I’ll start,

I don’t have kids and I got my tubes tied when I was 27 so that wouldn’t happen.

I was raised like crap, and have zero maternal instinct. I chose not to reproduce because my mother should have made that choice but didn’t and I know how that turns out. I’m no more maternal than she was.

She tried to avoid kids, and managed until she was 32, which says a LOT about what she wanted (as a woman born in the 50s, raised catholic, and who went to catholic school for her whole education, including college), but my dad came home from a business trip and forced the situation (religion was involved, I feel for her) so she had my older sibling… and they chose to have me to be a companion… that didn’t work; my sibling and I have not spoken in almost 20 years…

My sibling doesn’t know, and I don’t plan to tell them (mother died shortly before we stopped talking and was the catalyst)… they and my mother never got along… probably for a reason on mother’s end…

I made a considered choice at 16 to not have children. Entirely for selfish reasons at the time. I just never saw any reason, after watching my classmates and friends and such get married and/or have children, to procreate myself at any point thereafter.

I work better as “that crazy auntie” (even if the “auntie” in question is a family friend, not a blood aunt). People (family or otherwise) gladly hand off their children to me (because I genuinely like children) when they get frazzled, overworked, or need a vacation from the brats. And I just as gladly hand them back at the end (slightly twisted).

But if I had my own and had to deal with them 24×7, that joy I have when dealing with children would vanish.

I’m barely keeping myself alive, I can’t fathom being responsible for an entire other human.

Once I’ve got my shit more together? Sure, I’d love to be a mom, that’s why I got my swimmers frozen before starting hormones

children? in this economy?

I always knew I didn’t want to be a mother. I don’t want the responsibility and I don’t enjoy kids. I make an effort for my nephews & niece but it just doesn’t come naturally to me.

I don’t want to change my life to revolve around someone else.

There was no motivation, there was an accident, the best accident in my life.

If I could do so physically: because I’d like to experience the ‘journey’ of carrying myself. But ignoring that incapability, it is also because I want to learn more about life and to foster a new generation. It’s a bit circular, but maybe that’s my mind.

My family suffers from generations of inherited trauma and mental illness, I don’t want to pass it on. Basically I don’t believe I’ve healed enough, or that I’m immune from perpetuating that harm.

And I can’t reasonably afford it. If I had a child, I would want to be in a much better place financially so they will have the best possible future. This means I would want to have the money to guarantee them access to transportation, education, healthcare, healthy food, etc. - I have failed to ensure those things for myself, how can I provide them for another person?

I didn’t want children because I didn’t have good parents growing up and was abused severely. The world is fucked up, I remember being so angry my parents brought me into the world just to abandon me in my earliest years. Even the adult who became my guardian was shit. I never saw healthy love as a kid, and again, even if I had something to give, the world is so fucked, there’s so much pain and suffering from our own human hands, we don’t need more people. I didn’t want to pass my suffering on, and I’ve always known I’d never be anything but working poor to top it off.

Anyhoo, history repeats, and I found my self in a DV situation in my mid 20s. Three years and a (forced) baby to get out. I raised him on my own from birth to 6, when I met my life partner and we’ve been a healthy family since. I don’t regret having my son, I do regret giving his father my phone number that day, but we can’t change this. I’ve dedicated my life to making sure my one child will be willed enough, strong enough, and supported enough to get through whatever may come. I don’t live for me anymore, it’s own challenge some days, but I live to secure my son as a stable adult human who feels supported, humble yet confident, curious and empathetic. Among other values. I’m trying to give him what my child hood lacked. I’m pretty proud of my son these days. He’s many mental health afflictions (the main reason I wasn’t supposed to have children), no different the the rest of our bloodlines, but with early intervention, I think he’s a fighting chance to have the capability to find joy amongst the misery that is being human.

We have one daughter who is 3. I have an iud and he got a vasectomy so we are pretty firmly one and done. Financial reasons and attention reasons. We get to enjoy everything as a family together and also split duties so neither adult is feeling too overwhelmed. But we were always interested in being parents. It’s great to have this little person with her own personality and likes and dislikes that we get to watch grow and turn into whatever she wants to be. We each see a little of ourselves in her and we get to share things we love while also letting her discover her own interests. We get to share in her triumphs when she does something really hard (recently, reading books on her own or standing up when falling down on ice skates). There’s so much love there. She’s a cool little human.

I just didn’t think I would be a good mother. Plus, my family was kind of messed up and I didn’t want to foist our particular brand of insanity onto another generation.