I kimd of am, why are so many relationships in media strsight? We need more lgbt representation
This is dumb and I’m probably getting offended for no reason but here’s a small experience I dealt with recently
So like 30 minutes ago my grandmother wanted me to smile so she told me to think of a pretty girl and while I didn’t react at all my first thought was literally “why not pretty boys” Its silly I know.
I’m not out but I literally couldn’t be leaving anymore hints that I’m bi. Its funny how nobody noticed yet
Is there a reason why you’re not out? Being upset or offended over comments made from those without knowledge of your personal feelings is misplaced. Leaving hints is not actual communication. If you want others to respect your feelings then you have to actually share those feelings. I wish you the best.
I’m not sure if they are accepting or not. There are very mixed signals
i’m sure it can be nerve-wracking, i can sympathise with that. i can see why you’d be nervous.
to any lurkers, this is just another component of why representation is so important-- it signals that it is okay, normal and in no way conditional to our love. if we simply operated from a default perspective that is not heteronormative, then we tacitly tell others that we, individually, have moved on from the era of anti-queer hatred.
i’m not queer so i don’t want to impose any uninvited advice, but i really hope that you can find peace with your family and with yourself.
If they always assume that you or everyone they meet are cishet you might not feel safe to come out. It’s a chicken and egg situation that can be solved by not always assuming everyone to be cishet
I’m not sure if they are accepting or not. There are very mixed signals
I’m saying this in earnest and very much not trying to be rude or edgy, but the fact is a lot of people don’t think about me/you/us at all, they’re reciting things they think are normal to people they aren’t close with like talking about the weather. Realizing some of my relatives I care about don’t actually want to get invested in my life to the point of knowing I’m gay was a very freeing moment. Like understanding my grandma is 95 and doesn’t want to try sushi now. And she was fine learning I married a man, but she wouldn’t have brought it up. Decentralizing yourself from other people and realizing you have much more of a free slate than you think can be very helpful.
I usually wouldn’t get involved in this topic, but I’m half past drunk right now so here it goes: I’ve got nothing against lgbtqia+, you do you, freedom for everyone. But taking into account that the norm and majority is hetero… I really don’t understand what you expect… It would be like me, a metal head, would ask why aren’t there more extreme metal bands than pop bands?
The issue isn’t that the majority of people are straight (though I’d point to what we saw in the rates of left handedness once we stopped punishing it), it’s how we talk about it and the assumptions we make - and it’s about the disparities LGBTQIA+ people can face because of the specifically heteronormative way society is set up.
Marriage equality is a great easy example - the reason marriage equality was (and is, in so many places) such a big deal wasn’t just so we could marry just like heterosexuals - it’s because there are so many rights afforded to married couples that aren’t afforded to others. Healthcare access is the big one - in so many places, only married spouses are considered ‘family’ and able to make decisions for their partner, or even visit them in hospital.
To use your analogy, it would be like there not being any metal concerts, ever, because everyone just likes pop, right? Why would anyone want to go to a metal gig?
Its different, it’s that feeling when your music, which you know is absolutely fine, gets shat upon by christian conservatives who believe it’s evil. But then throw in the cops and the government which historically and systemically shut down your opportunity to even play or listen to it and give more opportunities and legal benefits to those people who play pop.
And you’re just trying to listen to the music you like, while every step of the way it gets way more difficult than it needs to be because it’s systemically rigged for you not to be able to listen to it. It’s exhausting.
edit: grammar
That doesn’t mean it’s not tiring.
But also, why does the norm need to be hetero vs “people are varied”. Sure, most people are straight, but that doesn’t mean it automatically has to be the default assumption, that’s just a choice made by a… heteronormative society. Most of the time, we aren’t in situations where we actually need to assume someone’s sexual orientation, so we don’t need to play the odds, as it were.
Nah. It’d be like if everyone just assumes that you like pop, because most people do. It might be understandable, but people constantly assuming you like pop and only pop is… tiring and annoying.
Also, on a personal note, it definitely stopped me from figuring it out wayyy earlier than I could have. “Normal/average people are straight, I am normal, therefore I am straight” was effectively my reasoning.
