A coworker who was the reason why I was moved to another department (she is friends with the manager) changed departments herself and now I sometimes have to work with her.
First time she saw me at her new position she greeted me as nothing happened, as she wasn’t the reason why I was moved laterally. I replied with a non effusive hi.
I don’t engage in non job related conversations with her, if I have to work with her I just ask her in a neutral voice where is what I need and proceed to do my job. Otherwise I avoid her because I don’t trust her. I don’t have to work with her whole shifts or every day, which is good.
The incident I mentioned on my first paragraph happened 2 years ago and I still remember it enough not to like that person. I don’t know if more mature folks would have already forgotten about it but I cannot. Am I holding an unhealthy grudge? I mean I’m happy if I don’t have to see her.
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If it’s about what they did, unless it was premeditated and personally directed at you, yeah the grudge is unhealthy
If it’s about the way they do what they do, nah you want to avoid their bullshit, it’s not really a grudge
Holding a grudge means this person lives rent free in your head. It’s a waste of energy. If you have to work with this person, fine. Be professional, nothing more.
Live your life and don’t think about this person.
Any grudge is probably unhealthy.
I don’t think you necessarily win by doing what you’re doing.
It’s also not clear what she did, if it was immoral, if there was some reason why someone had to move. A lot of info missing to know if you should feel aggrieved 2 years later.
Win?
It’s unhealthy because holding on to stuff like this just poisons you.
Do you know that she was involved in your move, or do you just suspect it? If it’s the latter, has it occured to you you might be wrong?
Don’t trust internet strangers to weigh in on this. Talk to a therapist or someone you trust to thoroughly consider the details that you haven’t (and shouldn’t) share here. Without the details, we’re just guessing, but even then a single post-and-reply exchange is not a good substitute for a full IRL conversation.
I wish you could somehow send this to every single reddit account as a private message replacing the word this with the word everything. I don’t use reddit anymore, but they need to hear it.
Do you not like the department you were moved too?
Did being in the new department hurt your career or reputation in anyway?
Ask yourself, is there any value in having any sort of relationship with this person?
This doesn’t really sound like a grudge. This person showed you who she was. You’ve taken note, and have adjusted your behavior accordingly. That’s not a bad thing. She won’t be the last ladder climber you run into!
Even if you are completely correct and this person conspired against you; holding onto this is not great for your mental health.
The best thing for you is to acknowledge that you were hurt by this and accept that. Then move on, what they did was about them and not you.
From your text, it could be that they were just selfish and you were collateral damage. My advice stands, give yourself the freedom to move on.
I think it’s best to keep her at arm’s length. You don’t need to hate her but you also don’t need to be her friend. Keeping guarded is probably for the best if she can stab you in the back again.
