I recently heard a man say, you should not focus on things that make you sad. There are certain things in life that are always gonna suck, there will always be certain things which you can’t change, there is no use worrying about them or hating them.
Unfortunately, I am in a system that handicaps human growth, you don’t/can’t grow up to your full potential when you live in systems like these. I can’t leave anytime soon, and the hyper-realization that had I been in a better system that fosters growth, I won’t be as miserable (emphasis on the as here) as I am here. I am hyperaware of certain things. Small things, they steal my mental peace, it can be someone honking incessantly on the streets or anything loud or unnecessary at any time of the day. Reddit shows me some weird stuff when I enter it and that distrubs my peace of mind! I have become very sensitive to these things.
I am sorrounded by all things negative in life, I have all the reason in the world to br resentful and ill-tempered, but resentment is a very dangerous thing, I don’t want to be resentful. If I can’t he happy here, I just want to be in peace! How can I do this? Venting about my situation helps but it’s temporary and it seems to be doing more damage than good.
P.S.: Please don’t start with how the American system is bad, it probably is, but there are worse things. I will literally be willing to lose a leg to get there. Also, might take sometime to reply, but I deeply appreciate your responses.
If you’re on social media, leave it. It’s a drain on your mental wellness.
I guess you are right. It would help.
Also need to block certain the open page and other news on reddit (I need it for other things)
Leave Reddit as well. I moved to Lemmy to free myself from the negativity. Lemmy may not have the same user base size but that tends to keep the crazies out.
My 2cents also open another account in Beehaw… I also have a lemmy.ml account since I moved here, thats what I started with, but I see the same rage bait there as reddit… beehaw is a bit more pleasant.
It might sound stupid, but sometimes (at least for me) I find joy in bringing others joy. I do my best to compliment strangers around me when I notice that they’ve done something special to make themselves look nice or if I really like a piece of clothing. I go out of my way to bring/send treats to my coworkers or friends when they have a special day coming up. It’s a reminder to them (and to myself) that the world is what we make of it, so why not do what we can to make it better? Joy is not a zero-sum game - something that takes me an iota of effort to do can bring huge returns in happiness of others.
might sound stupid, but sometimes (at least for me) I find joy in bringing others joy.
It doesn’t trust me, but my realizations about the system I am living in, isn’t helping. When I see a kid, I just become sad, they have no idea what’s gonna hite them!
Haha… you sound like an amazing guy to be with, good for you! I will try to bring joy to those around me who deserve it :)
First, comparing yourself to others is a recipe for unhappiness. I guarantee unhappiness and ennui is part of every day American life as well. I’m living it. I don’t know why I get out of bed each day other than to provide for my family, and I’ve been out of work for 5 months. Feels like waiting around to die, honestly. Maybe you think being in America would solve your problems, but it just presents a different set.
Second, accept the things you can’t change. If you can’t fix something, let go of worrying about it. Easier said than done and beware of telling yourself you can’t change something when you can, but if there is something you can’t fix, let it be. I know you said you’ve gotten that advice already. It’s easy to hear but hard to accept.
Third, set yourself some achievable goals. If it’s exercise or reading a book or painting a picture. Especially if it’s a step toward fixing one of those things that’s big, but not impossible to change. I’ve seen people build houses with their own hands over several years - one piece at a time. I have a friend who is mid-40’s and getting her 4-year degree. One class per semester. She’s on class three now. Eventually she will get there. I’ve set some goals to improve my physical health. It’s a long fucking road. I lost 60 lbs. about 8 years ago. Gained it all back. Now it’s time to tackle it again.
Fourth, make yourself look for good things. It’s a beautiful sunny evening here after days of rain. I didn’t achieve much today, but I can appreciate the warmth on my skin and the blue and white sky. My wife is out of the house taking a crafting class with a friend and I’m happy for her because that doesn’t happen often. I have some interviews this week and maybe one will be the right fit. Whatever the good things are in your life, find them and spend a little time just appreciating them.
Good luck, my friend.
Maybe you think being in America would solve your problems, but it just presents a different set.
It would solve my problems, and yes, it would give me a different better set of problems. America is nowhere at the buttom when it comes to human development.
I know you said you’ve gotten that advice already. It’s easy to hear but hard to accept.
Yes! So much easier to hear!
I’ve set some goals to improve my physical health
Ohh yes, I need to do that to some extent too.
Thank you for your advice :)
Start with the little things you can change. Environmental noise, can you get headphones or earplugs? Social media making you feel down, curate your feed, change sites, or even take a breather. Change up a routine, try a different food, or a hobby. Whatever is in your power, a novel experience might be an idea. Decorate/personalize your space. Add some lights, tapestries, whatever you like. These are some ideas I’ve tried personally and enjoyed a few of.
Wow, one of the most helpful and actionable comments and there’s no upvotes on it, weird! Thank you!!! and you are right!
I also have every reason to be unhappy and resentful. My life hack is to be ANGRY. I am determined to piss off all those who have wronged me by succeeding in life despite them. I went from homeless to 6 figures on pure spite and refuse to help anyone who fucked me over.
“Outlive your enemies, be happy and successful in spite of them, and listen to the laments of their women”.
-Conan O’Barbarian
I recommend talk therapy. I think a majority of people could benefit from it, though a smaller ratio of people genuinely need it. I need it. It helps me maintain a sense of balance. I slowly unravel without it. Sounds like it might be helpful for you.
A word of advice in this area: you might need to meet with multiple people before you find the right fit. If it feels off with a person, don’t be afraid to shop around to find someone with whom you feel more comfortable. I’ve had a roughly 50% success rate finding the right fit in decades of therapy. One change was when I moved, one was when a therapist retired. I’ve had three that were right so far. And I’ve had three that were clearly not the right fit. Good luck!
There’s a lot of good advice here, but do you have the means to access therapy? It is invaluable to have an ongoing relationship with a professional who can listen, understand, and help you find your way through the problems that make you feel this way.
Focusing on things that makes me sad actually helps me. Before I go to sleep I usually have a meditative dialogue with myself about the things that made me upset during the day, and try to deconstruct the feelings surrounding the “object” of my pain. Sometimes I also just vent to myself, and tell myself that it will be alright.