Actual conversation I had regarding my sexuality:
Femal Aquaintance- “You can’t be bi, you’re married! Wait…do you cheat on -=wife=-?!?”
Me - “Of course I can, and no I don’t cheat.”
Female Aquaintance - “But you’re married! Doesn’t -=wife=- have a problem with it?”
Me - “No. She’s bi too.”
Female Aquaintance -“But she’s married!!!”
Two weeks later she got drunk and wanted a threesome, then got annoyed that we turned her down. I have no idea why people immediately assume that bi means “will fuck anyone that asks”.
My mom met a non-binary friend of mine and their girlfriend. My NB friend comes across as a masculine muscular bro dude but their NB and pan. I mentioned to my mom later that they were NB and she was like “but he has a girlfriend…?” I had to walk her through “you’ve heard of men being attracted to women, and women being attracted to women. Well Zack is neither and is attracted to women.” In her mind, gender and sexuality were like, part of the same thing. Which I guess they are but not the way she thought.
I had to teach the difference between the two to my therapist the first time I talked about being trans.
The upside to that whole thing being that they ended up using my knowledge as a launching point to learn what the latest research has to say about gender, sexuality, and trans people, and then several years later thanked me because my conversations on the subject with them went on to help them with other patients that they had.
You should become a therapist.
I don’t have it in me. I can speak on stuff like being trans or bi from a place of personal experience and needing to learn about that stuff for reasons like to be able to medically advocate for myself to get proper care and treatment, but I don’t have the public speaking skills or ability to articulate my point well enough for a profession like therapy.
I did enjoy being in a quasi-managerial role though, where it was informal enough that I got to encourage the kids I worked with to do what they were passionate about or teach them about stuff I knew and push them to try new things that they might have never considered before. Talking to high school and college kids who were passionate about different things and getting to hear them info dump about their interests was fun.
Gender and sexuality have been a blur for a long time. It’s not long ago that transgenderism was considered a sexuality
Online dating as a bi woman is grim. It’s annoying, because in certain contexts, I’d be up for casually fooling around with a couple, but when you think you’re going on a date with a woman and then her surprise boyfriend shows up, it’s gross and predatory
Straight people think you are OBLIGATED to do the sex.
Straight men are attracted to more than one women and therefore they’re attracted to people who aren’t their wife, so they must be cheating!
You’re not a pansexual until you’ve fucked a cast iron skillet
TIL that I am pansexual, though I might be a bit rusty.
You can never prove you’re pansexual but your degree of confidence increases for each gender you’ve fucked. I think that’s pretty Bayesed
Based Bayesian statistics jokes are the kind of shit I come to lemmy for
I disagree, but then i do have two buttholes so maybe i’m bi-assed
This unironically
That or an alien.
Learn what pan means dorks if you’re not into being impregnated by the fruiting bodies of the Xlllirrreast you’re a fake pan
You’re not really bisexual unless you have sex with every woman and every man
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Big if true
So you just need to have sex with Whitney Houston and Buddy Jewell?
Straight facts:
I am a straight man. Hello everyone. I hope you’re all having a wonderful day.
Also a fact, I support all peoples choices in terms of what they like and how they identify. Not sure why I would care if someone else wants to be gay, bi, trans, hereto/cis, queer, lesbian, etc. I’m not those things, I’m not sure why it would bother anyone that someone else likes things? Whatever.
Also a fact from a straight guy, aka, straight fact.
While I can recognise that some masculine figures are handsome/good looking, I do not… And I can’t stress this enough… I do not feel any attraction to men.
They can be rather good looking, but that doesn’t make me want to get them naked and fool around.
If you have excitement in your pants for someone of the same gender, well… I have news for you… And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Be who you are. Anybody who gives a shit is probably not worth knowing.
A term that I find useful is “
platonicaesthetic attraction”.It’s a term that I learned through the ace community when I was going through the common bisexual experience of “am I bi though, or am I just asexual?”. It turned out I was bi, but I find the split model of attraction is a useful framework.
PlatonicAesthetic attraction is when you’re able to see someone and go “now that is a beautiful man”, but not experience any attraction in the conventional sense of the word. I personally find it useful because even though I do experience sexual or romantic attraction to people of all genders, that doesn’t mean I experience that for everyone. Sometimes a beautiful person is just a beautiful person.