The comments in here aren’t… what I was expecting from this community. Feels like I’m back on old internet. Ironically, the comments themselves seem to be perpetuating the heteronormativity brought up by the post.
I notice it’s mostly people coming in from other communities saying things like “The population is small, so we should only have to see it as much as we see it now (basically never),” which reads as “You barely exist, so continue that way.” This ignores the real world current statistics that people are increasingly feeling safe identifying as LGBT+, so we don’t actually have a number of where that percentage will plateau. It could be significantly higher than the outdated 5% I’m seeing bandied about in here. It’s already moved towards 8% of total USA population, with nearly 20% of Gen Z identifying LGBT. If that holds, then that’s quite a lot more than the 5% everyone keeps saying.
Regardless of how little we supposedly matter based on a number, it’s insulting to see people outside the community telling us how we should feel about our own experiences. That’s not something they get to decide for us.
Unfortunately this is one of the issues with federation. In the future we would like to have all the identity based communities either beehaw users only or locked down from comments/posting. We have no control over other instances, but to remove their content or remind them how to act here. I’ve personally been avoiding a scorched earth policy for non-beehaw accounts, but I’m slowly finding myself leaning towards it because of behavior like this. I’ve cleaned up some of the worst of it, and I’m keeping a close eye on a few folks in this post.
Well said on all points. I expected better of this community.
It’s tiring to see so many non marginalized individuals entering a marginalized space to claim that things are fine. Learn to read the room. All further discussion about whether this is “okay given statistics” shows a failure of empathy, a place of privilege, and an ignorance of the harm you are causing. I’ve decided to leave some of these comments up because some people benefit from seeing the discussion about how they are wrong, but to anyone who is entering this thread and is not queer and the only take you have to offer is “maybe you ARE over-represented” I will start banning you now.
common gaywallet W
i dont know how you have so much emotional energy to share here as much as you do, especially in the face of so much intolerance. much love.
You give me energy with comments like this. I love you 🥰💜
to add some nuance to this, if anyone would like to listen. a cry from a cishet to the cishets.
beehaw platforms safe spaces. within that, this is a community for queer people. coming into this discussion as someone that isn’t queer, a person needs to be aware of the nature of safe spaces. this isn’t the same as seeing a post from r/cars on the front page of reddit and adding to the discussion that trains are more convenient for you. to queer people, many of these discussions are existential in nature. this will not carry the same weight to you, because it does not impact you in the same way- if at all.
take a moment to reflect on how irritating it is to see average people turn into experts on twitter whenever a new topic is trending. understand that in queer discussion, you are that person, but your words aren’t simply annoying, they’re harmful.
a common response to this is “well you can’t have discussion with only people that agree with you, that’s an echo chamber!”. sure, you can put 100 men into a discussion about feminism and hear a hundred different opinions, but none of them will be a womans. there’s enough cishets discussing this, respect that this space is designed to amplify the voices of the minority.
stay quiet, recognise that you have privilege blindspots, and say “thanks for sharing”.
Not really. In fact, I enjoy how often queer relationships are featured in media. What I am tired of is straight writers trying, and failing, to write queer characters.
Ye i get you it’s tiring. Just reading the replies to this post has been tiring because it already has a bunch of cishet people wanting us to stay in our little corner. When i read the description of beehaw i assumed this place was safe from that. I get that people JAQing off and quoting questionable statistics to say our actually felt problem is negligible aren’t easy to deter but seeing them be the most liked replies was really disheartening.
Yeah, these replies are not at all what I expected to see coming into this thread. When did we decide that this is enough representation, and why did no one ask me?
We didn’t decide it, fragile cishet broflakes decided it for us.
Everyone here are probably tired of that shit. Being asked about when will you get married is not fun. Assuming your partner must be of different gender is not fun. Gatekeeped out of some locations built for couple (but for some reason doesn’t really think about same sex couple) is not fun.
I’m kind of in the closet because of a lot of this, but it’s weird saying I’m in the closet when I’m ace. Like, on the one hand, what am I gonna do, go around telling everyone I don’t have sex? That’s weird. But at the same time, it’s incredible how much normal small talk interactions with friends and even just-slightly-more-than-strangers revolves around sex and having sex.
