Definitely seek professional support for your own feelings.

In the meantime however, are you doing what you can to support her through this? She’s, understandably, totally at capacity right now just trying to survive her own shit. Its possible that if you’re able to ease her burden, she might have enough mental capacity to recognise you and spend some of her mental energy on you. Or, worst case, she just suffers less.

See a therapist. It’s great you feel comfortable reaching out to the community, but our time is fleeting and memories short. Going to speak to someone who is professionally trained to help people in these kinds of circumstances on a regular basis helps a lot.

You are allowed to have feelings, you are allowed to demand to be treated well, you are allowed to uphold your boundaries when you arent.

It’s up to you if you want to try to work on things with them.

I wish there was an easy solution.

Regardless of what sex someone is, or menopause, or not, in crises, most people lash out at those closest to them.
Ask her what she wants and if she wants to work it out somehow. Seek professional guidance.

There are already alot of good comments so I will emphasize on something that hasn’t been already said.

Nature is full of wonders, It won’t be a one time miracle help, however you can always use some complementary assistance from a GOOD herbalist which will advise you specific herbs in a variety of forms (tea, essential oils, infusion…) to relax and maybe reduce some symptoms over time?

I heard sage tea is very feminine and good for everything related to menopause. I’m no expert so don’t take it for granted.

While it won’t solve or heal your partner’s health directly, it could be a good complementary to any help session. Nice and warm infusion, bath with scented EO, massage with a room filled with EO diffusion… There’s a lot you can do with natures help :)

Seek professional help. Have her find a good OBGYN and go over what’s going on with her body. Could be hormone imbalances or her mental state is affected from everything she’s been going through. Don’t take advice from random strangers here.

I’m a woman in her forties and maybe my perspective helps. What I’ve noticed about myself as I am approaching menopause is this: I won’t tolerate stuff that I don’t want. No compromise anymore. My body just won’t allow that I be in a place I don’t want to be in, with people I don’t want to be with, in conditions I don’t control … so I’m probably not a very nice person anymore in the way I used to be - but at same time feeling powerfully aligned with what I really want for myself, and walking out of situations that don’t serve me.

As women are still raised to please and support others many of us tend to wear ourselves out in caring for other people and their opinion, and when that falls away with menopause the results can be very painful for the person themselves and their families. This change in me killed my relationship, and I do feel very sorry how it all went down, but I was literally physically unable to stay and remain in this ‘wife’ situation that I tend to almost automatically create for myself when with a partner.

And for your situation as a partner: No, you never have to put up with your partner criticizing you all day and dumping their rotten mood onto you. That’s not acceptable for any reason.

My wife is almost on the other side and yeah, it’s shit. But we’re both stubborn & last year she started to recognize all the shit slung my way -and you hit the nail on the head: it’s not an apology that’s needed, it’s the recognition.

We’ve been together 26years now and I can’t imagine going through this at you stage of life. Good luck.

As someone a little older and without a wife going through menopause yet, FUCK NO you are not wrong for feeling that.

She is going through the brunt and you seem to understand that from this post. That doesn’t mean you aren’t going through it too. Just like couples going through pregnancy, deaths, or other life events. It normally effects one more than the other, but it doesn’t mean the other partner isn’t going through issues. You are married. That means BOTH of you go through things together.

She is very much entitled to her selfishness for this period of time. I don’t have tips or tricks, but I will say avoid fights. Even if you both sometimes understand it’s just venting and neither of you mean what you say.

Try to pick up an unrelated hobby. Start taking walks. Public libraries have apps that let you checkout books, if you have a reading list. There might be a support group for men going through this. If there isn’t could you start one, because I have a feeling I will need it in a few years.

She needs support more than anything. That means not telling her some rando on the Internet agreed with you. Her body is crazy. My wife told me stories of other ladies going through it at her work. She asked questions and is not happy about what is on the horizon.If she doesn’t want you support though then focus on you. Draw a doodle.

I am a trans woman so I understand how it feels to not have the hormones you want in your body. It’s literal hell. You are allowed to have your own feelings, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Your wife’s mental state is just in the gutter right now and that’s why she’s lashing out at you.

I’d recommend seeing a professional so she can get prescribed estradiol. That’s really the only thing that’s going to fix it.