Edit: got mixed up, and said “Platonic attraction” when I meant “aesthetic attraction”. Thanks to @gerryflap@feddit.nl for the correction
What you’re describing is aesthetic attraction I think. Platonic attraction is more like advanced friendship afaik, more based on personality.
Ah yeah, I got mixed up. Thanks for the correction
No problem :3
This reminds me a lot of love. People can’t, or don’t, by default, differentiate different forms of love, though, there are many.
If you express love for anyone that isn’t blood related, the implication is that you want to copulate with them, and often, that’s far from the truth.
I love a lot of people, but not in that way. Right now, the only person I love who I want to copulate with is my partner. At the same time, I have a large group of friends that I also love, as a kind of trust and friendship love, though they’re not related to me through blood, in any way, shape, or form (Besides us both being human, I guess).
Commoners in society are extremely reductive, so the nuances of such things often escape them.
You can like, love or even find something attractive, and that doesn’t define you. You define yourself. That’s the privilege of sapience. We can decide such things about ourselves.
For me it’s not even that. I have zero clue about men being good lucking or not except for those who look similar to someone that has been described to me as good lucking or not.
With women I have “some” clue in general and then there’s also some women that I personally find very attractive and others don’t. But even the most beautiful women don’t really give me any desire to do anything sexual with them unless they (or myself) first do something to make me think of it - so I might be closer to ace than actually straight.
Meh, you’re a little gay. ‘Attractive’ has no objective meaning, some just are to you. You’re just not gay enough to fuck. A little gay and a little straight is called bi. But really it’s just a spectrum and it can change over time. What’s important to you, and lots of people, is how you identify. And you’re correct that doesn’t and shouldn’t matter because it has no affect on other’s lives. Now…let the hate for my opinion flow
I like your opinion. You can consider me to be bi if you want.
I don’t identify that way and I’m not so insecure that someone having a different opinion about me, bothers me in the slightest. You do you, my friend.
I really appreciate your response, I strive to be that chill especially on these topics that are so knee jerk for me! I wasn’t trying to label anyone only to put the words in their place which are as tools of description not prescription. I see I caught you in there when I could have used a hypothetical. My apologies
I am unbothered my friend.
I appreciate you taking the time to recognise the fault in the statement. That’s more maturity and self awareness than a lot of people have.
Keep that up.
Cheers.
This is why i like the term “handsome”, i can absolutely recognize that george clooney is handsome, but even as someone who has explored their sexuality as far as possible thanks to the help of the internet i can’t even enjoy the idea of him in a sexual context with the hottest woman i’ve ever imagined.
It’s something that makes me wonder if everyone who watches “straight” porn is actually really quite bi/pan, because i just… can’t really enjoy it? It’s doable if all you see of the guy is the junk, but if you actually see the dude’s body it’s like when you make food that’s not gross but also not tasty, so you just sorta eat it dispassionately…
And this is coming from someone who actually REALLY likes dicks, and some very very specific kinds of guys. Despite those things i just find the idea of attraction to normal guys utterly baffling.
You aren’t pansexual unless you have had sex with every conceivable gender
Could you alternatively just have sex with one pangender and one agender person? Like a sort of gender min/maxing?
Gender min/maxing is a new favorite term of mine. Also yes
it’s not your term, you just stole it
Not favourite-[term of mine] but [favourite term]-of mine obv. But grammar matters and you’re right
i was actually joking
But what if my gender is…
You can have sex with the same sex without being gay. Look at the porno industry for example. It’s all about attraction when it comes to sexual orientation.
To be fair even if it doesn’t make you gay, it’s at least an indication that they’re not… not gay…
Because I would not have sex with someone i’m not attracted to, even if you paid me quite a lot of money for it. If i’m not sexually attracted to someone them i’m kind of by default averse to the idea of them in a sexual context at all.I once saw a documentary from Louis Thereaux about the sex industry. There were gay movies being filmed, with the guys not being gay, but in a really bad position in life and this paid loads, so they just did it. Sometimes life goes south on you and desperation can push you really far beyond a boundary you never thought you would cross. So never say never.
Just tell them “Oh, you think the bi means two so you have to be with two people. Common misunderstanding.”
The entirety of every male bro podcast compressed into a single comment
