edit: rule
Yesn’t? I think it is possible to love your kid while being a shit parent. In fact I know. If anything I’d like to see it revamped into a bad parent attoning for their failures, accepting that they have harmed their kid and adress it with the kid. “I see now how I was a bad parent to you. I see the hurt I caused and I am sorry. And while it doesn’t erase what happened, I will do better.” I’d love that as a signal to bad parents that they can do better. An an empathic wake up call
That’s fair. The real issue is when that redemption is not earned, or when the fact that the parent did love them is used to garner them sympathy from the audience. Love without action doesn’t count
I agree. You need to reflect your own behaviour and adress it. Only then can this be meaningful.
My Hero Academia did this decently well with
spoiler
Endeavour. He realises how much he fucked up and tries to fix it. Some of his family eventually accepts it while others never forgive him
This x1000. Cobra Kai never dies!
Neglect is absolutely a form of abuse. I feel the need to point out, though, that some dads are dealing with emotional scars of their own. In a few cases, neglect is actually an improvement from what the dads themselves went through.
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Importantly, so are coping mechanisms.
GET IN THE FUCKING ROBOT SHINJI
I’ve never properly been able, until now, to express in words the neglect I’ve perpetrated.
I was positively surprised by Drops of God (Apple tv series) in this respect.
At the start you’re like “father can’t have been this bad, I’m sure people are overreacting”. At the end you’re like “omfg what a massive cunt”.
I liked “Waiting for the Out” a lot. It’s kind of this trope but then it’s the exact opposite.
I don’t think everything is black and white like that. My dad has mental health issues but he does try when he manages to think about doing so.
yeah I got fucking whiplash when I realized my dad didn’t hate me he’s just super autistic with a touch aversion
i was 29 years old when I realized this, I’m not sure he even has a hint of a clue
My wife had this realization as well. She’s autistic, and was complaining about some of her dad’s habits. I mentioned that her dad was probably autistic too. She seemed confused.
I pointed out that what she had just complained about were some behaviors that were basically the textbook definition of autism. But he was an Irish Catholic boomer. He grew up in a world where authority figures tried to beat the demons out of him instead of getting him diagnosed. So he probably developed a lot of coping techniques to try and mask. And half of the things she was complaining about were his coping techniques, the other half were the autistic behaviors he was trying to mask.
For her, the realization was like shattering an illusion. Suddenly, she started recognizing all of the traits and behaviors that she never clued into before. Because when she was growing up, all of the behaviors were normalized. And as an autistic person herself, she didn’t even think to question a lot of his peculiarities because they didn’t seem peculiar to her.
That happened with my mom recently. She self diagnosed as autistic last year and has been going to a therapy group. I 100% believe without a single doubt that she is autistic, it makes sooooo many things with her make so much sense.
My problem is, I still need her to say she’s sorry for some pretty terrible things she’s said to me. She won’t do that and just yells at me for things she’s perceived I said/did that I’ve already apologized for a bunch of times. A lot of it is just her misinterpreting my words or actions, I still said sorry.
But I need her to apologize for things like the countless times she’s said “you are not my daughter” over the smallest misperceptions. And she can’t do that so I’m just stuck here feeling like I don’t have a mom.
yeah unfortunately I can relate :/
i went no contact with my mom quite a few years ago for never accepting responsibility for any wrongdoing or apologizing my entire life.
hang in there ❤️
💚
My dad is borderline. He tries. He went to therapy and started medication but I think it was too late for him. It’s very hard to change when you’re older.
“Oh no! My parents forgot to feed me for six weeks! It’s okay; they’re unwell.”
Abuse with an excuse is still abuse.
Yet understanding where your parents are coming from is an important step in healing.
You run into the problem where generations of men were raised that showing love for your family meant providing for them; most men didn’t work at home. So if you were physically at home with your children, that meant you weren’t out trying to give them a better economic life.
It has only been recent that this paradigm has shifted.
Maybe I’m digging too deep here but I kinda see it as a reflection of how capitalists want us to view them
There is probably a lot of overlap between neglectful fathers and the men that are media executives.
I rewatched Inception recently, it’s interesting because it has this trope centered in the plot. Cillian Murphy’s character, Robert Fischer Jr., had a father like this, and while he never believed in his son (at least as far as we’re revealed), the plot centers around having him believe that he did.
Lots of stuff can be explained by untreated mental health, and intent without action is a symptom of a lot of that stuff. It’s worth being forgiving IF they’re willing and trying, correctly, to improve.
Life is often too nuanced for memes
Hey hey, ho ho, the father who neglected their kid but actually loved them all along trope has got to go!
All stories should only have elements that i like.
You’re right, we should never complain about media without first giving disclaimers about how nuance is important and there are usually exceptions to the rule.
I only consume media I hate. There will be no complaints!
Part of the reason I will never be a father, and will just skip to the die part.
Yeah I don’t have enough in the tank to deal with the adults who act like children at my job, which already doesn’t pay enough to cover having a family as it is, and then come home to children demanding even more energy/attention. I can’t do the shit I want to do in life as it is.
