Develop into your own beautiful human, first. A lot of dudes are mid at best; myself included

  •  Vilian   ( @Vilian@lemmy.ca ) English
    36•15 hours ago

    that advice is completely valid for men too, hell, the amount of male friends that i have that are felling alone and think that getting a girlfriend gonna fix that, fuck that, and they fuck woman friendship because they “fall in love” with any woman that give them attention, and they still refuse to listen to me when i say to them to improve themselves that love gonna come naturally, it’s tiring, and i say that as a man who also sometimes feel alone and also mistaken attention with love, i just learned from advice that i read and i’m feeling a lot better, why, why they are such morons

    •  Track_Shovel   ( @Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net ) OPEnglish
      17•14 hours ago

      It’s because societal norms don’t teach boys and men the proper way to deal with emotions. It’s more implied we will be fine or know how to deal with them, and generally not a lot of room for guys to explore them.

      There’s also a push for guys to be competitive, achieve, etc. which conditions us to seek more of the positive emotions that come with ‘victory’. That thinking quickly can become an echo chamber inside your head, with all kinds of negative things associated with it; the least of which is ‘I am worthless unless I achieve’.

      The world would be a much better place if guys were in tune with their inner feelings, knew how to deal with them, and weren’t terrified of being vulnerable around others. This also applies to women, but from my vantage point, to a lesser degree

    •  Ragnarok314159   ( @Ragnarok314159@sopuli.xyz ) English
      34•18 hours ago

      Could really just remove the genders from what this person said and make it applicable to everyone. Young men should be doing the same thing.

      Toxic femininity and masculinity both push the narrative of how young men need to constantly pursue women, and everything they do should be in pursuit of chasing pussy. How men should always be available to women when the time comes.

      Grow for yourself.

    •  Track_Shovel   ( @Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net ) OPEnglish
      8•17 hours ago

      Yes.

      Men are miles behind on the self development front in a lot of cases though. Generational suppression of feelings and an inability to cope with them correctly has done us a massive disservice. Like a deer with chronic wasting disease, we stagger on, continuing to do the same thing, despite how tragically fucked up we are.

  •  MentalEdge   ( @MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz ) English
    12•17 hours ago

    Also a guy, and I think that’s generally good advice. Especially “do not put substantial effort into pleasing men”. Amen.

    But I’d make it even more general: don’t waste time on people who make you fight to prove yourself worthy of basic respect and recognition. Not when young. Not when you’re “older and ready”. Bullshit is always bullshit.

    And on the flipside, if you somehow luck out and run into one of those gems who don’t make you fight for their acceptance, who just welcome you into their life as you are, build you up and are there for you, make every reasonable effort to keep them around, no matter their gender. Whether it’s platonic, romantic and/or sexual, relationships with good people should be grabbed onto, and maintained with as much effort as you can afford.