The biggest, most monstrous dildo you can find.
He never uses it. Just befriends it and talks to it like in the original. Just leave the possibility hanging there.
For the entire duration, he can’t work out what it actually is because it’s such a weird shape and so ridiculously huge that it being a dildo never even crosses his mind
And instead of Wilson, it can be called Doc, or Dr Johnson. (Having a name like bad dragon seems a stretch, maybe baddra?)
A tennis ball.
An MRE. When supplies dwindle, our protagonist is faced with a tragic choice.
A coconut. Those who know, will know. Those who don’t, may their innocence last forever.
The severed head of a man named Wilson.
A bowling ball. Can change some of the script so he catches it before it rolls off the raft but he falls in the water with it. He’s too heavy and weak to make it back to the raft so he has to let go and watch it immediately sink or he’s taken under too (also a good reference how it’s hard to save someone from drowning when you’re near drowning yourself). Definitely thought of a dildo first till I saw everyone else put it up though.
A 1ft tungston cube
A walkie talkie that he can’t find any batteries for.
Oh look, a chainsaw. Now I just have to find gas…
A pot plant which he might try take care of for a while before realising it’s plastic, but has already grown attached to it.
A fleshlight.
A mannequin
After a month of deliberation, I have settled on a beanbag chair. Thanks for the suggestions everyone, they were quite inspiring.
How about a pet rock?
Some piece of very modern technology that floats. I think Wilson in the movie represents Hank’s character’s last grasp at a shred of civilization, so he holds onto it as hard as he can. My first idea was an e-ink tablet with an author’s face on it, but that’s a little too on the nose. Maybe it should be something that reflects how much more reliant we are on our modern conveniences than we were during the original.
Edit: Raycon earbuds. He calls them Ray and if you’re lucky that might also bring in some sponsorship money
A big rock that has the vague shape of a human face.
I know someone who had such a rock in their house. They kept a cigarette in its “mouth.”