“Sorry about that, I was up late last night and I’m still kinda worn out” “Oh, I’ll bet you were, YOU DOG wink nudge”
or
“Yeah, my girlfriend and I are going camping this weekend” “Sounds like FUN, amirite? [insert multiple innuendos]”
or
“I’m going to be a little late to the get-together; I really need to clean the kitchen before I leave” “Going for that [HOT SEX ACT REWARD] huh? I get it! Go get [THE SEX POINTS]!”
Like, it’s all over the place. It’s every day. I just kind of nod along agreeably, but I feel like I’m a big dirty liar.
Sorry for your experience. I can sort of relate. Too many conversations about relationship became conversation about sex for no good reasons. As if people have relationships only to have sex…
I watched Nimona the other night, and I really enjoyed it.
When posting on Mastodon about it, I specifically didn’t mention that the central relationship is a gay one, because would I have done so if it was straight? No, of course not.
It’s a little thing, I know…
Not really relevant to the overall thread, but I just learned Nimona exists earlier today while I was checking to see if K.Flay had any new songs out since I last checked! (She does, and it’s one she did for Nimona.) That plus this comment has officially got it on my to-watch list!
yeah, its funny that heterosexuality is considered the default when it has to be constantly (often violently!) enforced.
The young mixed race gay couple that moved in across the street is always having people over and doing fun things. Then there is me trying to strap my screaming toddler into the car after trying to get her out the door for the past 45 minutes. Maybe they could not rub it in my face that they have all the free time in the world?
Then there’s the goddamn leaf blower. Every time they mow, they then use a backpack gas leaf blower, leaves on the ground? Leaf blower. Just got done washing the car? Better blow dry it with the leaf blower.
Goddamn gay people making me miss being young and free.
I totally get the wish to see more representation in media. Fortunately there is more and more LGBTQ+ positive content. (Asking for suggestions might be an interesting topic! I’d go for Our Flag Means Death and The Sandman.)
Getting heteronormative behavior pressured into you by your surroundings at every step of life is another issue. And It’s so stuffy and codified and normed too. Do you have a girlfriend? When will you get married? When’s the baby? Uuurgh.
Yeah, it was extremely awkward especially when I was still with my now ex. They would jokingly ask if I’m texting a girl while I was texting my bf at the time
Yeah, it was extremely awkward especially when I was still with my now ex. They would jokingly ask if I’m texting a girl while I was texting my bf at the time
And for an older one I saw recently, the cheerleader was a good, if dated, option.
I don’t think it has really bothered me in life. It’s just a given thing for me and I understand why society is more focussed on heterosexual couples. I very much respect your opinion but personally (as a trans lesbian person) do not really prefer a change. I do have preferences on different subjects involving LGBTQ+ people but I will leave that for a different thread.
I’m transgender and don’t really care, I have a lot more more important problems to be tired of. Most of my friends are on the LGBT spectrum and I don’t interact with greater society all that much.
What tends to bother me more is how our world is built for neurotypicals, as someone with autism and CPTSD. That actually has an effect on my life.
cue the eye-rolling but what was it 21 years ago you could beat and kill lgbt and use the defense(gay panic)that them seeing a lgbt person drove them to such rage they couldn’t/wouldn’t be held accountable in a court of law.(Matthew Shepherd🙏was the first time it didn’t work) along with don’t ask don’t tell. 1976 was the year the AMA removed that the mental illness that lgbt people suffered from causes them to be sexual deviates. for decades 5% of the pop identified as lgbt. when Obama included lgbt people in the hate crimes act the numbers soon shot up to 25% of the population. the 80s and 90s the thinking was if you could safely be out be out bc they couldn’t kill all us without suffering a backlash and they’ll just have to get use to lgbt folks. you want to push back on hetronormativty tell your grandmother pretty boys grandma I’m bi and then she knows she let’s the family know and your life improves bc not being able to be seen as your trueself is damaging to your mental health and confidence AND they have skin in the game you and your safety and they’ll be more likely to shut down homophobia and we all benefit from this but it’s not going to work if 87% lgbt remain closeted. Just a thought