Polygamy sounds amazing to everyone until they actually try it and deal with the drama like one person in the polycule only being there for another person and actively attempting to rip them out of the situation, with all the drama that comes with that.
It always bothers me that people seem to think that poly has zero boundaries, that it fixes absolutely everything in a relationship, that you no longer have to make any effort.
I’ve never done poly, so I’m an outsider, but I wonder if those would work better when all people involved ‘stop’ their default relationships a bit beforehand, to reset it so to say, and agree all beforehand to start and treat each other then on equal terms.
Personally, I thought that a poly that arises from an originally mono relationship, is bound to have one of the three feel like a third wheel, rather than a true relationship triangle (where everyone loves all involved). And then it’ll dissolve.
as @TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zone said below, a strength is that those involved could feel freed from the worry of “do they cheat on me or not”. i think it might be similar to an open relationship in that regard.
So many people make the mistake of opening up a relationship to save it, and a poly relationship started that way is usually a bad idea. In that case, there are usually deeper problems in the relationship and it was already doomed to fail. Ideally there is the expectation of being poly or the expectation that relationship could be poly from the beginning.
All that said, it isn’t necessary for every person in the relationship to be equally close. Some might be better off serving emotional needs for each other, while others might be mainly sexual. So long as everyone is on board with the depth of their relationships, it isn’t a problem. Like with any relationship, it’s all about open and honest communication.
Polygamy sounds amazing to everyone until they actually try it and deal with the drama like one person in the polycule only being there for another person and actively attempting to rip them out of the situation, with all the drama that comes with that.
Polyamory has been relatively drama free for me for 6 years. Not any more drama than I’d have in a monogamous relationship.
Polyamory ≠ unicorn hunting. It’s always bothered me that people think of polyamory in such a heteronormative framing.
Unicorn hunting is cool though. Especially when you can harvest their previous blood.
I never said it was unicorn hunting though?
It always bothers me that people seem to think that poly has zero boundaries, that it fixes absolutely everything in a relationship, that you no longer have to make any effort.
I’ve never done poly, so I’m an outsider, but I wonder if those would work better when all people involved ‘stop’ their default relationships a bit beforehand, to reset it so to say, and agree all beforehand to start and treat each other then on equal terms.
Personally, I thought that a poly that arises from an originally mono relationship, is bound to have one of the three feel like a third wheel, rather than a true relationship triangle (where everyone loves all involved). And then it’ll dissolve.
as @TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zone said below, a strength is that those involved could feel freed from the worry of “do they cheat on me or not”. i think it might be similar to an open relationship in that regard.
So many people make the mistake of opening up a relationship to save it, and a poly relationship started that way is usually a bad idea. In that case, there are usually deeper problems in the relationship and it was already doomed to fail. Ideally there is the expectation of being poly or the expectation that relationship could be poly from the beginning.
All that said, it isn’t necessary for every person in the relationship to be equally close. Some might be better off serving emotional needs for each other, while others might be mainly sexual. So long as everyone is on board with the depth of their relationships, it isn’t a problem. Like with any relationship, it’s all about open and honest communication.