The LGBTQIA+ community contains so many diverse identities and perspectives that, sometimes, groups can be overlooked. This is certainly true for asexual and aromantic communities – demographics whose experiences are often misunderstood or misinterpreted, both within and out with the queer community.
However, to truly understand the spectrums of desire and love, it’s crucial that we educate ourselves about and advocate for ace and aro folks. Whether it’s reading about identities like fraysexual and demisexual that sit on either end of the ace spectrum, correcting harmful assumptions that ace or aro identities can be “cured”, or signal-boosting the work of ace-aro activists like Yasmin Benoit, there is so much that allies can do.
When it comes to aromantic identities, there is particularly limited visibility in the media and wider culture. For questioning folks, that means that there is little representation out there that validates or mirrors their perspective. Our society is so obsessed with the idea of romantic love as an ideal that most alloromantic (non-aromantic) individuals may not even know about alternative models of experiencing love.
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I’m aromantic and of all the labels I have, it’s the one that often gets the strongest visceral reaction from folks. Many have preconceived notions of what aromanticism is and can be and it’s deeply frustrating. It’s one of the labels I have that I am most hesitant about sharing, because it requires a conversation to explain myself. However, even after explaining myself, I believe many think I am either lying or just cannot believe that the way I view the world is true and instead substitute their own beliefs for truth.
Hell I know 2 aromantic people and they both had different ways of seeing it and expressing it but the one thing they had in common about it was saying that it sucked having to explain it each time.
Like I’m biromantic and demisexual, which everyone seems to have questions about IRL so usually I just leave it at “I’m Bi”. But a brief explanation: I’m romantically attracted to a lot of people but sexual attraction isn’t something that pops into my mind quickly, typically. In general I have to get to know people a bit before my brain basically goes “You know…” In a sexual way. But I’ll much sooner be like “Damn I wonder what kind of flowers they like?”.
Sometimes I wish I could turn off my horny brain and be demisexual.
That isn’t what demisexual means. Demisexual just means being sexually attracted to someone after to having a deep emotional connection to them. Demisexuals can be horny without being attracted to someone sexually, doesn’t mean we are going to do anything with someone or about it but being horny and being attracted to someone are two different things.
So you can be horny about… Nothing? How does that work?
Yup, in our experience horniness doesn’t have to be directed at anyone or anything. It just is.
Interesting, thank you for the perspective
Its like being hungry, but nothing sounds appetizing.
Haha, I think that perfectly explains it, thanks m
You could have horny brain and be demisexual.
But at least it would be horny brains after getting to know you.
You don’t need food in front of you to feel hungry. In this case, it’s a particular appetite that has conditions to be truly fulfilled. Maybe you have horny eyes.
it’s the one that often gets the strongest visceral reaction from folks.
Do some people interpret it as you being psychopathic/sociopathic?
I don’t really use those labels when describing myself IRL; I just say I’m not really interested in things like dating if I’m asked, but that rarely happens.
There’s no way for me to really know what’s going on in their heads, frankly.
What I can tell you, at least, is that I have had some partners respond to this with shock and negative emotions. They often feel that it is somehow invalidating how they feel about me. On more than one occasion I have been described as romantic which is perhaps where this feeling of invalidation is based. I very much enjoy intimacy, I simply do not experience a “romantic” attraction. I still enjoy doing many of the things that are considered normal in what is described as a “romantic” relationship (I use this term because I’m poly, I’m not coupled with anyone, just partners).
Just recently discovered I am on the aromantic spectrum myself. I always experienced relationships as essentially close friendships. I still feel love, I still like things people would consider romantic, but there is no line between “friend” and “dating” for me, aside from the comfort of the other person.
Realizing this and coming out as arospec was harder that when I came out as trans or when I came out as nonbinary. Mostly because I was now married, and trying to figure out how to convey “I am aromantic, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you” in a way another non-aro person can understand is difficult.
Idk if I’m aro, but I’m definitely ace.
I do have a desire for a partner, but more as a person I can be around and enjoy their company.
It definitely does not attract people, and most are highly skeeved out at the idea of a relationship without s×x, some people being like “then why be in a relationship??” Uhh… because love can be shown in other ways? Making you delicious meals, participating in/supporting your hobbies, building you up, encouraging you, cuddling, enjoying each others company, giving you gifts! It goes on & on.
Yeah, I get quizzical looks when I say I am aromantic, or asexual. I only use the micro labels if the person understands.
Ace here, my aspirations for a relationship right now is just a best friend that wants to live with me.
It means strong smells.
I kid, but I’ve never dated. I fuck first and then figure out what I’ve gotten myself into later.
We are demi-romantic, or aro-spec if you prefer. We are also demisexual, or ace-spec if you prefer.
Aro het here
Aroace reporting for duty o7
