The boss walks in, there’s someone on the phone for you:
- Phone: “Hi, I’m the leader person behind that book/television/film franchise you complain about online and gee-whiz, you’re right! We want you to run things from here on out.”
- You: “Do I get supreme retcon powers?”
- Phone: “Of course! We’ll even retroactively edit in your changes!”
Huh, that was easy. What are you changing?
All of the Kelvin-verse Star Trek movies and all Disney-canon Star Wars content.
.......Except for Andor and Rogue One. That shit is tight.
I agree about the start ears stuff after watching Andor I was like F the Jedi story line, I want more of this!
I don’t mind kelvin since it’s its own universe. Also I think it got lots of people into trek. The 09 movie is what got me started on the series and now I’ve seen it all many times over.
But why the kelvin universe, it already is its own canon
Yeah, that’s easy to ignore, if you insist. Not even a mention of the whole Picard disaster? Weird.
Because it never should’ve been made in the first place.
Like the Star Wars sequels, it was just yet another example of
- a mainstream, well-known, toe-the-line corporate Hollywood director who
- is known for making big bombastic movies that are great eye-candy but shallow stories (“a mile wide but an inch deep”),
- who aren’t actually fans of the franchise & are thus actually just outsiders to the fandom and thus don’t know what makes actual members of the fandom “tick”, what makes the content great and all that,
- and because they’re not huge fans of the franchise, rather than spend the time & energy to consume, understand, and get up to speed with all the years of varied lore (good and bad), they just go the lazy route, say “fuck it let’s just do a reboot” so they don’t have to do all the work.
It’s easy to say that the Kelvinverse is “just an alternative canon”, but that’s only because it largely flopped. If the Kelvinverse had taken off, or if Paramount had been stubborn and kept with it like Disney has with the Star Wars “Disney canon”, it would have undoubtedly been the only officially recognized canon. This is exactly what happened to Star Wars, and as it stands Legends/EU canon have only largely been kept alive by the fans, with very few exceptions (one of them being the Star Wars: The Old Republic MMO).
Do I also have unlimited money? What am I saying, the BBC is obviously swimming in money. Undo everything until shortly before the Doctor regenerates into David Tennant again and instead commission Studio Ghibli to do a 26 episodes series based on my Doctor Who comic about 13 and Rose, voiced of course by Jodie Whittaker and Billie Piper.
No, I don’t at all hate everything since Jodie left, I just prefer my vision, that’s all. :D
Okay, I am a merciful god - if the BBC have to watch their budget this year, we just undo The Power of the Doctor.
The Master’s plan is now not simply to swap clothes with the Doctor (???) but to actually swap faces. Jodie gets to be the Master and go bonkers on the universe while the Sacha Dhawan!Doctor has to convince Yaz (cue lesbian confusion) that he really is the Doctor and then go after the Master. At the end of TPotD, the Jodie!Master still regenerates into David Tennant (wearing 13’s clothes for fuck’s sake) and the 60th Anniversary is about how the Master uses the Doctor’s most popular face to absolutely ruin their reputation in all of time and space.
(Donna, after having her memory forcefully restored, instantly clocks that this is not the Doctor she knows but is forced to accompany him because he is threatening her daughter. She complains loudly about everything he does.)
In the end, the Doctor still regenerates into Ncuti and we’ll see where to go from there.
… can 13 and Yaz at least have the chastest of kisses on the lips before the end? That’d be fine too…
Hmm, I’ll have to run it by the head office but I think unlimited money should be okay. (and heck yes, I’m down with this vision)
Nnnnnoice. 🤩
I came here to do a Doctor Who one too, can I tack it onto yours?
It’s also revealed that the Master just hacked the Matrix to mess with the Doctor’s head, and the Timeless Child was just some bullshit he made up.
That’s going in as well, yes.
The Legend of Korra spoilers:
spoiler
Korra doesn’t stakelessly get her bending back 15 seconds after losing it to Amon. They had the opportunity to give her the self-discovery arc that they tried to shoehorn into the post-Zaheer poison recovery.
The series could’ve had much better footing, in my opinion, if Korra had wrestle with that just a bit longer. Instead, a bunch of bald people show up and say, “I got you, Holmes,” and then she’s good as new.
It’s been a while, and I’ve lost some of my steam over this. But yeah, that’s the only one I’ve got the energy to type out right now.
