiar so, that’s my two bits.
Wow this sounds so familiar. I need to learn more. Any resources you could recommend?
https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/adhd/ This seems like a useful test to me for getting a better idea if you should talk to a psychiatrist or not. It’s ups and downs getting diagnosed, especially as an adult. I had one psychiatrist give me their full test and questionnaire and decided I was borderline but wouldn’t diagnose me or prescribe anything, (I was already on a med that helped but not any of the controlled ones) The next psychiatrist I went to a few years later didn’t even have me do the test, we had an in person appointment, (which I was late to) and after we’d talked for about 20 minutes I asked “so, when do we schedule the ADHD assessment?” He said “Oh, no, we don’t need to do one, you very clearly have ADHD.” XD Honestly though I learned more about it from the experiences of people on social media who had it than I ever learned from a doctor. I’d start with searching ADHD hashtags and see if you resonate with other people’s experiences.
Thank you.
I’m on the same camp as you and also undiagnosed. I’ve suspected some form of autism but didn’t think ADHD could be my thing
Hey there I replied to the person that replied to you but I think that comment may be of value to you. https://reddthat.com/comment/12415216
And FWIW, there is only one kind of autism. ;)
Thanks!
I hadn’t taken those tests before. The raads-r gave me 98 the first time and 105 the second. I found the questions even more infuriating than other tests as there is no frame of reference for most questions, or questions are too ambiguous. Results were the same though- “you sit on the threshold”.
The cat-q was interesting. I scored 115 which apparently would be pretty high for a neurotypical female. Not sure what to make of that.
So I’m not a doctor but as I understand it, CAT-Q effectively is a booster for the RAADS-R. A lot of the RAADS-R is either understanding or recognizing the symptoms of autism, but people who are high masking (aka “camouflaged”) have often learned to hide/not notice their autistic traits. Reminder of course, the “A” in CAT-Q means “autistic”.
That said, I think 100+ on RAADS-R before a fairly high CAT-Q is something worth considering alone.
I have a special interest in psychology and if this was something related to a mental health condition I would be the first to tell you that the best way to learn is peer-reviewed studies, published references like the DSM-5 (imperfect as it may be) and so on. However, autism is not a psychological issue, it’s a neurological difference. This means that the best way to learn is to talk to autistic people (which you currently are!) and see if the little things that make you/them “weird” resonate with each other. If you’re feeling more introverted than that, you could maybe find an autistic YouTuber that “clicks” with you and see how their experience compares to yours.
I’m currently on an autism diagnosis waiting list cuz there’s just not that many adult autism services in my area so maybe it might be that too ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
FWIW if you’re 18+ there is less reason to get formally diagnosed. University of Washington did a study some time ago which found self diagnosis is rarely wrong. Link to that PDF here: https://depts.washington.edu/uwautism/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Self-Diagnosed-Adult-Autism-Resources-handout-9-22-22.pdf
A good way to find out is a combination of a couple tests. The RAADS-R is the most accurate known autism test, is is over 80% accurate. Here is a free one that doesn’t require registration: https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/
And if you doubt you’re autistic in any way (guessing based on wanting to be diagnosed), the CAT-Q is a good test to identify camouflaged autistic traits that you’ve learned to hide. This one is also free from the same place: https://embrace-autism.com/cat-q/
Feel free to ask if you have questions. I’m late diagnosed myself (was over 30) and it’s a big world to navigate blindly!
Thanks!
So you’re basically saying we’re doing manual processing of the output stream instead of using pipewires inbuilt filters, like in the PulseAudio days?
I just don’t go to restaurants/bars with loud music anymore because of this. Buying beer and snacks somewhere else and sitting in public parks with my friends is better and much cheaper.
Same here, stimulant meds help a lot with it. I also have troubles understanding lyrics in songs. English isn’t my first language and I really thought that I just don’t understand this accents. Turns out that I can understand the lyrics way better when on meds, without it just sounds jibberisch - I can hear the syllables but they don’t make any sense.
That! My Boo has the hardest time figuring out if I’ve listened to a song or not because he tells me the name of the song and the artist and I go “I don’t fucking know dude”, so he tells me some of the lyrics, and I go ¯\(◉‿◉)/¯, so he plays me the song and within the first two notes I’m like “oh yeah I’ve heard this a billion times” 🤦♀️
Apparently, these restaurants want to make your dining experience unpleasant, so you won’t linger over your meal. The sooner you leave, the sooner they can replace you with another paying customer. You probably shouldn’t give these places your business.
exactly, hence why coffee shops in particular play the same three obnoxious Christmas songs on repeat during the season. They don’t want you to stay, they want you pay and leave.
I will say that this tactic is just forcing people to invest in better headphones, but I lament that we’re now in an auditory arms race for merely existing in a public space
“Simply . . . Having . . . a Wonderful Christmas Time!”
/sorry
At one restaurant this week a woman was playing and watching a video on her phone very loudly, oblivious to bothering everyone, and a foodworker came and asked her to turn it down. The woman replied, “You can here THAT?!” She turned it down and the foodworker went back to her station screaming orders are ready out to other customers. The video-watcher proceeded to walk around and stand near people’s tables to watch her video.
