The thing that comes only with age is: to not give a fuck.
When we learn that it doesn’t matter we can all be little old people who are purple mohawk headed, wearing clashing neon adidas jumpsuit with zebra primted boas.
There’s always someone who will look at your life telling you you’re doing everything wrong. And you know what? That’s fine. It really doesn’t matter.
The sunk cost fallacy is a very easy way to get stuck being miserable.
Sometimes a drastic change might be painful at the time but will be much better for you overall.
Definitely agree with this one
I’m a perfectionist and I realized I’ve been making life too hard for myself. Choosing a low bar for success but keeping the ceiling high has felt like a much healthier approach.
The consultant’s proverb: done is better than perfect
Between a pragmatist and a perfectionist, one of them sleeps soundly and knows what he’s doing tomorrow.
“Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly” I try to remind myself, with a history of postponing things, and not wanting to imperfectly do things. Rarely I’ve regretted doing to my current ability, but countless times leaving things undone.
Yeah. I have several quotes on my desktop which I’ve written to try to counteract my perfectionism, and one of them is
- Live tomorrow’s plan, today.
And another one is
- Sign up now, cancel later.
People just don’t care about you that much, if you go into the street wearing nail polish as a a male presenting person no one will care if you don’t act weird about it. Same thing for shaving your legs.
Family might care though, what helped me was understanding that I spend a few days per year with my family maximum, but I spend that whole time with myself. So who cares what they think be yourself.
This helped me start transitioning at 19
I don’t want to transition. I am 100% male and this will not change, but I still wanna dress sometimes like a gothic queen. Will happen for Halloween.
But I still feel like people care. Even small changes on me get attention. I guess it depends if you learned lots of peoplr and friends in University or not.
I think when Learning new people, it might have an influence. But idk. I never tried it because I am afraid.
“Fake it till you make it” doesn’t mean pretend to be happy until you are happy. I committed to a relationship I wasn’t happy in, a career I wasn’t happy in, and hobbies I wasn’t happy doing, all because I wanted the approval of others. A divorce, career change, and hobby swap made me much happier.
Yeah, it’s about projecting confidence when you want something and you’re intimidated by it.
I was never going to “find myself” and so I should have just gone to college with my friends for computer science and made the good money when jobs were easier to get even though I had no interest at all in it. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that jazz. Now I’m a worthless schmuck in a factory living in someone’s garage paying their mortgage in rent prices.
All my interests are hobbies, some of them even too expensive for me to do lol they’re nothing you can monetize.
All my interests are hobbies, some of them even too expensive for me to do lol they’re nothing you can monetize.
Work is for making money, hobbies are for spending money. I think a lot of people mix that up and lose their enjoyment; money changes your perspective on why you’re doing something.
Take heart: had you done comp sci just for the money, you’d be where you are now. Comp sci isn’t for people in for the money but for people who find it exciting and have no idea their career is timesheets. :-p
No, really: I saw a LOT of people flame out of the programme, and most of them admitted they were in it for the payday.
That it doesn’t matter what other people think of me as long as I’m happy.
It doesn’t matter what other people think, full stop. The world is full of people who think they know better. ignore them.
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Any work or study done during an all-nighter is a waste.
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If you meet someone and all they do is talk about themselves, they won’t be a good friend.
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Nobody really cares how you look or what you wear. And anyone who does has bigger issues they would rather not deal with.
Any work or study done during an all-nighter is a waste.
Depends. I did some of my best work at this time (private project. not for my actual workplace).
Same. That’s when everyone else goes to sleep and actually leaves you time to focus on your work.
Depends. When I was in art school, I regularly worked for 36 hours straight, and at least once for 72 hours straight. But it’s studio work, where you’re actually making a <>; it never would have worked to have been trying to read Marx/Engels or Hegel and expect to have any kind of comprehension.
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Your own happiness is more important that somebody else’s happiness.
Not to say you shouldn’t be nice or help people, or invest in other people’s growth.
But don’t do it to the detriment of your own.
You can just ask people out. You can just ask to kiss someone. I was in my mid 20s when someone told me the first one, and late 20s when someone told me the second one. Dating got a lot easier after each revelation.
You can just ask people out.
I know I can, but you think I dare do that?
You do it like this: Hey wanna go for a Japan trip with me?
No
To be fair, they didn’t say they would respond with a yes…
My family is never going to return the favor. Should’ve gone to school instead of taking care of them.
“Family first” is such a contemptible load of crap. Primarily this idea only seems to be brought out by the same exact people that then abuse the notion.
“Family first” is unidirectional. Parents put their kids first. That’s the job. I signed up for it, and I’m going to prioritize then as much as I can.
That’s a bit different, and as it should be, but then it’s likely clearer to just directly state the intent to protect the future generation.
“Family first” in my experience has always referred to the lateral or upstream bloodline. Deadbeat parents or lazy piece of crap siblings trying to justify grift or outright abuse.
I’m an ideal world, the phrase wouldn’t exist and people would just be decent; parents would prioritize their children and siblings etc would just help each other. I wish this were the case, but as with many others I’ve instead come to trust and rely on found family instead of bloodline.
And I’m forever in debt to my daughter. I will never expect her to put my life or needs before hers. My disgust at my own parents’ egotistical failings only magnified after personally experiencing becoming a parent.
Family is a sorting category word though, so while there’s truth to kids first, the phrase regarding family first is very very often abused to try forcing the hand of broken ties between the aging parent wanting the child to instead provide regardless of whether it’s deserved or not. It’s frequently an excuse for abusive siblings who’ve continually taken advantage of their kin.
Bluntly, relation is pure chance and does not immediately imply a debt with exception from “parents must care for their child” by social and biological need. I don’t owe my physically and mentally abusive parents or brother a damned thing except my disgust.
People in general, not just kin, need to earn respect and community with each other. The bond of parent caring for child doesn’t immediately imply the child owes the parent for “bringing them into this world”, and instead implies a larger scope debt toward that child then being indebted to any children they subsequently bring into this life.
Thanks for sharing your story and view. On a side note, your language is superb. Do you write as career / hobby?
Heh, thanks! No but my girlfriend hates that I don’t. I grew up reading books that my other (not crappy) older brother did and his influence greatly impacted my interest in science and language.
One brother is a psychopath, the other is literally the type of scientist that is changing the world. I’ve considered trying at writing some once I finish cleaning up my life from the people I’ve had to excise.
For what it’s worth, I just have spent my life having to constantly revise how I communicate and sometimes it helps. Usually it just annoys people if they aren’t really interested.
It is a joy to accurately communicate with people who care you. It is also a joy to annoy others who don’t.
Please write. Please write.
Being a good person is a weakness in capitalist civilizations.
I know plenty of assholes who aren’t rich, so I don’t think there’s any correlation.
@bstix You don’t have to be rich to be an asshole, but you almost certainly have to be an asshole to get rich.
@UltraGiGaGigantic It’s the only way to fight, though.
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Empathy, Hurt people hurt people.
That it’s never too late!