343/Microsoft should have let Bungie’s “ending” for Master Chief stay - Where chief saves earth but gets put into indefinite cryo as he is forever lost in space.
It would have put him full circle (as he was a superweapon waiting in cryo when the series started) and it would put him into a state not unlike the halos themselves, which I think was Bungie’s intent.
There are a lot of stories and things to explore within Halo’s universe and I would like to see more of those than bad-guy-of-the-week that Chief has to stop.
I would tackle some of the sloppiness of Fallout’s lore in relation to the Bethesda games.
Primarily, I’d set Fallout 3 like 25 years after the bombs instead of 200. It never made sense to me that creatures or people can survive 200 years in a location with poison water. I’d have to take out the Ghouls or alter the lore there a bit, though.
I’d revamp the plot of Fallout 4, either making it totally about the synths or removing them entirely, and also set it shortly(ish) after the bombs fell. Bethesda doesn’t necessarily make bad games, they just don’t fully consider established canon before making creative decisions. Which irks me tremendously, because really all you have to do is hire one obsessed nerd and run decisions by him.
This right here.
all you have to do is hire one obsessed nerd and run decisions by him
If it’s Henry Cavill, you’ve got your actor AND obsessed nerd in the same package!
Immediately reshoot Season 8 of GOT with what I thought was going to happen.
Warhammer 40k, dumping at least half of pyrrhic shit and needless grimdark but also bringing back the old lore that humans caused chaos.
Isn’t Chaos a part of the universe just like space and time? Those Eldars, Necrons and old ones are basically the one that leave it chaotic and volatile way before human even comes into existence. True human is the dominant life form that’s feeding it, I don’t know when have it ever been human who created Chaos.
Old lore was that humans are responsible for the creation and empowerement of the chaos gods except slaanesh. And while it was never mentioned for ages in franchise at least the empowerment is certainly true since pre Horus Heresy the presence of chaos in the materium was so pitiful that 200 years of Great Crusade barely managed to discover anything substantial. Hell, Word Bearers actively searched for any chaos with dozens, maybe hundreds of fleets and only found it after years of searching. Also while you look at the manifestations of chaos there’s barely anything that can’t be traced to humanity, there’s much talk about chaotic xeno spiecies but their actual effects are always very local (except eldar and slaanesh).
HBO can pump out a whole 'nother Game Of Thrones spin off that I couldn’t give a fuck about but they can’t reshoot the last 2 seasons and maybe add a few more to fix the fucking mess that we ended up with…
Give Voyager one final, long episode with a proper sendoff (instead of the half-assed one they did), where we can see how the characters actually ended up in the coming years. With an epic orchestral soundtrack, at least one really good space battle scene and a lot of pathos, it deserves it! ST: Picard is also considered non-canon (the first two seasons have been a shitshow and the third was just nostalgia-bait anyway). So nothing that happened to Seven of Nine in that plotline ever officially happened and the final Voyager episode can utilize some talented writers to make it good.
…and also delete the episode where some crew members become animals and bang each other, because excuse me, what the fuck was that?
I’m shocked nobody has said game of thrones yet
Everybody’s hoping GRRM is already on the task.
Everybody’s hoping GRRM is already on the task.
The real religion behind GoT.
I dunno, I think a lot of people have given up that hope by now…
Star Wars Episode 1-3 revamped with better actors and writing.
Everything Disney except Rogue One related material gets scrapped and redone.
Can midichlorians be eliminated ?
It needed better writing and directing, but the actors were very qualified for their roles.
deleted by creator
He took up 17.5% of the screen time in Episode 1, all of it annoying pointless nonsense … that’s what he did.
World of Warcraft, I’m making the Legion no longer all aliens, they’re demons from Hell again. Also the Draenei look exclusively like the Broken, no pretty goats allowed.
Yes I am retconning a retcon, it’s been ~20 years and it still bothers me! also ig Shadowlands never happened, just for good measure.
Spider-man one more day. Just let aunt May die. Have Peter go to therapy or something for the grief, then years later do a reveal that it was Norman Osborne the entire time.
This one’s easy, Warhammer 40k, and all the nonsense about primaris and guilliman returning.
The Wheel of Time show… Change it to be like the books. I felt like the books read well and could have been adapted without changing much. Keep to the source material and embellish areas that weren’t as well discussed like east of the waste, the islands to the west, etc.