What is going on with this world?I think the world has become decidedly louder, and people having TV on in the background all day every day has desensitized them to the idea that sound travels further than they think. I genuinely believe her surprise that she could be heard.
Was that my mom?! She had all her volume for everything turned up to 11.
Tile or concrete floors, hard surface walls, glass windows all reflect sound. As people start talking, if they are drinking they get louder, so then each table is trying to talk over the tables around them. Without acoustic damping, it can get pretty loud.
That’s a big part of it, but some people are just loud and some restaurants just play their music way too loud all the time.
This is exactly why during my solo shift I turn off the music completely. I want silence. Beautiful, delicious silence.
Bless you my sweet baby child.
Hmm. Processing disorders are a thing.
Some restaurants do have damn loud music, though. Most don’t where I live but that’s probably regional.
Everyone keeps mentioning them, but no one links to the information: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auditory_processing_disorder
One of potential symptoms is indeed “Difficulty hearing in noisy environments”
I have a nice workaround: good earplugs. They lower the overall volume, and all of a sudden I can understand spoken words again. Too bad they actually increase for me the sound of my own chewing.
My work was evacuated once for a fire alarm (false) and we all kinda stood around waiting for the firemen to come and let us back in. While we waited we chatted. But I realised that I couldn’t understand what the people four feet away from me were saying. I could hear the noises coming from their mouths, but I couldn’t understand them. When the alarm was switched off, I could understand them.
Brain is weird.
Weird and impressive!
The article for this condition in German Wikipedia mentions that there’s a training which can help, but I have not looked into this yet
Thank you. I would have linked it if I realised.
Because you choose to keep going to restaurants where they play loud music. No idea why you’re doing that
Off topic, but related to unwanted noise. Why do white waitstaff/restaurants interupt you when you are talking to someone to ask you “How is everything? Everyone doing ok?”. removed look at the plate. I haven’t touched it since you gave it to me 30 seconds ago. Take a note from Asians. Silently fill the water, observe the vibe, and go if no one says anything. Or some Latino restaurants where they won’t do anything unless you explicitly call them over and ask. I’d take loud music you have to shout over if Cindi with a ‘i’ doesn’t interupt conversations.
That shit annoys me too. I was just at a restaurant today where the waitress would not only interrupt but then linger to babble on and on. Like bitch I’m on a date, fill my drink and fuck off.
I agree, asian places have the best service. Super respectful and I do appreciate that.
It’s to ensure your food is up to expectations. Mistakes happen, and a busy dining room dictates a server will help you when they can, not necessarily when you try to flag them down.
Definitely an american thing. I always find it annoying when I travel there. Also, bringing the bill with desert. Let me finish my meal first before giving me hints to get the fuck out
You’ll want to smash both your arms as loud as possible on the table while dominantly starting at them.
Works for me every time.
Yes they constantly interrupt. Definitely feels like you are there for them versus they are there for your service. Whole new subject.
Might be relevant, but I find that American restaurants are generally louder compared to European ones.
Side note: And why is ithe music always fucking neo-country? Sure, I’ve mostly been to Texas, but I have several albums in my CD collection as a testament to y’all making good music too.
It isn’t. My favorite restaurant–Kuma’s Korner, on Belmont in Chicago–is always playing metal.
Goddamn I miss that place… :(
My experience in American restaurants is that the music is usually whatever is currently popular, so there’s a lot of hip hop and pop songs about dancing and fucking.
The US and it’s people are often super loud. I say this as one who traveled and now lives in Japan. I didn’t notice right away and had to work hard to lower my normal volume
I personally avoid such places. There are many who make live music a selling point, which always plays super loud to the point where any chat can only happen by shouting into someone else’s ear. How people like this is beyond me
I once read that it’s an epigenetic thing and it can be found across the animal kingdom. Some animals are born more sensitive and others less and this is important for the species or social group as a whole. This actually happens on a neuron level.
The less sensitive kind needs to actively search out stimulation, whereas you can leave the more sensitive one alone with a flower and they’ll be a happy camper.
And there’s so much more to it, for example developmental. Have you ever noticed the difference in sound levels in people’s homes? In some places it’s just like a warzone. TV on max, dogs barking, kids screaming. Imagine growing up with that. Like a fish in water.
And then there’s all the processing disorders…
You can train yourself though if you value it. I enjoy encounters and it bothered me a lot, so I just kept going to busy cafés and bars until my brain finally got the memo. It keeps surprising me how my hearing has become like a sort of precision microphone.
In India, restaurants generally play smooth music at near audible levels.
They blast loud because if you start talking with your friends and eat slowly and spend a lot of time their eating little.
Most respectable places have music that is loud at the beginning of service when there are few diners, but then the music gets lower as time goes on and the place fills up.
…not that I reread this, I’m really not implying you dont go to reputable places…really
You guys don’t like the terrible cover band that comes and blasts their rockin tune?